Warning(s)?: Self-Harm! If you have suffered from depression/selfharm/anorexia please turn back now, if you are worried that you might relapse. I don't want to be the source of your pain. :(

That feeling of calm that you get after you self-harm. It's like being high. Everything is okay in the world for a minute. And for that night you can sleep calmly. Weird how something so evil can feel so good.

...

Marcel's lips against mine feel so right. Like we're meant to be together. Like everything in the world doesn't matter anymore. Because it doesn't when I'm with him. I press him up against a wall and then bring his lips down to mine. Because everything in right. Perfect. Nothing matters.

Then everything breaks. He pushes me away from his body. Tears burn in my eyes and I run away.

That's what I do. I run from my problems. I can't face them, so why bother? I take some deep breaths, trying to stop a panic attack from inducing. Because, if it does; Marcel's the only one that knows why I'll become panicked.

They never did prove that Cody did anything to me. Everyone knows that he ... raped me after I was running track. I quit the team after that.

My world broke that day.

Pushing open the door to my dorms bathroom, I pull the razor from under the skin. I promised myself that I wouldn't do this ever again.

No. I promised Marcel. And he promised to fix me.

Looking at my already scarred forearm, I bring it down. Deeply. The blood instantly starts to pour from my arm and I can't even try to compartmentalize what I've done. Because, it don't need my compartmentalization skills when I'm here.



There's just something about all that blood, I drown in it.

I bring it down again.

Fix me, Marcel. Cut.

I love you, Avery. Cut.

You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Cut.

I'm fixing my broken spots. When I look down the bathroom floor is splattered with my bright red blood. It's on my sleeves and covering my small razor blade. I start to shiver as what I've done starts to sink in.

What do I do know?

I can't go to Greg or Ryan. Sara, Narnia and Melissa would kill me. I can't go to Mom. Or Ashlee. Or Elizabeth. Or Hannah. Nope, to soon. Hannah, my younger sister, killed herself last year. She hadn't been a self-harmer, like me; she was just purely suicidal. And her death had been because she hated me so much.

Pulling down my sleeves, I rush from the dorm. My eyes have filled with tears as I try to figure out what to do.

I could go to Marcel. But he hates me. No, he'll understand. Just this once.

Stumbling across the courtyard, I lightly knock on Marcel's door.

"Mars?" I whisper weakly.

"G-Go away, A-Avery." He replies.

"Please Marcel. It's important." He opens the door and then his green eyes go wide when I pull my my sleeves; showing him my shaking arms.



"Get in now, Avery." He hisses. Without a stutter.

"Mars, help me."

"W-Why?"

"Because you don't love me."

He places a rough kiss against my lips and then pull me into his bathroom. He starts to dab at the red liquid that is still dripping down my arms.

"S-Shit, Avery. Y-You've done i-it this time." Wrapping my arms in some soft white fabric, he lightly kisses each wrist and then pulls me into his bed.

"I l-love you, A-Avery." Marcel kisses my cheek and then twists a lock of my pastel hair in his soft fingers.

"I love you too, Marcel."

...

Cayla's POV (dun dun dun)

I wonder where Marcel is? Probs off with that Avery chick. But Marcel isn't my goal in this game. It's Avery. She destroyed my sisters reputation and now it's my turn to destroy her. It's not like her feelings matter.

I totter into my small bathroom in my dorm room and stare into the mirror.

You're fat, Cayla. The words ring in my ears. It's the last thing that Alice said to me. You'll never seduce Marcel if you look like that.

I suck in my stomach and then look at myself. I'm blurring. I'm fat.


Turning from my room, I walk down the hallway, until I get to Marcel's.

The door's open?

Pushing it open, I see her.

Avery Small.

In bed with my boyfriend.

Well well, what do we have here?

Pulling my iPhone from my pocket, I click on the camera. This is so perfect. God is totally on my side. I knew that he thought my bitchiness was funny.

Click!

Click!

Click!

Well, Avery Small. Let's see how this works out now, shall we?

Notes

I'm so sorry if this chapter hurt you in any way! I was crying when I wrote it :(

Dedicated to everyone and anyone that has gone through what Avery and Cayla are suffering from!

Stay strong, you're beautiful my Geeks!

xx Narnia