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It Takes Patience II: Guarded

Chapter 34: Not Exactly

*Harry’s POV*
I got into Robin’s Volkswagen and it smelled of peppermints and after shave. The car was clean unlike Clive’s car. Clive’s car was always full of papers, documents, secret things that he’d never want Gemma or me to touch. His car was his own personal filing cabinet. I never felt comfortable in it or around him in general. He was always too busy, too cold; too callus to spend time with either of us, but he would always try to buy me and Gemma something to save face and pretend that he cared about us as a front for my mum. I was thankful that he never wanted to spend time with me. The less time spent with him the better. I never liked him in the first place, and when my mum thought it would be a good idea for just the two of us to bond, it always resulted in me getting the shit beat out of me, only in the spots that couldn’t be seen.

When the door was opened I was tensed. Robin got in and smiled at me and I couldn’t even bring myself to force a smile back. He put the key into the ignition and pulled out of my front drive before I spoke to him again.

“Do I get to know where we’re going as well?...” I trailed off, more aggravation in my tone than I intended to be there.

“I thought we would take you to get fitted for your tux first.”

I glare at him and my body stiffens at the idea. This is not a way to bond, this is a way to push me farther than I feel that I can stretch. I turn my eyes back to the road and I swear that I can almost feel my blood rushing my veins. I want to protest, but there’s no point. Robin is going to get his way and there’s shit that I can do to stop it, despite my efforts. I bit my lip to keep myself from talking or saying anything out of term. This needs to go well, Dr. Baker better keep up her end of this twisted deal.

Robin talked on the way there and it was mostly to himself. I would nod my head and pay attention to a few things here and there, but I didn’t say much of anything. I don’t hate Robin, at least I don’t think I do, but we shouldn’t be this close either. As the drive goes on it feels as if the car is getting smaller and smaller. The walls are closing in around me now and I’m slowly suffocating. My anxiety and frustration about the whole situation turns into pent up energy and I know that I need to get out of the car soon and get away from him before I explode. That’s the last thing I want to do, but it’s bound to happen. I know it will.

It goes silent in the car and I turn on the radio expecting to sooth my own nerves before Robin opens his mouth to speak again.

“You know, I love you as if you were my own Harry, as if you were my very own son.” I shot my head away from changing scenery outside my window and looked at Robin quizzically. I know he loves me, he’s expressed this to me before, but we were on much better terms then.

“Yeah I know Robin thanks....I love you too.” I spoke honestly even though I know my tone sounds a bit clipped.

“Then can I ask you a question?”

I nodded my head and breathed as deep as I could. I feel like my lungs are going to collapse at any moment. I need out of this car.

“Why are you so put off about me marrying your mum? Nothing’s going to change lad. I’ll still be the same person.”

“That’s what you say now.” I didn’t mean to respond. This isn’t a topic I want to put up for discussion.

“I mean it Harry. I know it’s something hard for you to believe, but it will be fine. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through. No child should have to go through what you went through.”

“S’okay Robin. I’m fine. Can we just drop it please?” Oxygen is slowly leaving the confines of the car. I let down the window but it doesn’t help.

Robin nods his head and changes the subject to something else I really don’t want to talk about, but I would rather it be this than the dark road we were going down momentarily.

“...But you did so well on you GCSE’s and A Levels. You’re a really bright lad. You should go to university it would be fun.”

“Robin!” I rolled my eyes upward praying that we would get to the damn tux shop soon which is ironic with in itself really because it’s the last place I want to go and Robin chuckles at my annoyance. I’ve thought about university. I’ve always wanted to be a physio, but that was before the day of the nightmare.

Robin goes on to talk about how Liam and Niall seem to be enjoying their time at university to try to sway my decision, but I won’t hear any of it. It’s just not something that was meant to happen for me and I’ve accepted that. I drifted off into my own head as Robin continued on and I swear that I could have seen Peyton standing in the middle of the road. My phone buzzed against my bum and the seat and the image that I saw was gone. Sleep deprivation must be causing me hallucinations, even though it would be lovely if Peyton were to get hit by a double decker bus, I know that what I saw wasn’t real. I know he’s with her, too close to glasses. When I unlocked my phone and saw Reagan’s name my heart almost leapt out of my chest. I read the message and contorted my face in concentration blocking Robin out as he talked.

From: Glasses

You remember what you did with your sister’s friend?

My mood changes from excited to shameful. I remember everything but I don’t think that I would be able to handle giving her the details. I glance at Robin and he turns the radio on to some pop station before nodding his head awkwardly to the beat, assuming that this is something that I would want to listen to. I reach for the buttons and turn the radio off raising my eyebrows in disgust before I send a reply to my every waking thought. I don’t really want to go into more detail about what Tamsin and I did other than what I told her last night, but if this in some way gives her closure on the issue I’ll tell her what she wants to know.

To: Glasses

Yes...what else do you need to know? Not being sarcastic, but if it helps to talk more about it I’ll tell you what you feel you need to know...

My stomach turns at the idea of having to be more in depth and an awkward silence lingers in the car. I turn the radio back on to cut down the tension, but it only seems to grow when we get closer to our destination.

From: Glasses
I don’t want more details Harry, that’s the last thing I want. It’s just that I can barely remember what happened between Peyton and I. Not that I want to, it’s just strange to me.

For some reason the text rubs me the wrong way. My ego should be happy that she can remember nothing from her tryst with Peyton, but an uneasy feeling washed over me instead. She said they were drunk, but so was I when I left the bar after work to go meet Tamsin. Reagan is a light weight when it comes to drinking. It doesn’t take much for her to even get a buzz, but there is still something like a warning signal in my mind that I can’t shake. I don’t trust that fucker and it makes me feel anxious that I won’t be able to be there and watch over Reagan as they ‘work’.

To: Glasses
Will you please text me when you’re with him working?

From: Glasses

What for Harry? We’re going to be in the hotel dining area there will be plenty of people there. You won’t have to worry about me cheating to give you an excuse to do the same.

From: Glasses

This is how I know you don’t trust me.

I put my phone down frustrated and pinching my bottom lip. That was a low blow, but then again maybe this is how she feels when I say things like that to her? Robin pulls into the car park of the tux rentals and now there are a mix of feelings jumbled in my head, too many for me to keep up with.

When I got out of the car I still felt deprived of air, but a lot better having more space between us than there was in that tiny ass car. My whole mood did a one eighty from the moment I stepped out of the car to the moment I got to the door of the shop. A new record for me, three mood swings within a few seconds of each other, from somber, to angry, to annoyed all because Reagan wants to be stubborn, and not to mention I’m about to be fitted for this goddamn tux with Robin.

When we get in, the seamstress recognizes Robin right away, seeing as how he and the rest of his groomsmen have been here several times already to get correct measurements. She talks to him for a while before giving me a form to fill out while throwing her measuring tape over her shoulder like it’s a lifeless snake. She keeps looking at me grinning. I grin back at her and she blushes a bit causing me to chuckle. Flirting is like a second language to me, but now it’s just done out of habit. The seamstress is pretty, but she’s not as beautiful as Reagan in my opinion.

I hear her ask Robin how are we related, and when he calls me his step son, I damn near break the pen that I’m writing with. My mood shifts again, and I realize that I should have brought my aripriprazole with me.

I reply to Reagan’s text a bit late giving myself time to calm down from her rebuttal. I need to talk to her now or else this fitting won’t go over well.

To: Glasses

I trust you. I don’t trust him!

Glasses texts me back as I’m instructed to stand on something like a foot stool so that miss flirty giggles seamstress can get my leg measurement’s. I notice how she slowly grazes up my leg and my leg twitches causing me to almost knee her in the face. I apologize to her, and hear Robin laughing in the background. His laugh fills the room and my lips curl up themselves while I shake my head at him hoping that she doesn’t do that to my other leg. I’m only human and a male after all. If she does it again my third leg will be the one twitching.

From: Glasses
I don’t trust him either H., and I shouldn’t trust you right now...but I do and it’s confusing.

My heart speeds up in my chest again as I read the text. She’s not putting up any walls and I can tell that she’s forgiving me already. Reagan is the more mature one in the relationship. I would still be seething if I was her.

Flirty seamstress finishes measuring my leg and inseam for the trousers of the tux, but then gets annoyed when it comes time to measure my arms because I can’t stop texting Reagan.

To: Glasses

I understand why...You love me Reagan. You want to forgive me for that fact alone. Dangerous thing love is, but I promise you I will never do that to you again. I swear.

Reagan changes the subject and I’m almost thankful for it. Flirty seemstress hands me a white button up, a black pair of trousers, a suit jacket and my earlier stresses come back.

From: Glasses
What are you doing?

To: Glasses
Out with Robin getting fitted for a tux for the wedding, I wish you were here. I can’t really breath all that well. I don’t want to do this...I shouldn’t be doing this. Dr. Baker is forcing me bond with him. Had I have known what we would be doing today I wouldn’t have come.

From: Glasses

It will be okay Harry. It really will be. The fact that you’re out with him shows great progress on your part. I’m proud of you...

Robin Pays for the tux, and we leave the shop and get back into the car Robin begins to drive but instead of paying attention to where he was going, I text glasses back.

To: Glasses

Proud?...Does this mean I’m forgiven?

From: Glasses

Not exactly... I have to work now. Dr. Koch is eyeing me. We can talk later....

I dropped the phone in frustration. That talk didn’t go the way I wanted it to at all. My eyebrows furrowed and they remained that way when I saw where our next stop was.
My knuckles turned white as I fisted my hand around the seat belt and my throat went dry causing my words to come out raspier than I meant them to.

“What are we doing here?”

“I thought it would be therapeutic for you to let out anything that you felt you might want to say.”

“Since when did you become a doctor?!” I shouted at him, but his tone stayed calm trying to sooth mine.

“I’m not trying to offend you Harry I just thought that maybe if you could say anything to Cli-”

“Don’t!” A chill runs through my veins and a still image of a nightmare that I’ve been having as of late flashes in my head.

Robin nods his head and starts the engine taking me back home after only being out with him for an hour. An eerie feeling falls over me as the cemetery becomes fainter in the background. I never wanted to go where he was buried. I only know where it is because I overheard my mum talking about it once. I see Clive enough in my dreams and I know I always will. I will never get closure from it, and being this close to his grave has set my brain up for a whole new set of torments.



Notes

HI BEAUTIFUL SUBSCRIBERS!! New update for you all because you're the best. I had the longest weekend ever, but thank you all for being patient with me :) I decided to go with another full on Harry POV I hope you like it! Tell me what you think about the chapter.Thank you for voting and I hope that the votes continue to rise as we go through the story. Be sure to comment subscribe and vote if you're enjoying the story so far!!! LOVE YOU ALL IMMENSELY FOR READING!!! :D ~Xx

PS: I missed 1D day because I was working :( tell me how good it was?




Comments

haha mine too they always try to put an extra "a" in it

XOXOH XOXOH
4/1/14

@XOXOH
Thank you, everybody is confused when I spell my name and try to correct me. Lol

@mrsdirectioner
Aww thank you :) I like your name too it's spelled different than it usually is

XOXOH XOXOH
4/1/14

@XOXOH
You have a unique name. My name is Katelynn.

@mrsdirectioner
Haha yes I'm able to drink. My name is Mya what's yours?

XOXOH XOXOH
4/1/14