I was scrolling through twitter when I got a text from Harry ‘you still up?’
He had made it a habit of his over the past few weeks to text me late at night and we’d have conversations like the one in the changing rooms, it would all start by asking how my day went and then we’d end up on something completely different and personal. Whenever I spoke to him it felt like 5 minutes, when in reality it was 3 hours. Thinking it was only 1:30am I looked up at my wardrobe door to see the sun glowing through my blinds on to the hard wood and saw that it was actually 4:45am, my sleeping pattern was ruined but I couldn’t go to sleep without speaking to Harry knowing if he was okay or not.
Ever since his touch left my bottom lip, I felt different; even though it was 3 weeks ago I couldn’t shake the feeling. It was almost the same feeling that Spencer gave me, it bothered me, I love Spencer and I couldn’t imagine what he would do to Harry if he found out.

***

“I’ll pick you up from work at six okay, Wren?” Spencer spoke in a cold voice, I nodded giving him approval, I couldn’t turn him down because he’d think something was wrong. I was always afraid of what he would do if I rejected him, he always had this fear of me leaving him but he didn’t help himself. I stepped out of the car when I was pulled back by Spencer’s aggressive strength. “Do I not get a kiss?” I hadn’t even contemplated the action; before I knew it he had tugged me closer towards him, forcing his lips against my own, releasing my arm to hold my cheek.
I pulled away and quickly added “See you at six.” and closed the car door closed before quickly jogging towards the reception where Dennis stared at me until I turned the corner, a smirk forming on his face. I was running a bit late, Spencer was informing me about the events that happened the night before, trying to impress me. I was getting weirded out by his actions recently, acting different than normal, trying to impress me, always wanting to see me and constantly texting me. I loved him but I couldn’t understand why he was trying to get my attention more lately, he already had it but it was like he doubted himself, maybe he realised what he was doing was pushing me away.
“You’re so late today, is everything alright?” Harry jolted up to me with a frightened look on his face as I entered the staff room.
“I’m fine, Spencer was acting weird again this morning” Harry rolled his eyes. I hadn’t yet told him what Spencer was doing to me, what he had been doing to me ever since we started seeing each other; he wouldn’t like it and would do something about it. I don’t want Spencer hurting anyone, especially Harry.
Harry opened the door for me as I put my bag and jacket down, questioning what I meant but even I didn’t know, I couldn’t explain why he was acting strange, he wouldn’t understand our complicated relationship, let alone the actions involved. “Well?”
I couldn’t think of any excuse that wouldn’t lead back to what I really meant. “He’s just been trying to get my attention lately.” Harry looked confused as to why I thought that was weird. He pointed his hand out the door, indicating me to go and start my shift.

***

I was watching the indoor pool, leaning against the metal bar next to it when the walkie talkie went off and Harry asked me to come and see him, Jake looked over at me mouthing the words ‘what’, I shrugged and waited for Lauren to come and cover for me.
I walked nervously to the staff room where Harry stayed while everyone worked, he was around Dennis at the front desk and in the staff room more than the pool; my mind was completely blank of what he could have wanted. I knocked on the door of the back room to hear his raspy voice say “Come in.” I pulled the handle down and walked in “Don’t look so nervous.” he joked as I went to sit down opposite him at the desk.
“What are you doing?” I asked shyly
“Organising the pool activities for the rest of the week.”
I parted my lips slightly, my mouth making an ‘o’ shape as he tided the planners to the side. “There’s a boy outside waiting for you in a blue car” he said as my eyes widened. Why was Spencer here? He was supposed to pick me up at six, not five.
“What does he want?” Harry asked with a concerned look on his face. Harry didn’t know what Spencer looked like until now, I didn’t really talk about our relationship with anyone apart from Naomi.
“I don’t know, it’s Spencer he was going to pick me up at six.” He looked shocked when I told him who it was, he probably wasn’t expecting him to look so intimidating, he always said I looked so innocent and small, which irritated me, it made me feel like a child even though I was eighteen.
“That’s your boyfriend?!” he chuckled, making me embarrassed to admit it I looked down, my cheeked tinted pink “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be with someone so like...” I waited for him to finish his sentence while I looked at him with an aggravated expression “Sorry.” he said repositioning himself in his seat, I let out a deep sigh and walked out to go find out what Spencer was here for.
Harry had really pissed me off and I don’t even know why, he knew how to push all my buttons and knew I didn’t like talking about mine and Spencer’s relationship, I didn’t want him out of all people to judge me, he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t tell him anything about us but he didn’t know us.
I stormed over to Spencer’s car. “Why are you here?!” I spat, he was shocked at my attitude and clenched his fists.
“Don’t yell at me.” a vein formed on the side of his neck, I was frightened, I had never shouted at Spencer before and all I could think was how he was going to hurt me for it, I flinched as he got up out of his seat and slammed the car door closed, I backed away as he got closer.
“No, not here, please Spencer, I’m begging you!” I cried, quickening my pace backwards as his pupils dilated and arms tensed, he gripped my arm tightly and raised his fist. I squeezed my eyes shut expecting an excruciating blow to the face when I heard a familiar voice. I shot my eyes open and looked over my shoulder; Dennis was standing at the entrance.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” he growled.
Spencer released his tight grip from my arm and shouted at Dennis “Who the fuck are you?!” Dennis started to march towards us and Spencer took a few steps back in fear, his pupils going back to their normal size. I wasn’t too keen on Dennis but I’d rather be with him than have Spencer bruise me once again. Dennis tugged me behind him, making sure to be gentle as he could see I was shaken up, I peered in front of his built figure when I saw Spencer beginning to calm down.
“I think it’s better if you leave mate.” he threatened. Spencer walked back to his side of the car and got in, he rolled down the windows.
“Don’t think this is over Wren, just wait until later” His words had me shaken, I knew what Spencer was capable of, he wasn’t afraid to hurt me in public and sure wouldn’t hold back when we were alone. An unexpected tear fell from my hazel eyes; I had never been this frightened of Spencer in the whole 2 years we had been together. Dennis put his arm around me and took me to the staff room.
“Who was that?” Dennis looked really concerned, but I couldn’t blame him knowing what he just witnessed. I had to explain everything; Spencer was someone I wasn’t used to talking about. He went to get me a tissue to dab my eyes with, my head fell in my hands as I sobbed. Dennis lifted my face with his hand and wiped away my tears with the tissue “It’s alright.” But it wasn’t. I started to explain everything; He looked more and more compassionate with each word.
“I couldn’t leave him, even if I wanted to...” I sobbed, finishing explaining our relationship. “I couldn’t bear to think what he would do to me if I didn’t want to be with him anymore.” My eyes shot up as I saw Jake push the door open.
“What’s wrong?!” he spoke, his eyebrows dropping slightly. I wiped away my tears once again and looked at Dennis “I was just in the cleaning closet and I saw you crying through the glass.” He added.
“I’ll leave you, if you ever need anything Wren, you know where I am.” Dennis smiled as he left the room. I was completely taken back by how understanding he was and how when we first met he was so unapproachable, I saw him in a completely different light, like an older brother, it made me wish I hadn’t judged him so quick.
Jake walked over to me and put his scrawny arms around me, I moved mine around his torso. I felt his voice vibrate on my shoulder “I’ve never seen you like this, you’re always so bubbly.” I laughed as he let go of me. He was one of those people who could cheer you up no matter what they said. “See, that’s the Wren I know” he said as he winked at me. He got up and walked over to the kettle and made me a cup of tea, Jake always thought tea made things better.

***

It had been a few hours since I got back from work, Spencer never picked me up but he had called me to come to his; if I didn’t then he would come to mine, either way I couldn’t get away from him. I was never sure why I stayed by his side, people would always look but they would never ask. The only reason I had was that I loved him and I convinced myself that was enough.
I knew he was guarded, suffering from the same pain he inflicted upon me. His dad never loved him; the regular abuse affected him both physically and mentally. Bruises shadowed his sculpted face, mirroring my own. He never realised that he was inflicting the same damage upon my frame; he would be in a different state of mind every time he was angry. Spencer gave me the same venom he was used to receiving; sometimes I could swear that I saw a hint of regret in his deep blue eyes every time we fought, a sign that he felt guilty for the bruises and cuts dotting over my skin. That perhaps he saw the monster reflecting in my eyes.
It never stopped him.
It was like he was trying to poison me, like he was trying to make me think that the violent behaviour he inflicted upon me was okay.
“That curly haired shit was talking to the cunt at the front desk about you.” He shouted. “You’re mine and that’s that, he was talking about you like you were his fucking girlfriend.” I flinched when it came to my realisation of what was coming next, it’s as if his fist had a mind of its own, sending a blow to my face, my body. I watched him with curious eyes, seeing him curved over glancing at his fist.
Truth was, he needed me, I was his drug and he was mine. At all times he wanted to know where I was, I was at his disposition. If I was late, he was infuriated, yelling in my face, claiming that I was wrong, that I was the one to blame.
The pathetic thing was that I believed him.
Ever since being with Spencer I became more guarded, if someone was offering me a suggestion I would take it to heart, interpreting it as an attack against me.
I would look at myself in the mirror and realise that I’m a ghost of my previous self. My trembling fingers glided across the skin, tracing the countless bruises that I’ve attained from the fights. I’d stare at myself, my eyes dull, and my hair in messy state around my face. He was the only one who would take me; this was another of the insurmountable reasons for why I never left.
A warm set of hands calmly covered my own skin, a contrast from my frozen skin. He was fire and I was ice.
“It’s not my fault he was talking about me!” I cried as I put my hand up to hold my cheek, I felt warm blood on my hand; I looked down as tears began to uncontrollably fall from my eyes.
“You belong to me, Wren and I’m going to prove it, no one else can have you the way I can.” He shouted as he moved closer to me.
We seemed to always conflict, but there was always times when we worked in harmony, his lips kissed along my collarbone, leaving warm marks of utter adoration, everything else momentarily forgotten.
He moaned on my lips, picking me up abruptly. He grabbed me by my thighs and laid me down on his bed. He crawled closer to me slowly kissing up my small smooth legs to my core before wrapping them around his waist, his lips parting with each touch. I started to breath heavily, needing him; he smiled, knowing his effect. He pulled my skinny jeans down teasingly slow followed by my underwear, licking his lips.
I let out a slight sigh when I felt relief, his lips gently touching my entrance. Instinctively, my hands wrapped themselves in his hair, as I the pleasure emit across my body, that’s what he did, he made me feel alive, his heat made me feel less cold.
Spencer always treated me so affectionately during sex; he wasn’t necessarily making love to me, but it was much more than just sex. Rather than having a taut jaw like when we would abusively argue, his face was strained and passionate, his lips parted and his eyes were a light turquoise compared to the almost black navy ones I was used too.
His large fingers stroked my breasts; he held my back as he took in his soft lips, smoothing his tongue across my nipple, tugging gently while rubbing my clit in lazy circles.
I waited and watched him take off his clothes; standing in all his glory, desire boiled up inside me. He chuckled, noticing the movement between my legs. The deep, masculine sound made my heart flutter.
"Be patient, Wren." his lips moved slowly.
He rubbed himself before making his way over to me. He buried his lips into my neck as he gradually entered me. The stretch felt amazing, his length always felt so good.
"Oh shit." I whimpered as he held on to my hips, thrusting slowly, picking up pace when the lust overtook him, his eyes started to turn black and his grip began to constrict, I knew it would bruise.
Intertwining his hand with mine was a silent apology, staring into my eyes as he grinded into me relentlessly, my fingernails sliding down his back in response.
He hit my most sensitive spot every time, he knew my body and knew how to send me over the top. My mouth opened into an ‘o’ as I was about to moan but he lent down, his mouth meeting mine, breathing upon my parted lips. We both climaxed together feeling the contentment overtake our bodies.
We laid there and acted as if everything was absolutely perfect, he started trace my cuts and bruises, and he kissed them gently.
‘“I’m sorry." he apologized, his voice cracking. I looked up to him as a bead of sweat fell from his forehead, his chest was rising and falling in rhythm with mine, “I love you, Wren.” My heart sank whenever I heard him say those words; it was always rare for them to fall past his lips. I was never sure if he did actually love me or if it was because I had stayed by his side for so long. I rolled my head to the right as a tear fell from my eyes; I quickly wiped it away as I got up to go into the bathroom, grabbing one of his t-shirts on the way out.
Realisation got the better of me. Tears falling from my eyes frantically as my back slid down the bathroom door. Spencer was hurting me and he didn’t care as long as I stayed by his side, I was ruined both emotionally and physically, I didn’t know how much longer my body or mind could take the exploitation.
I cleaned myself up and took off my top, replacing it with Spencer’s. I walked back into the bedroom fiddling with my thumbs. Spencer was already in bed, he pulled the duvet over for me to get in, as I walked over to the other side of the bed I grabbed my phone from my skinny jeans that were screwed up on the floor and got in, within 5 minutes Spencer was asleep.
I unlocked my phone and texted Harry ‘can you come pick me up in the morning please’ I didn’t have my car and I was an hour away from work and forty five minutes away from my house, I was hoping to leave before Spencer woke up ‘where are you, are you okay?’ I couldn’t help but smile at how considerate Harry was; he always knew when something was wrong. ‘78 abbey walk, I will talk to you in the morning’ I waited for the read recipient notification to come up and tried to go to sleep.

***

I was immediately woken up by the sound of my phone vibrating on Spencer’s bed side table ‘I’m outside’. I looked at the time, it was 6:45 in the morning, Spencer was still asleep. I subtly got out of bed, grabbed my clothes from the floor and quickly tip toed out of the room. I was in the hall, trying to get my jeans over my legs while still walking when I heard the car door outside close, I ran as quickly as I could to the door, careful not trip over, hoping that Harry wouldn’t knock and wake up Spencer, I pulled up my jeans and opened the door, Harry was standing there with his hand in the air about to knock. “Wh-” I cut him off as I covered his mouth with my hand and closed the door behind me and removed my hand from his parted lips. “Whose house is this?!” he questioned as I dragged him towards his car.
“Spencer’s.” I mumbled as I looked in the car window, seeing a dark purple bruised cut on my cheek, I pulled my hair to the side, trying to cover it as much as possible. I jumped when he unlocked the doors.
“Are you okay Wren? You seem really tense.”
“I’m fine.” I opened the door got in, quickly buckled my seatbelt and faced the window; Harry hadn’t even opened his door yet.
“Alright then.” he extended his words as he walked round to his side and opened the door; he sat down and put on his seatbelt and then looked at me for a second. “Wren, what is wrong?” he raised his voice slightly.
“Nothing, can we please just go.” I snapped at him, his eyes widened and he slowly put the key in the ignition.
“I know you’re not okay Wren, you don’t just text me at 2 in the morning to come pick you up about an hour away from your house, why couldn’t Spencer drop you off?” I didn’t reply. “Wren, talk to me!” I knew he was getting angry, I started to bite the tips of my fingers as my arm rested on the door, my legs were shaking up and down. He put his hand on my leg to stop it.
“Harry, if you’re not going to move the car then I’ll walk!” I turned my head as I shouted. He stared at me for a few seconds his lips parting when I realised my hair had fell from where it was covering the traces of last night. I took my fingers from my mouth about to open the door when he locked it. “Harry, let me out!” I screamed, violently pulling at the handle, he stayed quiet. “Harry, open the door!” I let go of the handle as my head fell into my hands, tears falling from my already stinging eyes.
“Did he do this to you?” He lowered his voice, almost whispering.
“No, of course he didn’t! Harry I just want to go home, please.” I begged. Harry moved the car and started to drive me to my house, the journey was quiet, he kept trying to make conversation but I wasn’t listening. The ride was only 10 minutes but it felt like forever. I looked over at Harry as he pulled over “I’m sorry Harry.” He looked into my eyes and frowned.
“You know you can tell me anything, and I hate how you don’t.” he looked more upset every minute.
“Thanks for coming to get me.” I said as I opened the door, careful not to start crying again, I closed the door shut and walked up to my front door, fumbling for my keys in my pocket. I could feel harry looking at me from his car, but I refused to look back. I finally found the keys and opened the door, when I closed it I could hear my mum in the kitchen.
“Wren, is that you?” she called “Where have you been?” I walked into the room to find her; she was eating breakfast ready to go to work.
“I was at Spencer’s, I had no way of getting home and it was late, sorry.” I said as I sat down opposite her.
“Its fine, I was just worried, do you want some breakfast?” she said as she got up and put her plates into the dishwasher, I nodded as she pulled out a clean plate and poured me out some cereal. “What’s that horrible mark on your face?” her eyes widened rushing over to me, I winced as she touched the tender cut on my cheekbone.
“I tripped over and hit the side of my face on the table.” I lied, and it was a terrible one, she frowned and went to get a wipe from the medical cabinet.
“I’ve got to go so eat your breakfast and get ready for work; I won’t be home until late so you’ll need to make your own dinner” she rushed; I smiled and said bye as she walked out the door.

***

Today was probably the first morning where Dennis had actually smiled at me on the way into work, it was a nice change. Jake was the only one in the staff room. “Want a cup of tea?” I laughed at his offer and nodded. Harry walked out of his office and grinned at me, showing his innocent dimples. I sat down and watched him and Jake converse; they were always exchanging odd looks around the pool. “Here you go, love.” Jake handed me the tea he had made, I could see Harry looking at the sensitive bruise on my face in the corner of my eye when Jake paused in front of me “I don’t mean to be rude, but what happened to your face?” I laughed at him and said I fell over; Harry was less than convinced and scoffed at my statement, but Jake was the type of person who knew when you didn’t want to talk about something.
I drank my tea and Jake walked with me to the cleaning closet. “Harry doesn’t seem his usual self with you, something happen?” he asked as if he didn’t already know, I assumed Harry had told him before I arrived.
“Nope, not of what I can recall anyway.” I mumbled as he passed me the cleaning supplies and closed the closet.
“Hmm, might want to talk to him then, see you at lunch.” I smiled as he walked off to the pool, his words had me confused, why would I need to talk to him, and why did he think that Harry was off with me?, I tried to forget about it all until lunch and started to clean the changing rooms.
I was cleaning out the top lockers when I heard my walkie talkie go off, it was Harry talking to Jake asking where I was. Harry had stormed into the changing rooms as soon as he told him. “You lied to me!” He shouted as he walked over to me, I stopped what I was doing and looked at him.
“What are you talking about?”
“Spencer.”
I laughed and shaked my head, I reached for the wash cloth I placed in the top locker and carried on wiping it down. “There are even bruises on your hips!” he added, I looked down and noticed that my yellow lifeguard t-shirt was riding up my skin when I lifted my arms. “I know he did it to you, Dennis told me.” I jumped as he smacked his hand on the locker to get my attention.
“So what if he did, my relationship has nothing to do with you Harry!” I screamed back, he looked shocked knowing what Dennis said was true. “This is why I never spoke about it with you, I knew you’d react like this, you don’t understand.”
“That is not a relationship Wren, that’s harassment!” I gritted my teeth at his words and moved onto the other side of the changing rooms. “You can’t just walk away from me Wren; I knew something was wrong when I came to pick you up this morning, why didn’t you tell me.”
“Because you would act like this, you would judge me and you don’t understand us.” I shouted as I turned away from him.
Harry was angry, his fists were clenched and you could see the veins in his neck “Do you love him?” he spoke calmer than I thought he would but his raspy tone alarmed me, his question had me drowning in a pool of doubt, after what happened yesterday and last night, I wasn’t even sure myself. I heard loud footsteps as he walked over to me, stepping on the wet floor; he grabbed my shoulder and twisted me around “Well, do you?” he asked again, a little more impatient. He was hunched over me, our height difference frightened me, it was more than intimidating. I looked up at him, and cried as I felt my heart being wrenched from my body.
“No... n-not anymore.” I stuttered, Harry pulled me in. He could tell I was hurting both physically and mentally “Harry, I can’t leave him, please just stay out of it.” I cried. I could feel his black t-shirt absorbing my tears.
“You don’t deserve this, Wren.” I felt the rage in his voice. “If you won’t do something about it then I will” his words startled me as he lifted my chin and wiped away my tears.