It Takes Patience II: Guarded
Chapter 26: Betrayal
*Harrys POV*
Reagan’s goddamn phone alarm went off this morning at five and before I could yell at her about it, she removed herself from lying atop of my chest exposing me to the cool air coming from the crack in my window to turn it off. She lied back down on top of me and got back under the covers and though I wanted to protest and tell her to get up for work, I was too tired myself to be bothered.
I began to drift in and out of sleep waking up in fifteen minute increments. Every time I closed my eyes I could see his face. I tried to fight it but sleep kept pulling me under back and forth between real life and a nightmare. My eyes closed this time for half an hour. I was back at my old house with red and blue flashing lights outside. People began to come out of their houses to get a better view of the display that was across the street or next door. I was among them until I walked towards the familiar house stopping when I saw myself emerge. I was in handcuffs being escorted out of Clive's house by the police. Tears streamed down my face and there was blood on my jeans, tiny specs that no one but me would notice.
I was put into the back of the police car when Reagan’s piercing alarm woke me up again. This time I refused to go back under.
*Reagan’s POV*
I jolted up out of my sleep when I heard the alarm go off again and I jumped out of bed in a panic. My head was pounding from last night and when I moved my stomach roiled reminding me of the excessive amount of alcohol I ingested in a time span of two hours. Harry lazily reached over to stop the ringing sound as I scrambled to put on my jeans and shoes from last night. I laughed at the annoyance on his face. He's so cute in the morning, even when he's grumpy.
“Oh no, shit! Why did you let me hit the snooze button Harry?”
“It’s not my fault that you didn’t think enough about your job to wake up Reagan! I’m not your fucking minder!”
Harry snapped at me and got out of bed himself to throw on joggers and a long sleeve t-shirt. I know it’s not his fault and I wasn’t blaming him. It was just a joke. I ignored his snappy comment but instead walked over to his bedside table and threw his aripiprazole at him. It landed just short of his feet earning me a death glare in response.
Harry bent over and popped the top off of the pill bottle before popping two capsules down his throat and hastily walking past me out of his room.
“You have to eat with those!” I put on my sweater and followed him out.
“You don’t give a fuck! As long as I took it and you got your point across. I get it Reagan, I’m an ass you won that one! Would you like a pat on the back?” Harry snatched his keys off of the counter and his mom emerged from her room. The noise we made from our disagreement was going on way too early in the morning.
“What are you talking about? What’s wrong H.?”
“What is going on down here?” Anne asked rubbing sleep from her eyes
“Nothing just go back to sleep!”
“Harold don’t you dare talk to me that way! Calm yourself! What’s wrong?”
“You! Your what’s wrong!”
Anne stepped backwards as if Harry had just hit her. I don’t know what’s brought this behavior on, but I wish that playful cheeky Harry was back from last night. He seemed upset last night before he went to sleep from mentioning his mom’s wedding, but he wasn’t being belligerent then.
“Harry I can’t keep going through this with you. You know that it’s not going to change anything,” Anne's eyebrows furrowed before she spoke again and I felt completely lost whilst I tried to decipher what was going on in front of me.
“I can’t find the seating charts, and I’ve looked for them everywhere. Did you put them in my room?” H. began to walk past me to the door without answering his mother’s question.
“Harry!”
“I put it in your room!”
“Don’t lie to me Harold!”
“Fine! I threw the goddamn things in the bin!”
The look on Anne's face was that of pure anguish and shock by Harry’s actions. I couldn’t help but look at him mildly disgusted myself. I know that he’s scared and hurting, but I never thought that he would go as far as trying to sabotage his mother’s happiness. The look on Harry’s face softened mildly when he saw tears start to stream down his mother’s face.
“Harry do you know how long that took?! I had to have that in by Monday along with the money so that I can rent out the space!” Harry opened his mouth but closed it again and I quickly came to learn he does this when he’s trying to hold something back. His facial expression hardened again, but the look in his eyes remained remorseful before he spoke again.
“I have to go Reagan is late to work. I don’t have time for this.”
Harry opened the door and called for me to follow him out of the house. I looked back at Anne and I could see that she was slowly becoming worn out, tired of fighting with her son for a happiness that was so close but at the same time so far away. She nodded towards me silently telling me that she would be okay and figure something out before I left the house closing the door behind me.
The ride in the car was extremely uncomfortable and I could tell that Harry was in a mix between seething and guilty. I thought over my words before I spoke hoping that it would come across the way that I intend it to and not upset him any further.
“Harry, I wish that you would tell me what’s wrong. I know there’s something bothering you and instead of dealing with it by yourself, you should talk to me. You can’t keep fighting your mom on her happiness Harry. She want’s nothing but the best for you and-”
“She does?! If she did, if she cared about me so much, she wouldn’t do this right now! Not while I’m still living at home! She can wait she’s been with Robin for years now, a few more months wouldn’t kill her!”
“Harry you’re being so selfish. Your mom had to have given up a lot for you when you were in Maudsley. Why wouldn’t you want her to be happy as soon as possible? That’s all that she wants for you.” I kept my voice calm sure not to heighten his mood any further than it already is.
Harry remained quiet for the rest of the drive and I could see the muscles in his jaw clench. He was speeding to the university, deciding to take me there instead of the hotel seeing that I was already late.
When we pulled up, he stopped the car abruptly and color began to drain from his face. Before I could unlock the door to get out of the car Harry grabbed my arm gently even though his mood was anything but that.
“Is that Peyton?” I looked towards the doors of the university saw Peyton and Dr. Adams outside smoking against the building. My heart began to drum in my chest and my nerves start to build. This is the last thing that Harry needs to know right now.
“Reagan is that him?!”
“He was working here doing a separate set of research with Dr. Adams, but Dr. Koch just put them both on our research team.” Harry laughed humorlessly before running a hand through his hair and sitting back into the seat. He watched Peyton until he walked into the building and then turned to face me with an unreadable expression on his face.
“He works here with you.” Harry sniffled and then began to nod his head up and down slowly. He spoke calmly but I could see his hands tighten around the steering wheel of the car.
“He works here with you and you weren't going to open your FUCKING mouth!” Harry's green eyes bore into mine with a dark emerald replacing the sparkling green. He punched the steering wheel causing me to jump when the horn sounded.
“I was going to tell you, right now wasn’t the right time!”
“You said you didn’t have any more secrets Reagan, but it was a lie! You’re lying to me again!”
“No Harry I’m not lying! There’s nothing I can do about it! It’s not up to me and I can’t quit because this is for school. I need this. Can we please not do this now?!”
“Get out Reagan.”
“Harry?!”
“Get out! You’re late and I can’t deal with this right now,” H. waved his arm between the two of us, “Get out!”
Harry unlocked the doors and I could have sworn I saw his eyes glaze over with tears before he turned his head away from me. I closed the door and headed for the building trying to slow my own emotions so that I could prepare to get chewed out for the second time today.
*Harry’s POV*
When I got home my mum wasn’t there and I couldn’t stand to be in the house alone with my own thoughts about the wedding and Peyton. I showered and changed into black skinny jeans and a t-shirt, before I drove to the pub, hoping that work would help me to get my mind off of my shit storm of a morning. The last time I felt like this and I had nothing to do, I ended up in the E.R.
When I got in, there were only three people at the tables eating and Louis looked at me from behind the bar, confused as to why I was there so early.
“You look as shit as I feel. Never drinking that much when I have to do the breakfast shift, ever again. Why are you here so early? You don’t work until five.”
“I need something to do.”
I could feel the back of my eyes sting and I closed them momentarily to stop the feeling that used to be foreign to me but is now too familiar. The last time I cried was after Reagan left and I intend to keep it that way. Louis looked at me concerned and nodded his head up and down before he spoke again.
“The kitchen could use a cleaning...Are you alright mate?”
“I’m fine Lou, just needed to get out of the house.”
My voice cracked and my eyes watered again, becoming two portals of betrayal. I walked past him and felt the sharp pain that I used to when Reagan wasn’t here rise in my stomach. I took out my phone and scrolled down to Tamsin’s number, but stopped myself when I realized what I was doing. Louis walked back into the kitchen and turned on the surveillance camera to the front of the pub before he spoke again.
“I need a break. I’ll go back out there if someone else comes in, but its best that I keep an eye out if I’m not up there. It seems that the sneaky ones always come in in the morning. Yesterday someone stole three perfectly good tea mugs right in front of me eyes.”
He furrowed his brow while sitting down and watching the television that had the whole pub on the screen from an aerial view. I nodded my head and began to sweep the floor in the kitchen while still trying to blink away tears.
“What’s going on Haz?”
“I’m fine Louis.”
“Bullshit! No one willingly comes in to work the morning shift after they were completely pissed the night before, and mate you and Reagan were pissed.” I tried to chuckle but it came out more as a sniffle causing Louis to turn away from the surveillance screen.
“Are you...crying?...”
“No!”
“It’s completely still manly if you are. I just haven’t seen you cry since-”
“Louis don’t! I’m fine. Will you just fuck off back to the front please?”
“Nope, it’s much more interesting back here.” Louis spun around in his chair facing me fully and I knew he wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone about it unless I talked.
“Reagan is cheating again.” I couldn’t bring myself to say anything about what I did to my mum. Reagan’s words keep echoing in my head and I knew that she was right, I just refuse to admit it. Louis furrowed his eyebrows before he spoke.
“You can’t be serious?”
I stopped sweeping the already clean floor and leaned against a counter. I’m not sure of it, but why else would she keep that from me? I nodded my head unable to speak due to the lump forming in my throat. I want to be angry I want to be furious but all I can feel right now is hurt. Hurt by Reagan and hurt by the look that my mum gave me when I told her I got rid of her papers. Louis shrugged his shoulders with a blank expression on his face as he gave his response.
“Leave her.” When Louis spoke I could feel myself start to panic at the idea.
“I can’t!” I love her too much to even try.
“You just said she cheated and this isn’t the first time. Dump her, you’ll be better off.”
“I think she cheated. I’m not sure if she did or not.” Louis stood up from his seat when he saw another customer walk into the pub.
“Have you talked to her about it?”
“No.”
“Then don’t jump to conclusions mate. You need her and we both know it. You were absolute shit when she wasn’t here. Figure it out and make it work.”
Louis left the kitchen and went back into the front of the pub, leaving me alone again. I he made it seem as if the solution was so simple, but I can barely think about Reagan’s face without feeling betrayed.
Reagan’s goddamn phone alarm went off this morning at five and before I could yell at her about it, she removed herself from lying atop of my chest exposing me to the cool air coming from the crack in my window to turn it off. She lied back down on top of me and got back under the covers and though I wanted to protest and tell her to get up for work, I was too tired myself to be bothered.
I began to drift in and out of sleep waking up in fifteen minute increments. Every time I closed my eyes I could see his face. I tried to fight it but sleep kept pulling me under back and forth between real life and a nightmare. My eyes closed this time for half an hour. I was back at my old house with red and blue flashing lights outside. People began to come out of their houses to get a better view of the display that was across the street or next door. I was among them until I walked towards the familiar house stopping when I saw myself emerge. I was in handcuffs being escorted out of Clive's house by the police. Tears streamed down my face and there was blood on my jeans, tiny specs that no one but me would notice.
I was put into the back of the police car when Reagan’s piercing alarm woke me up again. This time I refused to go back under.
*Reagan’s POV*
I jolted up out of my sleep when I heard the alarm go off again and I jumped out of bed in a panic. My head was pounding from last night and when I moved my stomach roiled reminding me of the excessive amount of alcohol I ingested in a time span of two hours. Harry lazily reached over to stop the ringing sound as I scrambled to put on my jeans and shoes from last night. I laughed at the annoyance on his face. He's so cute in the morning, even when he's grumpy.
“Oh no, shit! Why did you let me hit the snooze button Harry?”
“It’s not my fault that you didn’t think enough about your job to wake up Reagan! I’m not your fucking minder!”
Harry snapped at me and got out of bed himself to throw on joggers and a long sleeve t-shirt. I know it’s not his fault and I wasn’t blaming him. It was just a joke. I ignored his snappy comment but instead walked over to his bedside table and threw his aripiprazole at him. It landed just short of his feet earning me a death glare in response.
Harry bent over and popped the top off of the pill bottle before popping two capsules down his throat and hastily walking past me out of his room.
“You have to eat with those!” I put on my sweater and followed him out.
“You don’t give a fuck! As long as I took it and you got your point across. I get it Reagan, I’m an ass you won that one! Would you like a pat on the back?” Harry snatched his keys off of the counter and his mom emerged from her room. The noise we made from our disagreement was going on way too early in the morning.
“What are you talking about? What’s wrong H.?”
“What is going on down here?” Anne asked rubbing sleep from her eyes
“Nothing just go back to sleep!”
“Harold don’t you dare talk to me that way! Calm yourself! What’s wrong?”
“You! Your what’s wrong!”
Anne stepped backwards as if Harry had just hit her. I don’t know what’s brought this behavior on, but I wish that playful cheeky Harry was back from last night. He seemed upset last night before he went to sleep from mentioning his mom’s wedding, but he wasn’t being belligerent then.
“Harry I can’t keep going through this with you. You know that it’s not going to change anything,” Anne's eyebrows furrowed before she spoke again and I felt completely lost whilst I tried to decipher what was going on in front of me.
“I can’t find the seating charts, and I’ve looked for them everywhere. Did you put them in my room?” H. began to walk past me to the door without answering his mother’s question.
“Harry!”
“I put it in your room!”
“Don’t lie to me Harold!”
“Fine! I threw the goddamn things in the bin!”
The look on Anne's face was that of pure anguish and shock by Harry’s actions. I couldn’t help but look at him mildly disgusted myself. I know that he’s scared and hurting, but I never thought that he would go as far as trying to sabotage his mother’s happiness. The look on Harry’s face softened mildly when he saw tears start to stream down his mother’s face.
“Harry do you know how long that took?! I had to have that in by Monday along with the money so that I can rent out the space!” Harry opened his mouth but closed it again and I quickly came to learn he does this when he’s trying to hold something back. His facial expression hardened again, but the look in his eyes remained remorseful before he spoke again.
“I have to go Reagan is late to work. I don’t have time for this.”
Harry opened the door and called for me to follow him out of the house. I looked back at Anne and I could see that she was slowly becoming worn out, tired of fighting with her son for a happiness that was so close but at the same time so far away. She nodded towards me silently telling me that she would be okay and figure something out before I left the house closing the door behind me.
The ride in the car was extremely uncomfortable and I could tell that Harry was in a mix between seething and guilty. I thought over my words before I spoke hoping that it would come across the way that I intend it to and not upset him any further.
“Harry, I wish that you would tell me what’s wrong. I know there’s something bothering you and instead of dealing with it by yourself, you should talk to me. You can’t keep fighting your mom on her happiness Harry. She want’s nothing but the best for you and-”
“She does?! If she did, if she cared about me so much, she wouldn’t do this right now! Not while I’m still living at home! She can wait she’s been with Robin for years now, a few more months wouldn’t kill her!”
“Harry you’re being so selfish. Your mom had to have given up a lot for you when you were in Maudsley. Why wouldn’t you want her to be happy as soon as possible? That’s all that she wants for you.” I kept my voice calm sure not to heighten his mood any further than it already is.
Harry remained quiet for the rest of the drive and I could see the muscles in his jaw clench. He was speeding to the university, deciding to take me there instead of the hotel seeing that I was already late.
When we pulled up, he stopped the car abruptly and color began to drain from his face. Before I could unlock the door to get out of the car Harry grabbed my arm gently even though his mood was anything but that.
“Is that Peyton?” I looked towards the doors of the university saw Peyton and Dr. Adams outside smoking against the building. My heart began to drum in my chest and my nerves start to build. This is the last thing that Harry needs to know right now.
“Reagan is that him?!”
“He was working here doing a separate set of research with Dr. Adams, but Dr. Koch just put them both on our research team.” Harry laughed humorlessly before running a hand through his hair and sitting back into the seat. He watched Peyton until he walked into the building and then turned to face me with an unreadable expression on his face.
“He works here with you.” Harry sniffled and then began to nod his head up and down slowly. He spoke calmly but I could see his hands tighten around the steering wheel of the car.
“He works here with you and you weren't going to open your FUCKING mouth!” Harry's green eyes bore into mine with a dark emerald replacing the sparkling green. He punched the steering wheel causing me to jump when the horn sounded.
“I was going to tell you, right now wasn’t the right time!”
“You said you didn’t have any more secrets Reagan, but it was a lie! You’re lying to me again!”
“No Harry I’m not lying! There’s nothing I can do about it! It’s not up to me and I can’t quit because this is for school. I need this. Can we please not do this now?!”
“Get out Reagan.”
“Harry?!”
“Get out! You’re late and I can’t deal with this right now,” H. waved his arm between the two of us, “Get out!”
Harry unlocked the doors and I could have sworn I saw his eyes glaze over with tears before he turned his head away from me. I closed the door and headed for the building trying to slow my own emotions so that I could prepare to get chewed out for the second time today.
*Harry’s POV*
When I got home my mum wasn’t there and I couldn’t stand to be in the house alone with my own thoughts about the wedding and Peyton. I showered and changed into black skinny jeans and a t-shirt, before I drove to the pub, hoping that work would help me to get my mind off of my shit storm of a morning. The last time I felt like this and I had nothing to do, I ended up in the E.R.
When I got in, there were only three people at the tables eating and Louis looked at me from behind the bar, confused as to why I was there so early.
“You look as shit as I feel. Never drinking that much when I have to do the breakfast shift, ever again. Why are you here so early? You don’t work until five.”
“I need something to do.”
I could feel the back of my eyes sting and I closed them momentarily to stop the feeling that used to be foreign to me but is now too familiar. The last time I cried was after Reagan left and I intend to keep it that way. Louis looked at me concerned and nodded his head up and down before he spoke again.
“The kitchen could use a cleaning...Are you alright mate?”
“I’m fine Lou, just needed to get out of the house.”
My voice cracked and my eyes watered again, becoming two portals of betrayal. I walked past him and felt the sharp pain that I used to when Reagan wasn’t here rise in my stomach. I took out my phone and scrolled down to Tamsin’s number, but stopped myself when I realized what I was doing. Louis walked back into the kitchen and turned on the surveillance camera to the front of the pub before he spoke again.
“I need a break. I’ll go back out there if someone else comes in, but its best that I keep an eye out if I’m not up there. It seems that the sneaky ones always come in in the morning. Yesterday someone stole three perfectly good tea mugs right in front of me eyes.”
He furrowed his brow while sitting down and watching the television that had the whole pub on the screen from an aerial view. I nodded my head and began to sweep the floor in the kitchen while still trying to blink away tears.
“What’s going on Haz?”
“I’m fine Louis.”
“Bullshit! No one willingly comes in to work the morning shift after they were completely pissed the night before, and mate you and Reagan were pissed.” I tried to chuckle but it came out more as a sniffle causing Louis to turn away from the surveillance screen.
“Are you...crying?...”
“No!”
“It’s completely still manly if you are. I just haven’t seen you cry since-”
“Louis don’t! I’m fine. Will you just fuck off back to the front please?”
“Nope, it’s much more interesting back here.” Louis spun around in his chair facing me fully and I knew he wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone about it unless I talked.
“Reagan is cheating again.” I couldn’t bring myself to say anything about what I did to my mum. Reagan’s words keep echoing in my head and I knew that she was right, I just refuse to admit it. Louis furrowed his eyebrows before he spoke.
“You can’t be serious?”
I stopped sweeping the already clean floor and leaned against a counter. I’m not sure of it, but why else would she keep that from me? I nodded my head unable to speak due to the lump forming in my throat. I want to be angry I want to be furious but all I can feel right now is hurt. Hurt by Reagan and hurt by the look that my mum gave me when I told her I got rid of her papers. Louis shrugged his shoulders with a blank expression on his face as he gave his response.
“Leave her.” When Louis spoke I could feel myself start to panic at the idea.
“I can’t!” I love her too much to even try.
“You just said she cheated and this isn’t the first time. Dump her, you’ll be better off.”
“I think she cheated. I’m not sure if she did or not.” Louis stood up from his seat when he saw another customer walk into the pub.
“Have you talked to her about it?”
“No.”
“Then don’t jump to conclusions mate. You need her and we both know it. You were absolute shit when she wasn’t here. Figure it out and make it work.”
Louis left the kitchen and went back into the front of the pub, leaving me alone again. I he made it seem as if the solution was so simple, but I can barely think about Reagan’s face without feeling betrayed.
haha mine too they always try to put an extra "a" in it
4/1/14