Hey Jude I & II
The Ugly Beauty of Fame
A/N: Chapter Playlist
“Drag You Down" -Shirock
"Don't Give Up On Me" -Milo Green
“Everything Has Changed” -Taylor Swift
The next two days would have been like any other day, but I'm afraid after London, my days will never be just ordinary. I'm not only referring to my involvement with a certain someone but the circumstances that were beginning to surround me, without me even knowing it.
First of all, One Direction is literally everywhere. Reminders and images of Harry tug at my heart strings with every turn. Whether on the radio, at the supermarket magazine and toothbrush aisles; school supplies and cosmetic departments. Makes me smile each time knowing why they're so obvious to me now, where as before they simply blended in the background.
The temptation is greater than I'm willing to admit. If I had the opportunity to research everything on my ex-boyfriend from past relationships to personal facts, regardless if they were true or not, I would do it. We are curious by nature and a generation that wants answers yesterday. Just knowing that I have that information at my fingertips, haunts me every waking hour.
My inner voice screams from the top of her lungs not to cave in, it isn't fair to Harry. Especially when I know, from my Media and Society class, that less than half the news spread about celebrities are false statements from unreliable resources. I hope to be a better writer than all the gossips and slanderers who's sole purpose is to ruin people's lives starting with their reputation.
"Before I dismiss you, I have the topic of your final paper. You have precisely two weeks to hand it in. I will NOT accept late work, if I find any in my mailbox I will simply toss it in the trash bin," Roger's smirk is pleasant but we all know he's done it before. "I want five to ten pages, double space on the following: Critique the social impact of new forms of immediacy and intimacy made possible by electronic communication. And the second part of your essay. . . I want you to analyze creativity and intellectual property rights in the online environment. . . you are free to go."
I puff with my eyes bulging out from their socket, what a mouthful of a project. If Roger weren't my friend I'd despise him for such a lengthy assignment, on top of the side works he already has me doing. Putting my laptop away, I make my way down the steps towards the exit when I hear Roger call my name.
"Hey Jude, do you have a minute?"
"Sure," I detour to his desk and rest my bag on the corner.
Roger waves to the rest of the students that go out of their way to say goodbye to him, answering quick questions with few words. He's very liked for being so strict with his assignments, earning our respect and attention, along with his consistent participation at university events.
He walks around to the front of the desk and opens his laptop before crossing his arms, ready to interrogate me. I feel as though I've been caught doing something illegal.
"So, anything interesting happen in London? Anything you'd like to share perhaps?"
"Umm," I bite the corner of my mouth, frighten and speechless.
Roger raises a fist to cover his mouth, he looks serious but more worrisome. "Meet anyone special?"
He turn's his laptop around and my eyes are flooded by images of Harry and I. I knew of some, or so I thought, but that many? I can count the times, with one hand, when we stepped out in public and everything seemed okay. But I guess even on those days we were being watched and photographed. The night clubs, touring around London and Liverpool, even the airport. Google Images held nothing back.
"How-how did you find this? What did you loo-look up?" I ask in complete dismay.
"I couldn't help notice the massive amount of followers you have on your twitter now. Many of them had links to the original accounts of these pictures and kept repeating the phrase "Harry's new girlfriend"?"
My brain takes a plunge down the toilet. Here I was being cautious not to snoop around too much on these social networks and little did I know I had no control over my identity being publicized. Although I'm shocked beyond words, I can't say that I didn't expect this at some point in time, thinking it would happen much later down the road. Thankfully I had no secrets or past regrets that needed hiding, they could search me all they want.
"So are you?"
"Am I what?" I break away from the screen to see Roger squinting his eyes at me.
"Are you dating this guy? The band member?"
I don't know that I like his tone anymore. It appears as though he is waiting for me to deny it, or else I'm bound to hear his opinion whether I want to or not. A queasy sensation overtakes my stomach, turning into a cramp. He can't be making me feel that uncomfortable, can he? I shyly nod, confirming the validity of my current relationship status. Roger snickers, about-facing with his hands clasping over his head.
"You've got to be kidding me, Jude!"
"Why is it so hard to believe that I'm dating Harry?" I don't understand his reaction.
"Harry," he mumbles under his breath. "Jude, why haven't you written anything about this? Do you know how this falls hand in hand with what I'm discussing in class?"
"Roger, as my friend, you know I can't write about this nor will I ever."
"You're right, I apologize. But Jude, do you want your name to be known for your work or for being some celebrity's girlfriend?"
"For my work of course and I'm sure Harry would agree."
"How is it you left for a week and you're already in a relationship? Don't answer that. . . Can you come in tomorrow? I need help editing some last minute entries for the Writer's Corner segment."
"Tomorrow's Saturday," I frown, not sure I want to come in on the weekend.
"Alright fine, spoil the surprise," I see Roger's desperate attempt to change the mood of our conversation. "Beatrice Summers, the assistant editor of Phoenix Woman Magazine will be paying us a visit and is very interested in talking with you about a possible intern position after I expressed your desire to work for them."
"You're NOT serious?!"
"Oh no Jude, I'm VERY serious! She'll be here at eleven thirty sharp."
I can't handle this overload. After this slab of good news, I make way to the bathroom where I confirm my uncomfortable suspicions. Well there goes any hopes or fears of being with-child, cramps are becoming more frequent but at least now I have an excuse to be an emotional wreck.
My steps feel sloppy and my body heavy and bloated. Stumbling into the drivers seat, I place my bag on the passenger's side and rescue my phone. The thought of all those pictures floating around has me a bit uneasy. Could be my overreaction due to my low estrogen levels. I like and despise twitter, there’s just so much access and little power to intervene with stranger's curiosities. It's been so long since I've posted anything that I don't know what to say, I'd over analyze everyone's response.
Believing to have caught an interesting tweet thread, I read through while I carefully pull out and drive onto the main road. There's no congestion on the streets, only traffic lights, giving me minute gaps to read on.
"Harry talked about his girlfriend on the radio with Nick. Its true, its true! Why can't she be me?" I read aloud.
There's a link that immediately follows and I'm wondering if its the actual interview. Before I even look up, I step on the gas thinking the car in front of me has moved. I was wrong, he only meant to move a few inches. His red lights send my heart in a panic as I slam on the breaks. Its too late and I've run out of room fast.
My car jolts from the sudden impact. I can't keep it in. I'm furious at myself once I see his hazard lights turn on, I proceed to switch on mine and step out from the car. Luckily, this mid-aged man holds no hostile demeanor. I'm on the verge of tears as I look at the small dent I left on his bumper and the canyon left on mine. Just thinking about the procedure I'll have to withstand, it's going to be a while till I get home now.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yes, I'm fine," I sigh and hang my head. "I'm so sorry Sir, I'll go get my insurance papers in the glove box."
"Sorry? I feel sorry for your car, I don't care about this heap of metal!" he throws his hand in the air.
"Would you still like my information?"
"Don't worry about me. Just be careful next time."
What are the chances that I would have a friendly car accident. The impact was mild and could have been way worse for my first incident, still I wasn't necessarily smiling about the fresh scar on the tip of my hood. I convince him to take my number just in case and soon we are back on the road, my phone snug back in the bag.
It doesn't take long till I pull up the driveway and surrender my will. Tears release from my eyes and I let go without a care; no one's watching. Between my frazzled nerves and this day, it dawns on me that I have no one to vent to. I have no close friend to share my stupid thoughts and nonsense with. I have my mom and while she has been nothing but a rock star for me, I long for that person I can speed dial and talk their ear off.
Linda comes to mind, but we haven't reached that tight knit yet. My cheeks are soaked and all I yearn for is Harry to be by my side holding me in one of those smothering bear hugs. Wiping my eyes, I glance at the black smeared line on my fingers from the make up, never minding my raccoon mask.
All I wish for are words of comfort from Harry, seeking the friend out of this supposed relationship we have. Its around eight at night where he's at. In hopes of getting a quick response, I text him a simple message, though I fear he might be busy.
Hope your day has gone better than mine. I've had a strange one. Maybe we can chat tomorrow? Miss you :/ -J<3
I hadn't spoken with him since our FaceTime chat. Harry text me later the next day, telling me how lovely his day with his family was going while I ached in jealousy. Yesterday he was busy all day, and so was I, finishing my first of three papers. So life was faithful in keeping us distracted with her demands.
Finally, I settle down and remove my key, ready to grab my bag when my phone rings. Looking at the tiny screen, my heart bleeds happy tears to see the caller.
"I'm soooooo glad you called," my chest inflates with relief.
"Baby, what's wrong? Didn't I say you could call me any time no matter what?" Harry argues sympathetically.
"Yes, I know. This day has just . . ." I sniff and hope it doesn't alarm him.
"Have you been cryin'? Where are you now?"
"I've been sitting in my car outside my house for the last ten minutes."
"Good, I want you to collect your things and get out of your car."
"Okay," I exhale and do as he says.
"Now, I want you to go to your front door and tell me if you see my package."
"I wish I could see your package," I mumble with dirty thoughts.
"What's that, love?" he laughs. "Missin' me a lot I reckon?"
"I honestly don't know where that came from," I gasp in embarrassment. Since when have I become this careless in keeping my thoughts to myself?
"You can tell me you miss my banana," his chuckle seduces my ear. "I bet you are smiling right now and feelin' better already."
I am, he has that gift. It doesn't help that my menstrual cycle makes me extremely. . .let's say sensitive, for lack of the better word. There's actually a package sitting by my doorstep, the thought of what could be inside has already done a 180 on my mood.
"I have the package," I smile into the phone and pick it up.
"Lovely. Now go inside, relax and get comfortable. And only then, you may open it. I hope it makes you feel better, love. I miss you tons."
"Thank you for cheering me up."
"Of course. See, I'm not such a horrible boyfriend."
"I never said you were."
"But my timing was ace! I do have to go for a bit, I'll call you later or at least text. I want to hear about this strange day of yours. . . are you busy tomorrow?"
"Nope, I'll be home all day. Don't stress about calling back, we can talk tomorrow."
"But I waaant to. Aright then, don't forget to relax, babe."
"I feel much better now. Bye Harry."
The sound of his kiss through the receiver enforces one last teardrop. I want to rip the package open but Harry's plan sounds better, because he puts so much thought into things. And he really did have impeccable timing. Dropping everything on the dinning table, I get a knife from the kitchen counter and sit down to carefully cut through the slits. My eyes water again the instant I see a white pastry box.
Comfort food is exactly what I need right now. Grabbing a glass of milk, I move this party for one to the living room where I park in front of the first sappy movie I can find. A smile from ear to ear surfaces when I see the apple turnover, maple pecan plait and vanilla creme crown. It's no surprise that I remember each one by their names, they are that delectable.
Waking up from a dream with Harry means more than anyone could ever fathom. Where I can hold him, remember his smell and hear his laugh while memorizing his expressions. It feels like torture the second my eyes open, but I swear his scent floats over me like a hopeful cloud. My cell chimes and I'm taken back to our texts last night, until my dreamy train of thought is broken by someone else.
Don't forget about the interview today. Be here prompt! -Roger
Ugh! I know I should be more excited, as long as Roger backs off any talk regarding my new relationship, things won't get awkward. Speaking of which, I didn't bother mentioning it to Harry yesterday, not wanting to cause unnecessary worry. I did tell him about my car accident and my annoying cramps, turning me into an emotional ticking bomb. He laughed at me but only because he felt bad, so he says, in turn he ended up asking me what my favorite flower was. Peach roses.
The cramps urge me out of bed, feeling the weight of those extra calories from my care package, there's no way I'm wearing tight clothes today. I laugh at my little pooch on my way to the bathroom right across my door. Its only seven thirty. Why am I up so early on a Saturday? Once I freshen up, I grab my phone and head downstairs to see if my parents are in the kitchen.
Even though we have our own agendas during the weekdays, I can always expect my parents to be at the dinning table on Saturday mornings, mugs filled to the brim with hazelnut coffee and good conversation. I have my special Lennon cup, dad got it as a birthday present, waiting for me next to the brewed pot. He always sets it in the same place, knowing I'll stop there first before kissing them good morning. I'm not kidding about feeling young and innocent in my house, though I left with a small secret and came back with a dirty load.
We make small conversation, mostly about my interview in a few hours. Out of nowhere my phone rings and I get up to snatch it off the counter. It's Harry. I look up at my mom and flash her a huge grin while I slowly pace around the kitchen.
“Helloooo,” I answer with a tune.
“Good mornin', beautiful. Has it come yet?”
It takes me a moment to digest his sexy morning voice before I can reply, “What?”
“No, not yet. Do they deliver this early?”
“I paid extra so they would, I wanted you to look at them while you drank your coffee.”
“That's so sweet, Harry,” I twirl in place.
Suddenly there's a light pounding on the door. My parents sit up but I hold my hand out to sign that I'll get it. I hope I don't scare the poor delivery guy away with my careless appearance, roaming around in striped sleepwear, at least its modest.
“I think he's here, Harry.”
“Okay, I'll wait. I hope you like them,” he sounds nervous. “I called a few places to find them.”
I open the door to see a dozen beautifully bloomed peach roses held high. They look extravagant as their fragrance hits me.
“Oh Harry, they are gorgeous!”
“No, you are,” he holds down the bouquet and hangs up the phone.
So first off I don't get why these random links appear scattered all over the chapter and am unaware how to unlink them, as I've tried and failed.
Anyways.... whatcha think about the chappy? I'm feeling extremely peppy and have not fully recovered from the ending... still swooning. I hope you enjoyed it!
I want to give a S/O to an awesome story I've recently read . . . Smiles and Secrets from @awaywithwords. Its exceptional and had me in literal tears. Love all of you and thank you for your tremendous support and feedback. Muah!