It Takes Patience II: Guarded

*Reagan’s POV*
Harry turned his back on me and I made it halfway up the stairs before I turned around and saw the door to the basement close. It was almost metaphorical, another barrier between us representing the one that I’ve built not in one day, but over a period of time. Every time that I agreed to do something with Peyton, the threads of our already frayed relationship were pulled wearing down the fabric of our foundation. He’s pissed at me, beyond angry but what kills me inside the most is knowing that there is more hurt there than anything else. It was the most dominant emotion fighting out against all the others and it literally brought me to my knees to know that I was the reason for so much of his despair.

My heart felt as if it were constricting in my chest as I pulled myself up the remainder of the stairs by the railing and when I got into his room I closed the door before collapsing on the bed, pulling a pillow to my face to drown out my sobs. What I hate to admit is that everything that he said was true. Peyton pulled me in and I was there thoughtlessly at his beck and call when I knew how it would damage us. My every thought at that bar before the revelation of Laurie’s guilt was hoping that Harry wouldn’t find out about what I was doing, when I shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

I’ve been so conflicted by the holes in my memory from what happened over the summer that I had forgotten that my time here is limited and numbered, just as my days at Maudsley were. I haven’t put a single thought in what to do when Dr. Koch calls our time here a wrap and that scares me beyond anything else. How could I be so blind and naïve to allow time to slip through my fingertips? I could barely breathe and my chest and head ached from the sobs that shook my frame. Every negative thought is running through my mind at once and I know that I’m having another anxiety attack but I didn’t bring my pills to stop it from getting worse. He’s the only one who knows how to stop them without a pill that has to be swallowed. He’s my cure, my only solution and I need him now. The more I think about it, the more that I come to realize that I need Harry just as much as he needs me, if not more.

I could feel myself become light headed and the more I tried to calm myself the worse the attack gets. My brain is repaying me for tonight and just when I think that I can relax and go to sleep, another negative makes its way into my mind stirring me to an unsafe level. I look at the clock in his room and it’s already half past two in the morning. Is he sleeping now? Will he be willing to help? I question myself all the while managing as much strength that I can muster before I push up off of his bed. His scent engulfs me and leaves me yearning to be next to him, where I feel calm and most secure. I climb out of the bed, still fully clothed and make my way back down the stairs as quiet as I can be before I reach the basement door.

My heart races in my chest when I put my hand on the door knob and my anxieties reawaken. What if he turns me away? He would have every right to do so, but I know I wouldn’t be able to bear it. I slowly turn the handle and pull the door open to be met with the faint lighting of a television and a low volume. As I descend down the stairs quietly I stop when I see him lying under the makeshift cot he’s made for himself on the couch where I gave myself to him completely only four months ago.

He was shirtless and I could see all of his tattoos faintly by the dim lighting of the tv. There was a thick blanket covering his bottom half and his back leaned against the arm of the couch as he stared at the screen, not really paying attention to what was happening, but in deep thought instead. I went down another step causing it to creek from the pressure put on it, when he turned his head quickly, snapping out of his daze and meeting my eyes before I started to feel myself breakdown again.

“What do you want?” He asked me curtly before turning his head back to the television, and then back to me when he realized my condition.

He stood from the couch and crossed over to the stairs and before I knew it I was off of the ground, being carried over to the couch like a weary child who lost a fight against sleep. I began to sob again, and tried to form the words ‘I’m sorry’ but they got caught in my throat. I could barely breathe, let alone speak beyond the tears that began to choke me.

“Shh Reagan breathe!” H. wasn’t exactly calm himself. He was still angry. I could feel his hard, tense muscles under my fingertips as I held him close to me, but his touch contradicted his voice as he rubbed my back languidly and rocked me slowly back and forth.

“Breathe, shh shh. You’re going to make it worse. You need to calm down.” My breathing slowly stabilized and he pushed my head back off of his shoulder so that he could look me in the eyes.

His own were red with dark circles around them and mildly puffy from staying up too long, but the emotion behind them was raw. Whatever it was that was on his mind moments ago weighed on it heavily and if I know Harry, I know that I was part of the problem but not all of it. He stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb wiping away a stray tear that started to leave a track behind it along with all of the others that fell tonight before he closed the space between our lips lingering there momentarily and then beginning to pull away.

My eyes stayed closed after the contact was broken and I shook my head not wanting to be apart from him. The kiss felt too brief, too empty, and too unsure and it scared me to think about the meaning behind it. When I opened my eyes, his were still searching my face before he removed his hand from my cheek and dropped his head. He put his hands on my hips and began to get ready to stand me up from his lap, but I grabbed his shoulders stopping him. When he looked up at me, I bent again and kissed his lips desperately hoping that he would reciprocate. His lips pressed back into mine briefly before he turned his head breaking the kiss again.

“No Reagan.”

I shook my head and my breath hitched in my throat before I kissed him again grabbing his face in both of my hands as tears pricked at the back of my eyes once more.

Please don’t reject me. Don’t push me away.

“Reagan, stop.” He spoke breathlessly trying to untangle himself from me, but I wouldn’t have it. I can’t let him go and I feel that if it stays this way, it will start the beginning of the end.

“Please Harry. Please don’t. I-” I whispered to him begging to be given another chance when I was cut off by his mouth possessively claiming mine.

He slipped his tongue in past my lips and my hands greedily roamed from his shoulders, up and down his arms, to his bare chest and then raised in the air when I felt him tug at the hem of my sweater. The material was pulled over my head and tossed to the ground and as soon as I was rid of it, my lips found his again to be rejoined in a passionate lock as we both gasped for air. Harry’s hands went to the top of my jeans unbuttoning and unzipping them in a rush as my hands went for the clasp of my bra, neither one of us willing to break the kiss in order to remove the clothing.

I slid the straps down my shoulders and quickly rid myself of it, when I felt Harry’s right hand cup my left breast. I pushed into his hand as his fingers found the erect nub of my nipple and let out a sigh of relief as he took it in his mouth and rolled his tongue around the sensitive flesh as he caressed the other and then showed it the same attention. I moaned out in pleasure and need and Harry’s lips came back to mine in order to drown out my cry. He pulled away and fumbled with my jeans again, before picking me up and laying my back on the couch as he tugged to pull them off of my legs. I raised my bottom to make it easier and when they were tossed to the floor along with my panties, Harry hovered over me with his hands on either side of my head wearing only a pair of blue sweats.

I untied the drawstring quickly and pulled the pants down to his knees grabbing his hard, swollen erection in my hand pumping him lightly, before he rid himself of them fully. He groaned and dropped his head shutting his eyes and taking his bottom lip into his mouth as I pulled him down by his side with my free hand closer to my entrance. Harry lowered down on his elbows, and I swiped the head of his shaft along my wet center causing him to pull back again.

“What are you doing? I don’t have on a condom.” He panted as he looked down at me and I cursed to myself for not bringing one down, but seeing as this was not my intention we were left in the same dilemma that we were in earlier today. If we stop now, it won’t happen and I badly need it to, to feel him. H. keeps his condoms in his beside drawer and that’s all the way upstairs. I looked back into his eyes and then kissed his lips, before I pulled his hips towards mine again.

“Just pull out.”

“No Reagan! I’m not going to-” Harry furrowed his eyebrows and began to protest and sit up before I grabbed the back of his neck to pull him back towards me and kissed him to silence him. I need this. I need him, and if I think about it for too long I’ll back out of it.

“Please Harry? It’ll be fine, please? I need you.”

“Rea-”

“Please H. Please?”

I kissed him again frantically and Harry closed his eyes and rested his head against mine for a moment before I felt him bury his length inside of me, causing us both to gasp at the feel of skin to skin contact.

“Fuck! Ugh!” Harry huffed out breathlessly as he started to move grasping the covers next to my head tightly in one hand while the other found mine, interlocking our fingers, still in shock from the new sensation. I met every single one of his thrust as my body tingled from having nothing between us to block out certain pleasures. I could have never dreamed of how good it could feel to be with him this way and I can definitely tell the difference as my eyes fought to stay open and my moans got louder having to be stifled by Harry's lips.

Harry wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me up onto his lap. As I moved, our gaze met once more and the look in Harry’s eyes was still bared to me showing hurt, something that I know he doesn't like to do even though I can tell he feels it often, more often than he deserves.

“This...fuck...This doesn’t change anything.” Harry panted out to me not breaking eye contact, and even though I didn’t want to hear the words, I knew it already.

“I know.” H. grabbed the back of my head and kissing me and I found myself dreading the moment that our embrace ends. Oddly enough, I know that Harry feels the same way. We switched positions again this time with my legs wrapped around his back while he held one of them in place with one arm and stabled himself above me with the other. I got close to my release several times but pleaded for my body to put it at bay so that we wouldn’t have to go back to the reality of Harry being upset with me anytime soon.

H. pulled out and kissed me from my mouth down to my navel and then licked and nibbled at my clit to draw out the length of our love making for that same reason. I came undone by work of his masterfully skilled tongue before he entered me again angling my hips upwards to bring me to climax once more as his thick length roughly gave my delicate muscles a deep tissue massage. I clenched and pulsated my walls around him and I know that was his undoing. Harry pulled out groaning and cursing my name as warm liquid splashed out onto my stomach.

He collapsed on top of me void of energy with both of our bodies covered in sweat, gasping for oxygen that seemed to be non-existent in the overheated basement. When our bodies calmed from their euphoric state, Harry stood up and dressed himself then handed me my clothes so that I could do the same. I slowly put on my garments and when I stood from the couch, Harry sat back down and pulled the covers over his legs again. The look that makes my heart falter, returned on his face as he looked away from me back towards the television. It felt almost as if the passion that we just shared moments ago was something I created in my head to keep me on level ground. H. raised an eyebrow before he spoke not making eye contact with me as he did.

“Are you okay now?”

I nodded my head yes, and then said it forgetting that he wasn’t looking at me and praying silently that he would at the same time. I'm not really and I won't be until he forgives me. It's as if my own health depends on Harry's approval. It's a strange thing and I'm sure no one else would understand if I even tried to explain it to them, but it really does. I need to know that he's okay in order to function properly. Channel and my mom would lock me away if they knew how bad it really is and that's why I won't tell them.

“Then you should probably go back upstairs. It’s almost five now and I know you have to be up for work soon. I highly doubt your doctor will pass up two days.”

When Harry spoke his voice was emotionless until he put an emphasis on the word ‘work’. I don’t want to go. I don't want to face tomorrow, and I know that Peyton will try to talk to me about what happened tonight. I shifted on my feet and grabbed my left arm, pulling on the fabric of my sweater nervous as to what Harry will say to the question that I want to ask him.

“Can I stay down here with you?” I don't want to be clingy, but I don't want to leave his side either. Harry glanced at me quickly and then back to the television before taking a deep breath.

“It’s not enough room down here for two people to sleep on the couch.”

“Then come up with me.” Please.

Harry shook his head no and then grabbed the remote to flip through the channels. If I’m not mistaken, I could swear that I saw his eyes glaze over as he continued to stare at the screen in front of him, but just as quickly as I noticed it, it was gone.

“I’ll see you in the morning Reagan. Go upstairs and get some sleep.”

I turned on my heel, reluctantly and headed up the stairs as tears started to fall again and before I closed the basement door, I heard Harry say that he loved me.

Notes

Hi BEAUTIFUL AND NEW SUBSCRIBERS!!! I didn't exactly get 5 more votes but I figure 3 is good. I cant keep things from you all for too long when I'm just as excited to post as I hope you are to read! But if we can before the next update can I get 3 more??? Anyway, what did you all think of this chapter? Reagan feels so bad, but is feeling enough? What should she do to fix it? Is Harry being too sensitive? Leave me your thoughts in the COMMENT section below (I LOVE reading what you all have to say and cant get enough of the comments!) ANNND and! Be sure to VOTE and join us here and SUBSCRIBE if you're reading over the story and enjoying it so far (love seeing new subscribers too!) I LOVE YOU ALL TONS FOR GIVING MY STORY THE TIME OF DAY!!~Xx


(this is the look I feel like Harry gives Reagan before telling her to go back upstairs)