It Takes Patience
Chapter 49: To Find a Way
*Reagan’s POV*
Before I left the building, I had to go to the bathroom to try and compose myself. Dr. Baker’s words continued to run through my head and I think of everything that is going to be ripped away from me in a week. How do I make a wise choice between what my heart and what my brain tell me to do? The sad part is regardless to what my heart want’s, they are revoking my workers visa. We were so careful. How will I tell him? Tears rake my body again, but I manage to get to the sink and splash my face with cool water. When I look in the mirror, I am worse off than before I got here. I don’t recognize the person looking back at me. She’s helpless, stressed, afraid, worn out, and torn between one future and another. I grab a paper towel from the dispenser and wipe my face one last time before leaving out.
I call for a cab to come pick me up in front of the hospital and just when I think my day can’t get any more wretched, I’m proven wrong yet again. Peyton. His eyes are red rimmed with dark circles around them. He looks exhausted. I try to hide my face so he doesn’t see me but my reflexes right now are too delayed.
“Reagan?” I glance at him before dropping my head, too ashamed to face him, too embarrassed of my appearance at the moment to stand confidently.
“Hi Peyton.” My voice cracked unintentionally. Please not now. Please don’t breakdown now.
“Don’t worry I won’t bother you it’s pretty clear that you don’t want to be around me anymore. I only wish I know what it is that I did wrong.” The shards that are left of my heart crack more as I look at the man that I hurt stand in front of me. Before I can tell him how sorry I am he looks at me closely and rake his tired eyes over my swollen red rimmed ones.
“Are you alright? What’s happened?”
“It’s a long story Peyton, I don’t really feel like talking about it right now. Just something with my case study is all.” Peyton nods in understanding but reaches one hand up to cup my cheek as he speaks.
“Reagan, I know that you don’t feel the same for me as I do for you. That’s clear now, but if you ever need to talk I’m here. I’ll always be here for you Reagan.” I bite my tongue to stop a new tidal wave of tears from falling. How could I have been so horrible to someone who treats me so kindly regardless to what I’ve done to him? He removes his hand from my face and says a small ‘good bye’ to me before he walks away.
When my taxi finally pulls up, I give him Harry’s address instead of my own. I need to see him. Every moment now is all the more precious and I text him with a set of fingers crossed hoping that he’s home.
To: Harry! Pleassssse?!
Where are you? Please say your home H.
From: Harry! Pleassssse?!
I’m not, but I will be in five, ten minutes....Why do you ask?
My eyes begin to glaze over again and I take a shaky breath hoping not to break down in the taxi.
To: Harry! Pleassssse?!
I need to see you. I’m on my way to your house. I’ll be there soon, please hurry back. Are your mom and sister home?
From: Harry! Pleassssse?!
You’re an eager one...Gemma...maybe, mum no.
I arrived at Harry’s house and since his car wasn’t outside, I opted to sit and wait for him on his front porch until he got there. It was a relief when I found out that his mom wasn’t there, however I have to still try and pull myself together if Gemma is. She’s seen me cry too much already.
When Harry pulls up and gets out of his car I stand up not able to move but as soon as he gets to me I wrap my arms around his neck and allow tears to shake my entire body once again.
*Harry’s POV*
When glasses wraps her arms around my neck and begins to sob she catches me completely off guard. Usually when she says she needs me it’s because she wants to have sex and since I’m kind of horny myself I didn’t press the matter, but this I really don’t know how to handle. She’s already tiny but right now she seems smaller. I can feel my mood begin to shift and I go from mellowed to angry in seconds. I hate seeing her like this. Her personality is so bubbly for the most part and crying isn’t like her. I mean, okay, granted I’ve made her cry once or twice, but it was never like this. I wrap my arms around her back and tell her to jump, when she does I carry her into the house and in my room closing the door behind me while I rub her back hoping that it sooths her.
“Shh shh Reagan.” I tried to put her down on my bed but when I moved to let her go she tightened her grip on me. She’s pretty strong for a smaller person. I clearly wasn’t going to be able to go anywhere so I sat down against the headboard of my bed with her on my lap and continued to rub her back until she mildly calmed herself down. When her breathing gets back to a somewhat normal pace I turn my head to try to get her to un-nuzzle her face out of my neck. When she finally lets me see her face, it’s puffy and her eyes are red rimmed and swollen from crying. Her piercing hazel eyes meet my green ones and even when she’s distraught she’s still beautiful.
“Hey.” I really don’t know what else to say. I’ve only ever consoled Gemma or my mom when they cried, but that’s different than this. I always knew that they cried over me and my fucked up situation and since I was the reason for the tears I knew how to stop them. When Reagan cries so hard that it shakes her frame, I feel lost and I swear to myself I’ll fuck up whoever upset her.
“Hi.” Her voice is horse from the tears and I feel anger rise again.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?” I try to steady my tone as to not take my anger out on her but I’m pissed. No one should be upsetting her but me. Reagan puts her head back on my shoulder that’s now soaked from her crying and nuzzles my neck again before she answers me.
“I got fired. They pulled me off your case.” What the fuck?!
“Why?! What happened?!”
“Can we talk about it later H.?” I can feel her toying with my necklace and then, oh god!
“Reagan...Reagan stop.” Her lips place feather kisses along my neck and she manages to find the one damn spot that drives me insane. When she nibbles and licks over the skin right above my collar bone on my neck, I try to keep my eyes from rolling to the back of my head, but my body jerks unwillingly at the contact. Now that she knows that’s my weakness she uses it against me as she continues her assault there. I need to fuck her! Focus! I mean I need to focus! And as appealing as it would be to have her legs spread eagle while I pound her into the mattress it wouldn’t be right. She has to tell me why less than five minutes ago she was bawling as if the world was going to end.
“Reagan, stop now or I won’t be able to.”
“I don’t want you to. I need you. To be close to you as possible. Fuck me please Harry?” Her voice goes husky and it’s still raspy from her crying. It’s so sexy. Shit! Why is she making this so damn difficult?
“No Reagan, we need to talk now. Why did you get fired off your internship?” Reagan huffs and pulls back off of my neck and she did it in the nick of time because if she would have kept going even a second more I would have contradicted myself. I mentally pat myself on the back for having self-control and look at Reagan while she sits on my lap.
“Dr. Baker found out about us. Dr. Leerman was there when I got to her office and I fucked everything up. All the work that I did to get here, and the work I did on you, my scholarship it’s all gone.” When she drops her head I see a tear fall again and I begin to slightly panic. I can’t handle her crying again.
“How did they find out?”
“I don’t know H.! They said that they had a source and I’m assuming evidence!” She raises her voice slightly and I know she’s annoyed and doesn’t want to talk about it. A smile creeps up on my face and I know I shouldn’t be smiling but the tables have turned and it’s amusing. She sounds like me.
“So what is this ‘evidence’ that they have?”
“I didn’t ask. Dr. Leerman left the office for a phone call when I was going to, but then Dr. Baker told me she would line me up for a job and everything is happening too fast.” Her breath becomes shaky and another tear falls again. When I reach my hand to her face to wipe it away her hand covers mine and she leans into it.
“Why is this a bad thing if you get a job out of it?” She pulls my hand away from her face and then just holds it interlocking her fingers with mine.
“The job is in San Francisco and I go to school in LA that’s a five hour difference. I would have to transfer schools for the job and they’re revoking my visa...I have to go home in a week and give Dr. Baker my decision to take or turn down the job before then.”
*Reagan’s POV*
When I lifted my head to look at H. his eyebrows were furrowed and the look on his face was a mixture of shock and anger.
“No. No you can’t! Laurie quit and she’s still here for weeks.” When he spoke, I almost broke down again. He sounds so panicked.
“Harry there’s nothing I can do. I’m getting fired on totally different grounds. Laurie quit, there’s a big difference.” Tears start to fall again and Harry pulls me to him, hugging me around my waist causing me to go from sitting on his lap to straddling him. He rests his head on my chest and I run my fingers through his hair and kiss his scalp.
“If I find out! If I find out who told I’ll fucking kill them! I swear Reagan! I fucking swear!” Harry’s words are muffled as he holds onto me with his left arm and punches his bed with his right. I know he’s angry because I can feel him shaking under my arms. Now it’s gone from him trying to calm me down, to me trying to calm him.
“Harry it will be okay.” I bend slightly to rest my head on top of his while I lie to myself and to him. How can this be fixed?
“No, you have to stay here! Transfer to a school here and turn down the job!”
“Harry, it’s too late to put in bids to transfer to schools out here now. When Laurie did hers it was the last week for late applications. Mine would get turned down for sure.” I seriously would transfer here for him without hesitation and I wish I would have done it when Laurie did hers.
“Apply for another job here. You can work with Louis and Zayn at Louis’ dad’s pub and get another work visa.”
“What would I do for school?”
“I don’t fucking know Reagan! Miss out on a semester!” Harry was still hugging me to him with his head pressed to my chest causing his words to come out muffled. I knew he would be upset, but I wasn’t expecting this.
“I can’t just miss out a semester of school Harry! My parents would kill me.” Harry let me go and began to rub his face with his hands before running them through his hair the way he does when it falls to close to his eyes.
“I’m trying to give solutions here and you keep shutting them all down! You’re no fucking help!” I know he’s upset but so am I, more so I’m sure than he is.
“Harry don’t yell at me! Do you not think that I have gone through every possible angle of this myself?! I don’t need this from you right now!”
“You’re so fucking blind! You either don’t get it or you don’t give a fuck! I’m trying to help and you won’t let me!” We are now in a shouting match much like the one we had in front of the café. Every time one of us raises our voice, the other shouts louder as if what we’re saying will be heard clearer this way. From crying to shouting my voice is going to be shot.
“Explain it to me then Harry?! Please?! What don’t I get about my own damn situation that you understand so much better than I do?!”
“I LOVE YOU Reagan! That’s what you don’t fucking get! Now stop trying to fight me and find a way to help me!... I need you here.” I looked down at Harry in shock and he looked up at me with his eyebrows still furrowed. I sat down on his lap and I’m sure my mouth was wide open. I surely wasn’t expecting that. Not yet at least. He said he needed time and its only been a few days.
“Harry...” My voice came out at a whisper. I was unable to raise it even if i wanted to and tears pooled in my eyes again.
“I love you Reagan. Please, please try to help with this.” Harry rested his forehead on mine and held my chin with his thumb and forefinger before he kissed me gently on my lips.
Before I left the building, I had to go to the bathroom to try and compose myself. Dr. Baker’s words continued to run through my head and I think of everything that is going to be ripped away from me in a week. How do I make a wise choice between what my heart and what my brain tell me to do? The sad part is regardless to what my heart want’s, they are revoking my workers visa. We were so careful. How will I tell him? Tears rake my body again, but I manage to get to the sink and splash my face with cool water. When I look in the mirror, I am worse off than before I got here. I don’t recognize the person looking back at me. She’s helpless, stressed, afraid, worn out, and torn between one future and another. I grab a paper towel from the dispenser and wipe my face one last time before leaving out.
I call for a cab to come pick me up in front of the hospital and just when I think my day can’t get any more wretched, I’m proven wrong yet again. Peyton. His eyes are red rimmed with dark circles around them. He looks exhausted. I try to hide my face so he doesn’t see me but my reflexes right now are too delayed.
“Reagan?” I glance at him before dropping my head, too ashamed to face him, too embarrassed of my appearance at the moment to stand confidently.
“Hi Peyton.” My voice cracked unintentionally. Please not now. Please don’t breakdown now.
“Don’t worry I won’t bother you it’s pretty clear that you don’t want to be around me anymore. I only wish I know what it is that I did wrong.” The shards that are left of my heart crack more as I look at the man that I hurt stand in front of me. Before I can tell him how sorry I am he looks at me closely and rake his tired eyes over my swollen red rimmed ones.
“Are you alright? What’s happened?”
“It’s a long story Peyton, I don’t really feel like talking about it right now. Just something with my case study is all.” Peyton nods in understanding but reaches one hand up to cup my cheek as he speaks.
“Reagan, I know that you don’t feel the same for me as I do for you. That’s clear now, but if you ever need to talk I’m here. I’ll always be here for you Reagan.” I bite my tongue to stop a new tidal wave of tears from falling. How could I have been so horrible to someone who treats me so kindly regardless to what I’ve done to him? He removes his hand from my face and says a small ‘good bye’ to me before he walks away.
When my taxi finally pulls up, I give him Harry’s address instead of my own. I need to see him. Every moment now is all the more precious and I text him with a set of fingers crossed hoping that he’s home.
To: Harry! Pleassssse?!
Where are you? Please say your home H.
From: Harry! Pleassssse?!
I’m not, but I will be in five, ten minutes....Why do you ask?
My eyes begin to glaze over again and I take a shaky breath hoping not to break down in the taxi.
To: Harry! Pleassssse?!
I need to see you. I’m on my way to your house. I’ll be there soon, please hurry back. Are your mom and sister home?
From: Harry! Pleassssse?!
You’re an eager one...Gemma...maybe, mum no.
I arrived at Harry’s house and since his car wasn’t outside, I opted to sit and wait for him on his front porch until he got there. It was a relief when I found out that his mom wasn’t there, however I have to still try and pull myself together if Gemma is. She’s seen me cry too much already.
When Harry pulls up and gets out of his car I stand up not able to move but as soon as he gets to me I wrap my arms around his neck and allow tears to shake my entire body once again.
*Harry’s POV*
When glasses wraps her arms around my neck and begins to sob she catches me completely off guard. Usually when she says she needs me it’s because she wants to have sex and since I’m kind of horny myself I didn’t press the matter, but this I really don’t know how to handle. She’s already tiny but right now she seems smaller. I can feel my mood begin to shift and I go from mellowed to angry in seconds. I hate seeing her like this. Her personality is so bubbly for the most part and crying isn’t like her. I mean, okay, granted I’ve made her cry once or twice, but it was never like this. I wrap my arms around her back and tell her to jump, when she does I carry her into the house and in my room closing the door behind me while I rub her back hoping that it sooths her.
“Shh shh Reagan.” I tried to put her down on my bed but when I moved to let her go she tightened her grip on me. She’s pretty strong for a smaller person. I clearly wasn’t going to be able to go anywhere so I sat down against the headboard of my bed with her on my lap and continued to rub her back until she mildly calmed herself down. When her breathing gets back to a somewhat normal pace I turn my head to try to get her to un-nuzzle her face out of my neck. When she finally lets me see her face, it’s puffy and her eyes are red rimmed and swollen from crying. Her piercing hazel eyes meet my green ones and even when she’s distraught she’s still beautiful.
“Hey.” I really don’t know what else to say. I’ve only ever consoled Gemma or my mom when they cried, but that’s different than this. I always knew that they cried over me and my fucked up situation and since I was the reason for the tears I knew how to stop them. When Reagan cries so hard that it shakes her frame, I feel lost and I swear to myself I’ll fuck up whoever upset her.
“Hi.” Her voice is horse from the tears and I feel anger rise again.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?” I try to steady my tone as to not take my anger out on her but I’m pissed. No one should be upsetting her but me. Reagan puts her head back on my shoulder that’s now soaked from her crying and nuzzles my neck again before she answers me.
“I got fired. They pulled me off your case.” What the fuck?!
“Why?! What happened?!”
“Can we talk about it later H.?” I can feel her toying with my necklace and then, oh god!
“Reagan...Reagan stop.” Her lips place feather kisses along my neck and she manages to find the one damn spot that drives me insane. When she nibbles and licks over the skin right above my collar bone on my neck, I try to keep my eyes from rolling to the back of my head, but my body jerks unwillingly at the contact. Now that she knows that’s my weakness she uses it against me as she continues her assault there. I need to fuck her! Focus! I mean I need to focus! And as appealing as it would be to have her legs spread eagle while I pound her into the mattress it wouldn’t be right. She has to tell me why less than five minutes ago she was bawling as if the world was going to end.
“Reagan, stop now or I won’t be able to.”
“I don’t want you to. I need you. To be close to you as possible. Fuck me please Harry?” Her voice goes husky and it’s still raspy from her crying. It’s so sexy. Shit! Why is she making this so damn difficult?
“No Reagan, we need to talk now. Why did you get fired off your internship?” Reagan huffs and pulls back off of my neck and she did it in the nick of time because if she would have kept going even a second more I would have contradicted myself. I mentally pat myself on the back for having self-control and look at Reagan while she sits on my lap.
“Dr. Baker found out about us. Dr. Leerman was there when I got to her office and I fucked everything up. All the work that I did to get here, and the work I did on you, my scholarship it’s all gone.” When she drops her head I see a tear fall again and I begin to slightly panic. I can’t handle her crying again.
“How did they find out?”
“I don’t know H.! They said that they had a source and I’m assuming evidence!” She raises her voice slightly and I know she’s annoyed and doesn’t want to talk about it. A smile creeps up on my face and I know I shouldn’t be smiling but the tables have turned and it’s amusing. She sounds like me.
“So what is this ‘evidence’ that they have?”
“I didn’t ask. Dr. Leerman left the office for a phone call when I was going to, but then Dr. Baker told me she would line me up for a job and everything is happening too fast.” Her breath becomes shaky and another tear falls again. When I reach my hand to her face to wipe it away her hand covers mine and she leans into it.
“Why is this a bad thing if you get a job out of it?” She pulls my hand away from her face and then just holds it interlocking her fingers with mine.
“The job is in San Francisco and I go to school in LA that’s a five hour difference. I would have to transfer schools for the job and they’re revoking my visa...I have to go home in a week and give Dr. Baker my decision to take or turn down the job before then.”
*Reagan’s POV*
When I lifted my head to look at H. his eyebrows were furrowed and the look on his face was a mixture of shock and anger.
“No. No you can’t! Laurie quit and she’s still here for weeks.” When he spoke, I almost broke down again. He sounds so panicked.
“Harry there’s nothing I can do. I’m getting fired on totally different grounds. Laurie quit, there’s a big difference.” Tears start to fall again and Harry pulls me to him, hugging me around my waist causing me to go from sitting on his lap to straddling him. He rests his head on my chest and I run my fingers through his hair and kiss his scalp.
“If I find out! If I find out who told I’ll fucking kill them! I swear Reagan! I fucking swear!” Harry’s words are muffled as he holds onto me with his left arm and punches his bed with his right. I know he’s angry because I can feel him shaking under my arms. Now it’s gone from him trying to calm me down, to me trying to calm him.
“Harry it will be okay.” I bend slightly to rest my head on top of his while I lie to myself and to him. How can this be fixed?
“No, you have to stay here! Transfer to a school here and turn down the job!”
“Harry, it’s too late to put in bids to transfer to schools out here now. When Laurie did hers it was the last week for late applications. Mine would get turned down for sure.” I seriously would transfer here for him without hesitation and I wish I would have done it when Laurie did hers.
“Apply for another job here. You can work with Louis and Zayn at Louis’ dad’s pub and get another work visa.”
“What would I do for school?”
“I don’t fucking know Reagan! Miss out on a semester!” Harry was still hugging me to him with his head pressed to my chest causing his words to come out muffled. I knew he would be upset, but I wasn’t expecting this.
“I can’t just miss out a semester of school Harry! My parents would kill me.” Harry let me go and began to rub his face with his hands before running them through his hair the way he does when it falls to close to his eyes.
“I’m trying to give solutions here and you keep shutting them all down! You’re no fucking help!” I know he’s upset but so am I, more so I’m sure than he is.
“Harry don’t yell at me! Do you not think that I have gone through every possible angle of this myself?! I don’t need this from you right now!”
“You’re so fucking blind! You either don’t get it or you don’t give a fuck! I’m trying to help and you won’t let me!” We are now in a shouting match much like the one we had in front of the café. Every time one of us raises our voice, the other shouts louder as if what we’re saying will be heard clearer this way. From crying to shouting my voice is going to be shot.
“Explain it to me then Harry?! Please?! What don’t I get about my own damn situation that you understand so much better than I do?!”
“I LOVE YOU Reagan! That’s what you don’t fucking get! Now stop trying to fight me and find a way to help me!... I need you here.” I looked down at Harry in shock and he looked up at me with his eyebrows still furrowed. I sat down on his lap and I’m sure my mouth was wide open. I surely wasn’t expecting that. Not yet at least. He said he needed time and its only been a few days.
“Harry...” My voice came out at a whisper. I was unable to raise it even if i wanted to and tears pooled in my eyes again.
“I love you Reagan. Please, please try to help with this.” Harry rested his forehead on mine and held my chin with his thumb and forefinger before he kissed me gently on my lips.
I have read this story loads of times just wish you had finished it it is absolutely amazing. So so good
8/18/18