Over the next two weeks, I felt strangely. Something about waking up in the morning made my stomach churn. I just wasn’t myself much. I could tell people were beginning to notice. Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
As I rested my head against my hand, trying to calm myself from violent vomiting early in the morning, there was a knock on my door.
“Don’t come in.” I said in a gruff voice. I didn’t want a single soul to hear my violent hurling. The knocks got louder and more together. Eventually, the person had to be let in. I groaned in pain. “Fine. Come in.”
The clink of heels on the floor slowly approached the bathroom. I was met by Perrie’s hands pulling back my hair. The look on her face was pure worry. She exclaimed, “Mitchie! Are you alright?”
I shook my head. I was unable to even speak. Every time I would try to talk, I would end up puking more than I could keep up with. I just tried my hardest to speak, but I was failing epically.
Worry creased her face. She was thinking something. Surly, she was considering the possibilities that could have made me sick. She ruled out reason after reason. Cause after cause. Five minutes went by. Nothing but the sound of vomit, and a flushing toilet broke the silence. She sat back when I pulled myself up. She gasped silently to herself.
“Mitchie,” she gasped. “You don’t think you could be pregnant…can you?”
I looked at her with the weirdest expression. “What?” I asked. Suddenly, I began to remember. I remembered my night with Harry. Did he use protection? What about my period? Had I over missed the days? Did I think I just hadn’t started because it wasn’t the time of my month?
I waited a moment, “What day is it?”
She answered, “October the first…why?”
I waited a moment. I counted up the days. I realized I was late. The horror covered my face. “Because I’m late.” I answered.
She quickly got up and ran out yelling, “You wait right here!”
I was sitting on my bed when Perrie came running through the door with Zayn right behind her. It was early still. No later than five in the morning. Zayn was holding a box that he handed to Perrie immediately.
“What’s going on?” He demanded.
Perrie took him by his hand and whispered something into his ear. He looked down at me with wide eyes. He mumbled something silent to her, and she nodded. He walked over to me, kneeled down, and took my hand.
“You alright, Mitchie?”
I nodded, “Yeah.” My voice raised a bit. I knew he knew I was lying to him. His eyes told me “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.”, but he just nodded and hugged me.
“You come straight to me when you figure it out,” he told Perrie and I. She nodded to him, and he walked out.
I looked down with my head in my hands. We hadn’t even started any kind of test to figure out if my suspicions were true. I was worried to the point of nausea just thinking about it. Perrie took me up in a hug and assured me everything was going to be alright. However, it wasn’t the result of the test that worried me. What truly worried me was if it were true, was the reaction of Harry. What was I to do?
I was given the test. She was obviously nervous. Maybe, she was more nervous than I. Silently, I went slowly though the long, dreary process. If this were any other day, any other time, or any other century, I’m sure I’d be happy, but I was so full of fear. I waited nervously for the test. I heard the small beep of the timer on my phone. I looked down at the test. My blood ran cold.
Positive.
“Perrie,” I said with nervousness setting in.
“What’s the result?” She came running in. I didn’t even tell her because she took the test from my hand. It only took her a split moment before she comprehended everything. Without looking at me, she ran out of the room to tell Zayn.
I only had a matter of minutes before Harry would be up. I couldn’t keep it from him. He would have to know. It was his child inside of me. My stomach was heavy. It felt like it weighed another ten pounds. My nerves were shot almost to the point of passing out.
I sat down on the bed. Moisture filled my eyes heavily. I was so terrified. I kept thinking that Harry wouldn’t accept this. He would tell me it wasn’t his responsibility. I was worried and terrified. No, I was petrified that he’d send me away or send himself far away.
Within the next minute, Zayn was in the room. Perrie not too far behind him, followed. He took my hand and nodded to me. He signaled without word that Harry needed to know. I understood this.
“What am I supposed to say?”
“The only thing you can.” he said. “You must be blunt and honest. I know him, and he won’t run. He’ll understand. He’ll want to be here.”
Perrie agreed, “He’s right, Mitchie.”
“How are you sure?” Worry filled my voice.
She nodded. “Harry is a good guy. He’s understandable. Trust me, he isn’t a player by any means. He isn’t what the media depict him to be.”
I sighed. I took in three or four lungful of air slowly. They were right. I had to be strong. I had to tell him. I didn’t want to tell him early but it would be the only free time we had. With shaky hands and jelly feet, I got up to tell him. As I walked out, I heard Zayn say to me, “It’s going to be alright. Don’t worry.”
My hand felt covered by complete dried concrete. I didn’t want to knock. Something inside of me secretly hoped and prayed that this was all a nightmare. I kept thinking that I was just nineteen. I didn’t have a job. I was still caring for my mother, and my sister too. All the negatives flowed like a bursting dam flooding a town below it. My feet slowly dragged across the carpet to the door from time to time. My pacing was the only thing that kept my legs from giving.
I was still trying to piece together how I was supposed to tell Harry. I couldn’t just come out and say, “Oh, by the way. I’m pregnant.” What kind of person does that? I had to be civil about it. But I knew he would know something was up. Why else would I be at his door before the sun was even risen? I heaved a heavy sigh. I had to do it. I knocked on the door. Three quick, loud taps.
Almost suddenly, the door swung open. I was met by a messy Harry, wiping his eyes. He took a few seconds to get adjusted. I remembered that my eyes had to be blood red. I was crying in the floor in Perrie’s arms just two seconds before. Something that felt like an eternity now. He noticed the sense of stress in me.
“Mitchie,” he groaned heavily. “What’s the matter?”
I had the test in my hand. My palm grasped it tightly. I was almost certain I had it hidden, but I was proven wrong. He looked down suddenly and saw the white plastic sticking out from the opening in my hand. He went to grab it but had difficulty.
“What is that?” he pointed at the test.
I hesitated my reply. “A pregnancy test.”
The look in his eyes grew wide. He was definitely awake now. He took my hand and quickly pulled me in. Once I was in, the door came shut quickly, but quietly. With one quick gust, Harry turned around, grabbed the test, and ran for a light. I stood motionless in the room. By now, horror paralyzed my body in a way it never had before.
I don’t recall being as scared in my life as I was at that exact moment. I watched Harry as he examined the plastic strip over and over again. His face was motionless, expressionless. I couldn’t depict what he was feeling, or what he would do. I chose not to say a word. Maybe, I could just stand here and let him have a moment to sink everything in.
Minutes that felt like hours ticked by. I looked at the ground with tears pouring out of my eyes. I waited with patience for his response. When I didn’t get one, I panicked a little bit. He looked up and saw what was going on. He rushed over to me, and he pulled me into his warm, tight embrace.
“Why are you worried? No-please don’t have a panic attack. Mitchie, please.” his words were firm, but I could even sense the fear in him. He held up the test to his face.
“You’re not misreading,” I said. “It says positive.”
He put the stick down on his nightstand. Taking my hand, he kissed it. He didn’t say a word, he just sat me down. “Is there something you feel like you need to say?”
I lied down on the bed. I struggled with my words. “I’m scared.”
Registering my words, he sat down and rubbed his hand across my head and stomach. “There’s no need to be,” he said. “I’m not walking out on you.”
“How am I going to do this?” By now the panic was at his highest gear. My hands trembled with fear, and I had to force myself to stay at a whisper so no one else could hear. “I’m just nineteen, Harry! I still have to care for my mom and sister! This is insane! I’m freaking out.”
He took my head in his hands and kissed it lightly. I listened to him as he hushed me and said, “You’re not going to do this alone. I’ll take time off. I’ll help out. I’ll be there with you. I’m not a dick, or a douche. I’m here. Okay? Mitchie, I’m here.”
His arms folded around me. He allowed me to let out the rest of my intense sobbing and weeping. My pain made him wince as he held tightly onto me. It dug into him like a knife cutting into a murder victim. I knew he was hardly able to refrain from crying himself. I had to pull myself together, but I had to get it out.