Our lips touched. It happened so suddenly I couldn’t back track to who had been the one to succumb. Convinced it was me, I gladly pull Harry closer to enjoy my loss. Reciprocating my actions, his mouth presses harder and my ear vibrates from his sweltering moans. How did we last this long? How am I this fulfilled from being so weak? No person has ever made me feel so small and spirited while keeping me in tune with my body and its secrets. A giggle escapes me and in seconds Harry joins in.

“Are ya laughin’ at me?” His husky tone is adorned with a bashful grin and perked brow.

“No,” I shake my head and allow our fingers to lace together.

“Umm hmm. You’re laughin’ because I couldn’t resist. It’s aright, you can boast about the win. I gave you a hard time anyway.”

“Wait, I won?!”

Harry nods and lowers his head to give me another smoldering kiss. I’m awestruck! Here I thought I was the weak one to yield to all of Harry’s wishes, turns out he has the same weakness . . .me!

“Not everyone understands and frankly I’m not sure how to explain it without soundin’ creepy but . . . I have this NEED to physically love you. I feel as though my words just aren’t enough, they hold no real depth to the way I can truly SHOW you . . . Am I makin’ any sense?”

I nod in response to his confession. Even though he’s never put it like that before, it isn’t foreign to me, I realized it along the way. I saw that he was a passionate and affectionate person, that’s his love language. There’s no possible way that a mere word of encouragement would suffice his appetite for physical love. I guess in some odd way, he’s taught me that language and now I recognize no other.

“Do you REALLY understand? Because I try so hard to hold back.”

“Hold back from what?”

“From havin’ you as much as I want to.”

“But you can have me whenever you want,” I say hoping to clear his mind.

Harry shakes his head, releases from my grip and rolls off. This must be frustrating him even more than I can fathom for his erection has softened; that’s so unlike him. He’s pinching the corner of his eyes and murmuring something under his breath. I can’t help sense some regret.

“I shouldn’t have opened my mouth . . . Stupid-” he mumbles.

“Harry talk to me!” I nudge him, sitting on my heels and completely dismissing the fact that my dress looks like a gold scrunchie around my waist.

He grunts and moves to sit against the headboard. Harry's head sinks as his hands run through his hair. What does he have to say that’s so hard he can’t just spit it out?

“I’ve tried tellin’ you before but it always comes out wrong. I wind up soundin’ like some possessive boyfriend who wants to have sex all the time but it’s not like that . . . entirely. It’s hard for me to explain because I’ve never dealt with this before, I’ve NEVER felt this way about anyone before. . .”

“Just try. I’ll understand,” I whisper and climb onto his lap, forcing him to look me straight in the eyes.

“That week that we spent together when I first met you, it did somethin’ to me. Yes, it was different but there was somethin’ that made me change my mind and want to pursue a relationship after what happened. . . When you left, I knew it would be hard but I wasn’t prepared-You sure you wanna hear this?”

“Yes, please,” I assure him as I place my hands over his chest.

“I mean, I felt like you took a piece of me when you went back home. If I’m honest, I couldn’t function. I lost my appetite and had trouble sleepin’. There was this physical ache of not havin' you in my bed, as off as that sounds. . . I haven’t even tried explainin’ it to my closest mates, fearin’ what they might say. I’ve clearly gone mad, “ he covers my hands with his and looks at me with shame in his eyes.

“I don’t think you’re mad, I felt the same way.”

“Not like I do, Jude. When I say that I need to love you, the satisfaction that I get is similar to an addict’s. The high that I get possessin’ you and takin’ you all for myself. . . leavin’ my scent all over your skin, markin’ what’s mine, like I own you . . . how is that sane? I don’t own you, Jude. It’s messed up . . . no, it’s fucked up!”

“I’m missing the part where this is supposed to scare me.”

“You’re not seein’ my depravity! You-you’re paintin’ this pretty picture in your head that this is all some sort of puppy love but it’s not! I’m obsessed, sexually depraved, infatuated and addicted to feelin’ a dominance over your will and your body. I can’t help want to be your every desire. To break every timid part of you so that you crave me in the same way!"

“Like a sexual addiction?”

“I can’t say so. I think. . . I-I was perfectly fine before us. I had dated someone a few months back but it never came close to this. Never even scratched the surface. It’s . . . it’s you!”

“So you don’t have any kind of mental illness or anything, it’s just that you NEED me because . . . you love me?”

“I know, it sounds dodgy but I love you SO much. Jude, I say obsession because I don’t know how else to word it. But I DO know that it’s love because I want you and only you. I care about you and want to protect and provide for you.”

“Do you think there will ever come a time when it will just burn out? I mean it has to. You can’t love a person like that for so long before getting bored and tired of them.”

“I can’t imagine my life without you, without this closeness. So no, I’ll never burn out.”

“Be completely honest with me just like you’ve been till now, would you still hold back even if I pleaded you not to?”

“I worry that I’d frighten you away. That it would be too intense and you’d want to leave me.”

“Well I’m asking you, demanding, that you not hold back anymore!” I smile and squeeze his shoulders.

“You mean it? Don’t ever hesitate to say no, I won’t be offended. Al-right?”

“I know, it’s just no one’s ever expressed these things to me before. . . and you being who you are, I never imagined. . .”

“I never imagined this either but it’s how I feel. I’m no one special, Jude. What’s worse is I keep dreadin’ the moment when you finally realize that.”

“Enough. Now, get me out of this dress and SHOW me.”

Harry licks his lips and takes a deep breath. Doing exactly as I asked, he pulls the dress over my head and gawks at my nakedness. His fingertips brush lightly over my collarbone and down my arms, though his face remains pale in worry.

“Freckles . . . Remember when you asked me what I thought the first time I saw you?” I nod right away. “Well, when you walked into my place, after Lou called you, I thought ‘I’m goin’ to steal her heart’. I wasn’t goin’ to ask or borrow it, because that would imply me returnin’ it. Then when you agreed to my silly idea, I knew that was my chance . . . but I didn’t expect you to watch me do it. You practically handed it over . . . and that’s when I fell into this.”

Harry wore a guilty mask and while most girls would have found this conversation a bit much, there were no words spoken that could’ve caused me to leave his side. Instead, I felt a certain amount of security and bizarre fixation over this so called obsession. A shiver went down my spine when he acknowledged the idea of owning me. Why my body responded to that, I don’t care to explain. Yet, my curiosity lingers at the revelation of his mild behavior.

I want this. To see Harry’s true self. To understand and be shown the depths of his desire towards me. Not to say that somewhere in the back of my mind I’m absolutely terrified of these possibilities but at the same time they excite me beyond limits.

“Don’t be afraid, Harry. I’m not that same shy girl you met a month ago,” I confirm and kiss his forehead.

“That’s my fault.”

“Yes and I’ve loved every minute of it.”

Hoping to shift Harry away from this guilt trip, I begin to rock my hips ever so slowly. I appear more eager than he does as I tear down another layer of his mental restraints. His fingers gradually vine over my back, crawling and digging in my skin as he hisses from my movement. He desperately breathes me in, pressing his nose harshly against my neck and one hand abruptly loosens my hair until it falls free.

I resume the task I had foregone earlier by taking the lead. With my hands around his waist I push myself against him to feel him deeper. The passion escalates faster than I can gasp for oxygen. My skin is sizzling from the heat generating between us. We’re soaring out of this room and to our very own secret hideaway where no one can find us, free to melt into each other and dwell in this addiction that Harry believes to be alone in.

I’m nowhere near the edge, I’m somewhere else. If the climax is the fall after reaching the top then what’s this floating feeling? Before I can think of more words to describe this experience I hear a phone ring.

“Ignore it,” Harry muffles as he desperately nibbles at my neck.

I try.

The ringing stops but then starts again. My head jerks back wondering who it is while Harry is doing a splendid job drowning out the noise with the smacking of his lips against me. The silence returns and I close my eyes to get back to that place. Though the second I hear my cell go off this time, my eyes shoot open.

“Let me check quickly,” I push off and reach for my purse. It’s an unknown number. “Hello?”

“Hey Jude, I’m so sorry to wake you. I just wanted to make sure that Kaycee wasn’t with you.”

“Billy?” I ask now scared to see Harry’s expression.

“I know it’s late, but I wouldn’t be calling you unless it were an emergency and Harry isn’t picking up so. . . I got a call from Zac saying they had another fall out and she just took off.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m driving around now but I haven’t a fucking clue where to go.”

“I don’t know-“ I’m distracted by Harry’s flailing hand asking for my phone. I cover the bottom and try to update him on what’s going on. He nods knowingly.

“Hey mate, have you tried Lou or Troy?” Harry’s scowl shows annoyance and concern. “She’s a grown woman, I’m sure she’ll give someone a call if she needs help . . . she left her phone? Oh.”

Crazy thoughts inflate my mind and I fear the worst. Where in the world could she be with only eight hours left till our flight? Their relationship is like electricity nearing a pool of water. It scares me. I pray that Harry and I never experience whatever they’re going through but sometimes it’s inevitable. Harry said he couldn’t picture life without me and I’m afraid the same holds true on my end.


(there's definitely something about this face expression)

Notes

A/N: Chapter Playlist

"Amalfi" -Hooverphonic

"Hurricane" -MS MR

"Close Enough" -The Stationary Set


Voila! I updated sooner this time :) I'm back on the right track. As you all know, there are things happening behind the curtains and some Jude may or may not have control over, as is life. I'd like to know what you think of Harry's confession? I know that many fan fics depict this darker Harry and frankly that's not what I'm trying to do. I hope I did a good job at explaining it in his words but more importantly that you still see it as LOVE, no matter how intense or physical.

Anywho, I really miss you guys and the comment exchange. So feel free to drop in and say Hi. I wish you a great week and weekend. Thank you again for your subscriptions (because it means you actually look forward to this story xoxo) And your votes are awesome! I'm just grateful that you enjoy the story first and most importantly.

And poor Kaycee, huh?