Harry kept his arm around me and I huddled next to him for warmth as we walked from his Range Rover to the bar he has been so excited to bring me to. As we headed towards the door, Alicia, Eleanor, Perrie, Danielle and the guys were walking across the parking lot to meet us.

Alicia leaned over to say something in my ear. “I’m so glad you’re here, Addie! I know this really isn't your thing, but trust me, you're going to have so much fun when we start drinking!"

“Glad to be here,” I mumbled sarcastically. I suddenly hated that the drinking age here is 18 and they'd all be drinking. I'd much rather be at home snuggling up on the couch with Harry, but I know he's excited to go out and do something. Maybe this won't be so bad. . . I promised myself at the beginning of the year that I'd branch out and try new things, so tonight is a good time to start.

As we walked into the smokey, dark bar, Harry gripped my hand so he wouldn't lose me. There was a large crowd gathered in the space, making me even more uncomfortable. I guess that's what you should expect at a bar on a Friday night.

"Do you want something to drink?" Harry yelled over the loud music.

"I'm good." I shook my head and he nodded before turning around to the bartender to get himself a drink.

"Harry, get her a drink." Alicia yelled. I didn't even know she was standing behind me. "You need to have fun, Addie! You can't have if you aren't hammered like everyone else." She laughed.

Harry nodded at Alicia without looking at me. I know I decided I was going to try and have fun, but this isn't my scene. I'm really trying, I just can't help the conflicting thoughts rubbing through my mind.

"Here babe." Harry smiled and handed me a glass filled with some fruity drink. I had no idea what is was, but I quickly took a sip after realizing maybe what I need is a drink. I need to stop overthinking every aspect of my life and let loose. Harry is here, all of our friends are here, and I need to have fun like they are.


Harry didn’t hesitate to pull me into the middle of the crowded dance floor where all of the bar-goers and our friends were dancing to the music. Holding me close, he stopped to say something to me. “I’m glad you came, baby. Let's have fun tonight”

The small amount of alcohol I had consumed already gave me a small confidence. I smiled and pressed my cheek against his chest. He held his hand against my lower back, warm and soft against my bare skin.


A few drinks later, a faster beat vibrated the speakers, and Harry leaned down to say something to me. "Wanna dance?” He smirked, knowing the alcohol I consumed would cause me to say yes.

“If you think you can keep up with me.” I teased. I'm not used to this whole dancing thing, but I'm drunk and am ready to have fun. Alicia was right, this would be no fun without alcohol.

I moved my hips against his and ran my hand up his shirt, unfastening his top two buttons, Harry chuckled and shook his head, and I turned around, moving against him to the beat. He grabbed my hips and I reached around, grabbing his backside. I leaned forward and his fingers dug into my skin. When I stood up, he touched his lips to my ear.

“Keep that up and we’ll be leaving early.” I could tell he was smirking. I wanted to keep my act up, hoping he would actually want to leave early. I may be having fun, but I just want Harry at home to myself.

I turned around and smiled, throwing my arms around his neck. He pressed himself against me and I untucked his shirt, slipping my hands up his back, pressing my fingers into his lean muscles, and then smiling at the noise he made when I kissed his neck.

“Jesus, Addie, you’re killin’ me,” he said, gripping the hem of my dress, pulling it up just enough to graze my thighs with his fingertips.


Two songs later, the hair on the back of my neck was heavy and damp. Harry kissed the skin just below my ear. “Let's get some air.”

He led me out of the bustling bar and stopped when we stepped out into the cool, crisp autumn night. "Are you having fun?" Harry smiled and pulled me to his chest, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Yeah," I half lie. It's fun dancing with Harry, but I feel disgusting from the alcohol I drank, and I'm all sweaty from dancing.

"Niall's having people over after, did you want to go over? He said we can crash there if we wanted to."

"I'm exhausted Harry," I admit with a smile. He looks nowhere near tired, I guess he's used to all of this though.

"That's okay, we can always hang out with them tomorrow. I think Liam's having everyone over."

"Another party? You guys really do never stop." I laugh and rest my head on his shoulder.

"You haven't seen the half of it," he chuckles and presses a kiss to my temple. "Ready to go back inside?"

"I'll meet you in there, I just need a minute."

"I can stay with you," he suggested.

"That's okay, get back to your friends." I smiled and leaned up on my toes to kiss him. He eventually nodded and disappeared back inside.

I don't know why, but I felt the buzz I had just minutes earlier has faded away. I suppose the cold air or Harry and I's conversation sobered me up a little.

I walked over to the bench against the building and sat down. Taking a deep breath, I tried to gather my thoughts. I really did try to have fun, and I think I succeeded for a bit, but an overwhelming thought has haunted my mind for the entire night. Harry and I are completely different people. He likes to drink and go out with his friends, he has tattoos and doesn't care what anyone thinks of him. As stupid as it sounds, this night was almost a reality check for me. I love Harry so much that at times it hurts, so that's why I hate that I make myself think this way. I know he loves me too, but I'm afraid we are just too different to make this work in the long run. Harry's going to realize sooner or later that I'm not what he needs. He may think that he wants me now, but once he realizes how different we are, he'll realize I can't keep him happy. I can't live up to his lifestyle, although I wish I could.


When I finally conclude I need to stop thinking these things, I head back inside. Harry is sat at the bar with Louis and Niall, laughing about something. When he noticed me, he quickly stands up and takes my hand. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I force a smile. Harry seems to trust my fake happiness and lean down to kiss me.

"Dance with me?"

"Sure," I smile at his grin.

“Everyone’s staring at you in this dress,” he said. I looked up, expecting to see a tense expression, but he was smiling. “I guess it’s kinda cool . . . being with the girl everyone wants.”

I rolled my eyes. “They don’t want me. They’re curious why you would want someone like me." I joked, but I what I said was the truth. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks Harry and I are polar opposites.

A pained look flashed on his face. “You know why I want you? I didn’t know what alone was until the first night I spent without you in my bed. You’re the one thing I’ve got right. You’re what I’ve been waiting for, Addie. You make me happy and everything is good when you're around.”

I reached up to take his face between my hands and he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the floor. I pressed my lips against his, and he kissed me with the emotion of everything he’d just said.

I took a breath. “We need to slow down.” I admitted, realizing that's all I need. I feel like these past two months have gone incredibly fast, and we just need to take it slow. Before I met Harry, I'd only ever kissed one guy, and now it's like I'm a completely different person.

"What?" He frowned, obviously confused by my statement.

“I’m saying we need to slow down. That’s all I’m saying. I love you Harry, it's just. . . This is all too much.” He nodded, clearly unhappy. I touched his arm.

"I love you too, I'm just confused." He sighed and let his head drop, frustrated. “Where do you see this going, Addie?”

I pressed my lips his. “When I think about my future, I see you.”

Harry relaxed, pulling me close. I cringed inwardly knowing I just said that so we could get off this topic. I would like to see myself with Harry in the future, but if I've learned anything tonight, it's how different Harry and I are and that what I told him might not be true. I know there has only been a couple of nights were I've felt out if place with Harry, but this one has seemed to pound in the fact that we really are complete opposites.


There is not one ounce of me that wants to break up with Harry, but it's like my conscience is counting the days until it all falls apart. I don't know if it's because I've never been in love and this is all so new, or because I just overthink every aspect of my life, but I hope to God my feelings are false and I'm just overreacting. I love Harry too much to let him go, I'm just afraid he'll let me go at some point.

Notes

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