The seat belt sign turns on. Harry is sitting beside me scrolling on his phone while I look outside the window, absorbed by the light drizzle falling over London right now. There’s plenty of daylight for such a misty morning, yet it seems we’ve sucked up all the gloom as our faces display such exhaustion. My hands clutch on to my tall coffee cup; Harry and a few others have one as well. It seems like last night just dragged itself onward and while most of us are dying for a long nap, there’s tension of unresolved issues chipping on our shoulders.

Harry insisted that I stay in the hotel room while he went out searching for Kaycee last night. I protested till I finally had my way and followed along. About an hour later we got a call, she showed up at Troy’s hotel room, too wasted to make any sense. Zac found her asleep on the couch and carried her back to his room. Harry and I then made it back to his apartment where we got everything ready for our flight in a couple of hours. I hardly know Kaycee at all but that little voice inside me says she could probably use a friend.

I’m not a nosy person but when I sense something wrong my mind doesn’t shut off. The situation had nothing to do with me, only the band members. A requirement of my job is to blog about their experience on tour but that doesn’t include their personal issues. I can only hope the tension dies down for this tour could make or break them.

“You aright, babe?” Harry turns his head.

“Yeah, just recovering from last night.”

Harry nods and gets comfy in his chair with his neck pillow. I give him two minutes till he knocks out. I wait till we are in the air for a while to then squeeze by him and use the restroom. Of course, it’s occupied. Leaning by the door I observe the familiar faces occupying the business seats as I finish my coffee. Zayn and Niall follow Harry’s example with seats reclined and eyes shut while Liam sits next to Louis in deep conversation, scribbling in a notebook.

Walking down the aisle, I check the bathrooms in the coach section and spot Kaycee resting her head on Zac’s shoulder but he’s distracted reading his tablet. I have no interest in looking for Billy but I see something that sparks my interest. Across in the same row, Troy sits staring directly at the blonde couple. He seems troubled one minute and defeated the next as he throws his head back, closing his eyes.

I want to study his face further but my bladder is screaming. Sliding the lock over, I try my best at this balancing act; I hate these tiny bathrooms. My elbows hit the walls and sink as I try to push down my jeans, I can feel the germs itching my skin already. In my squatting position I go and notice spotting on my panty aside from my mild cramps. This usually happens after an active night with Harry, I don’t even notice the cramps as I’ve gotten use to them but I do regret not having any liners. Folding up a napkin for the meantime, I finish up before my claustrophobia kicks in.

Struggling quietly to slide the door shut, I glance over at Troy once again and he smiles back with a shy wave. There’s an empty seat beside him and I’m in no rush to return to my seat, so I stroll on over to his row.

“Would you like some company, unless you want to take a nap?” I raise my hands not wanting to impose.

Troy shakes his head and moves to the vacant seat allowing me the aisle one. After buckling in, we both take tired deep breaths.

“Did you get enough sleep after last night?” I half smile, adjusting my plum blouse and leopard cardigan.

“Not really,” he chuckles. “But I’m hoping to catch up on our next flight. What about you?”

“We stayed up too. I might have dozed off here and there.” Troy looks over and sits back in his seat. I can’t help think he’s worried about Kaycee. “How’s she doing?”

“I can’t tell. She rarely drinks hard like that and when she does it’s because something’s troubling her. I didn’t get a chance to talk with her much last night. She just showed up, barely able to walk. I’m just glad she made it to my room safe and not someone else’s.”

“Billy said they argue a lot. Is that true? Has it been going on for long?” The moment I ask, I notice the hesitation as Troy’s chest puffs up in defense. “Completely off the record,” I add while raising my hands.

“I’ve gotten used to it. I walk away before it has a chance to get ugly. I’d say it’s been a couple months now.”

“That’s sad. I hope the tour doesn’t make it more difficult.”

“It’s hard to say really. We know she does it for the attention but now Zac just seems to ignore her tantrums, which is why they happen more frequently.”

“So she’s basically crying out for his attention?”

“Kaycee’s a sweet girl but she’s always been confused on what she wants, I think. In high school she always dated these guys that were just all wrong for her. They’d impress her and then neglect her. I never understood what she saw in them.”

“But you remained close?”

“Yeah. . . I was that guy, her shoulder to cry on each time they hurt her. And I’m dreading that it will happen again, only this time if they break up, what’ll happen to the band?”

“Can I ask you a personal question?” I see the hesitation as Troy opens his mouth and then gives me a flat smile and a nod. “You don’t have anyone back home . . . is that because she’s here?”

“Is it that obvious?” He asks scratching the back of his head.

“No, don’t worry. I just see how much you care about her and you’re such a nice guy. . .”

“Yeah well that’s my problem,” Troy shakes his head and crosses his arms.

“How long have you liked her?” I pry, feeling more of a friendly bond now.

“Gosh, since the eighth grade!”

“That’s a long time, Troy. Are you ever going to tell her?”

“And ruin our friendship? Nah! She confides in me and besides . . . she’ll never think of me that way.”

“I had somewhat of a similar situation . . . well maybe not SO similar. I was really good friends with one of my professors, a young professor, and I found out later that he really liked me but never said anything till I was with Harry. Needless to say we don’t talk anymore . . . I miss his friendship at times. But things happen for a reason and had I been in a relationship with him, Harry and I never would have happened.”

“How DID you guys meet anyway?”

“I was visiting London for the first time and met him at an opening party. I came for the Beetlemania concert and Harry ended up singing one of their songs with Paul McCartney who happens to be my all-time favorite! I almost died when Harry introduced him to me.”

“Wow, you met Sir Paul McCartney eh? That’s crazy!”

“I know. The greatest moment of my life! I could barely utter my name!” I blush.

“So you guys haven’t been together very long then, I would never have guessed.”

“I know, it feels like we’ve known each other much longer than a measly month. That’s why I’m excited to be on this tour with him and have this amazing job. I’m very fortunate and immensely grateful for it too.”

“I’d say so. I’ve yet to experience the whole long distance thing. I guess I’ll see how some of the guys do it since they’ll be away from their fiancés.”

“Well even if you don’t end up with Kaycee, I hope you find yourself a nice girl. Who knows maybe you’ll meet someone on tour? I didn’t expect to meet anyone in London and now I’m very much in love,” I smile, imagining my sleepy boy.

“Yeah, they say it’s when you least expect it. I’ll just focus on not dropping my drum sticks while performing in front of all those people.”

“Good plan. Well, I’m going to head back to my seat now and let you sleep.”

“Alright. Thanks for the company and hey,” I turn around to give him my full attention. “Let’s keep this just between us, okay?”

“I’ll take it to my grave.”

Troy smiles and gives me a thumbs up. I tiptoe back to my chair and notice that Harry’s still asleep. I’m inspired to write another personal blog, so I pull out my laptop and unfold the mini desk from my seat. I ask the stewardess for a cup of water and discreetly take my pill out of its case, lest I forget. But before my fingers go wild on the keyboard, I begin to open older documents of past blogs. Having mentioned my reason for coming to London and what ended up happening made me want to reread my thoughts at that present time. It was and still is the best time of my life.

Soon I’m typing away, so moved and taken by Troy’s story although I mention nothing about him, as promised. I ponder the power of love and its dual sides, the pain and pleasure of it. Happiness and hurt. The cloud nine and the rock bottom. The Kaycee and the Jude. I relive that too good to be true feeling. Relationships have quarrels and problems, though Harry and I are great now, how will we react when it comes time to dealing with a bump in the road?

Finally, we land and are taken through a different route to a security office where we wait in a private room. Harry still looks sleepy and so does everyone else. Suddenly I remember that there’s sanitary vending machines in the bathrooms and I tell Calvin that I need to get some Airborne at one of the kiosks.

Striding through the hallway without a threat in sight, I gaze at the signs written in English and Spanish. I’ve never been to Madrid and I wish I could walk outside to get a better glimpse of the place but unfortunately there isn’t much time. Even if there was time, I’m sure it wouldn’t be possible due to security issues. I spot the restrooms and hurry inside, sighing in relief once I reach the tin white box.

I buy a handful and change myself in the stall. It’s a good thing I had that temporary napkin as I’m still spotting. I know they could be the side effects of the pill too, I just need to keep these handy at all times. I wash my hands and remember that Linda’s supposed to call me and tell me how it went last night. There’s still plenty of time so I pull out my phone from my purse.

I switch off the airplane mode and wait as I receive a few alerts, some coming from my Twitter even. Speaking of Twitter, I’ve been so behind on my posts or lack thereof, making sure I’m doing everything right for Calvin . . . which reminds me, should I be tweeting that they’re here? I haven’t been told to. Anyway, looking at my account, I almost drop my phone at the sight of four digits.

“Whaaaaaat? How do I have 5,383 followers?!” I had to shout it for not even my ears could believe it.

Scanning through my notifications I see the tweet from that one girl, @truekat1D, and I tap her message again.

@strawberryfieldsforjude Did you know about this? Might not be true but wanted to send it anyway…


Could Kendall Jenner be showing a baby bump? And could Harry Styles be the father?


My face cringes at this horrible joke. It is a joke right? I think I might have remembered the mention of her name once but it’s so vague. The gossip site has two pictures of the pretty girl wearing a loose shirt but you can’t even tell. Well maybe in one you could tell but this could be an altered image, right? I mean babies are born with a degree in Photoshop these days. Who’s to say this isn’t another digital masterpiece?

No matter the reality, it stings to read this headline. I torture myself, reading it over and over again. It can’t be true because Harry wouldn’t hide this from me . . . right?

Babe, did you find that kiosk? Where are you? We’re getting ready soon. –Hxx.

Harry’s text startles me. My hairs shoot up as though I’ve been caught snooping around but I wasn’t. This was handed to me and now all I’m left with is tormenting curiosity. Before I entertain more thoughts and questions, I look to my recent notifications and see another one from my friend.

@strawerryfieldsforjude My suspicions were right! It was just a silly rumor. Someone wrote a short article about the fake pictures. . .

I tap the link she provided and read on with genuine desperation. Thank goodness it’s only a rumor and I should know better, I did take a damn class about this crap after all. Taking a deep breath I begin to read as I slowly exit the bathroom. Pacing myself, I say aloud the parts that catch my eye.

Whoever did this must have it out for the young reality star because they sure didn’t fail to mention her ex, Harry Styles, as the possible baby daddy. . . We wonder what his girlfriend would have to say about it. Let’s be honest, she doesn’t compare to Kendall in the slightest but maybe that’s why he went for her?

Is this article for or against me?! Stopping before I can enter the office, I finish reading no matter how hurtful it’s turning out to be.

Not to worry, Harry Styles won’t be a daddy anytime soon that we know of. The real question is, if Hendall was a publicity stunt, what’s to say that his relationship with this “normal girl” isn’t either?

“Oh good, you’re back!” I hear Calvin blurt from behind me. I turn around and his expression changes immediately. “Jude, you look very pale, are you alright?”

No. I’m not alright.

I don’t compare . . . not in the slightest.

Notes

A/N: Chapter Playlist

"Heartache Is A Cold Place" - A Boy and His Kite

"Delicate" -Damien Rice


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