Beauty and The Geek
Chapter Six - Avery's POV
Warning(s)?: Mentions of suicide, character death, and some self harm. And swearing from a couple of people...
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"It g-going to be o-okay, Avery. Y-You can make i-it t-through this. You're s-stronger then y-you think you a-are." He kisses my forehead which makes me cry even more.
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Chapter Six
. Camera On .
YouTube Channel - AvesBrownEyes
Subscribe to my channel!
Subscribed: 7,989,992
Tumblr: AvesBrownEyes
FaceBook: Avery Small / AvesBrownEyes
Twitter: RealAverySmall (https://twitter.com/RealAverySmall)
Twitter: Hey guys! Greg and Ryan here, sorry to say, Avery won't tweet for a while. Click HERE for the full explanation.
Greg and Ryan pop up on screen. Their eyes are lightly swollen and pale pink, "Hey guys. So I know that you where expecting Avery, seeing as this is her channel. But Avery won't be able to update for a while." Ryan explains.
"Somethings come up and she's under lots of ... pressure and she won't be able to make videos for a while." Greg finishes.
"Bye for now."
. Camera Off .
Three Weeks Later
I can't. I just can't. This is all my fault. I did this. Hannah...
My Twitter feed has been bombed by my fans asking what's wrong. I don't know how many new messages are in my Tumblr ask box because it only says 100+. My FaceBook news feed... I can't even log on it's that full.
Greg and Ryan updated my YouTube channel for me, telling everyone that I can't do anything because I'm busy.
Busy.
Busy dying on the inside. I can't believe that Hannah's gone. I never got to tell her that I was sorry. She's gone forever and she's not coming back.
I haven't gone to school in a three weeks. Louis and Niall both called me up and asked if I was okay. I can't even speak. Now I know how Ashlee feels. Losing someone so close to you. Louis was around yesterday but they can't even get me out of my room. Marcel has come to see me every day.
I won't open the door for him. He just sits outside my room and asks me to open the door. I can't though. I just can't.
I've spent most of my time in bed. I just lay there. I can't sleep. All I see is Hannah. This is all my fault, I shouldn't have treated her like that. I shouldn't have let Greg and Ryan talk to her like that. I should have been a better sister. She was nice to me. She truly cared about me and I couldn't have given less of a fuck about her.
And she went and killed herself.
I'll never see her again.
My world has been turned upside down ever since she left. Mom has been crying. Dad has been crying. Ryan and Greg have been beating themselves up for being so hard on her. We all know that I have different ways of dealing with my problems.
I open my hazy eyes and reach for my glasses. I haven't been wearing them since I've just been lying around. My vision is clear and I stumble into my bathroom. Hidden in a box behind my toilet, is a box that holds all my fears and secrets.
My fears being someone finding it. My secrets being the razor's that I keep in there. My compartmentalization skills have gone. I have nothing left. Pulling it out, I yank up my sleeve and look at my mutilated skin.
I've done this so many times that they isn't any skin that hasn't been touched with a blade. My world is over.
Taking a deep breath, I bring the silver down onto my wrist. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. To many times. When the blade my smothered in blood, I wrap my arm up with white gauze and crawl back into bed.
More hot tears burst down my face and I hear someone come to the door, "A-Avery? C-Can I c-come in."
No, Marcel. No you can't. I don't say anything.
"A-Avery please. I k-know this is h-h-hard for you but w-we can talk a-about this." He still stutters around me. I hear him sigh and then sit outside my door. Standing up, I look over to my mirror. My hair is in a messy top-knot, grey fat pants, woolen socks an. My eyes are puffy from crying and a Doctor Who hoodie. My eyes are puffy and the tears have tracked trails into my cheeks.
I shuffle over to the door and open it a crack. Marcel looks up from the ground. His hair is still pushed back but he's in slacks with a white and black checkered shirt, "A-Avery!" He exclaims. Standing up quickly, he pushes the door open.
Embracing me in a hug, Marcel's head rests in my neck. I release him from a hug and close the door behind me.
"I-I've been so w-worried about y-you."
I shake my head, "I missed you Marcel. I'm so sorry." My voice cracks, more salty tears trickle down my cheeks. Marcel lightly kisses my cheek and then wipes away a tear. He's so perfect.
"Don't Marcel."
"D-Don't what?"
"I'm broken. You deserve someone better."
"I c-can fix y-you." He lightly intertwines his fingers with mine and I wince.
His eyes widen and he picks up my right arm, placing pressure on it, "Please don't." He closes his eyes, a tear falling down.
"Let me h-help you."
"Someone once told me, that if you are going to to try to fix a broken person. Be careful for you may cut yourself on the shattered pieces."
"You're w-worth it."
I lightly kiss his cheek and he pushes a lock of my messy bun behind my hair. I go to capture his lips against mine but he dodges them, "D-Do you remember w-what I asked y-you a c-couple of w-w-weeks ago?"
I shake my head.
"I asked i-if you k-knew about t-the Butterfly P-Project. And y-you said t-that you d-didn't."
I nod and he walks over to my laptop. "What's your password?"
"marcelandaveryforever. No capitals or spaces." He logs on and starts to go on Tumblr. "Come here, Avery." I walk over to him. The page has people posting their stories and the rules. They seem fair. I smile and offer Marcel my arm.
"W-What are you d-doing?"
"Rule six. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them."
"I w-would have thought y-y-you would name one after H-Hannah."
"I will. I want you to draw one on me." Marcel nods and picks up a bright pink marker. The pen tickles my arm as I watch him drawing the butterfly. He writes his name under it and a love-heart.
"Thanks Mars." I pick up a pen myself, indigo, and draw a butterfly with Hannah's name.
"Everyone m-misses y-you at school."
"Ed and Harry don't." I say. They hate me for having sex with their brother. Then again, I'd hate me too. Which reminds me, "Marcel?"
"Y-Yes?"
"Do you know if it's true that Hannah and Ed where hooking up?"
"W-What? I c-can ask E-Ed if you want m-me too, I-I can a-ask?"
"Thanks Mars." I wrap my arms around his neck and his pulls me towards his bed. He holds me close as more tears burn there way down my make-up free cheeks. The salty rivers fall onto Marcel's top, my face buried into his toned chest.
"It g-going to be o-okay, Avery. Y-You can make i-it t-through this. You're s-stronger then y-you think you a-are." He kisses my forehead which makes me cry even more.
Marcel has always only ever been amazing to me and I'm just a stupid bitch that caused her sister's suicide.
I'm worthless.
The Next Day
When I get up, Marcel's arms are still wrapped around me and my head is still snuggled into his neck. His eyes are open and he's smiling.
"A-Are you c-c-coming to school t-today?"
"Do you want me too?"
"I-I'd like that. I've m-m-missed you."
"I missed you too."
Swinging my legs from the bed, I walk over to my walk-in-wardrobe and start looking through my clothing. I grab some ripped skinny jeans and start looking around for a shirt. Marcel follows me and looks at me.
"I'm looking for a shirt."
He takes off his and hands it to me. I look at him and pull it on. It's still warm from his skin and it smells like tears and paper.
I smile at him and he laughs, "Thanks Mars."
"I'll m-meet you in h-home room, o-okay?"
"Sure," He pulls me into a hug, placing a kiss on my lips he say, "I l-love you."
"I love you too. Now get out of here before Greg or Ryan see you!" I push him from my room, we kiss as he leaves and I'm missing him.
He makes me feel whole. I haven't felt like this since Hannah's death. She was there for me and Marcel's trying to fill the gap.
[Flashback. Avery's POV. Age: 13]
Hannah hands me a cup of tea and smiles. She's the best sister that anyone could ever have. She's nice, kind and pretty. I wish that I was her.
Hannah's funny and everyone likes her. Not like me. No one likes me. Apart from Hannah, she's my best friend.
"Aves?" She says.
"Yeah Hans?"
"Do you want to watch some CSI?"
"Yeah." We walk over to the couch and curl up my the fire as the tv starts rolling the familar theme song.
[Flashback Over]
"Miss. Avery Small? Are you even listening?" It's third period and all I can think about is Hannah. Marcel's sitting next to me. He's been with me all day. Louis and Niall have been giving me killer looks all day.
"No, sorry Miss." I whisper. She sighs. Everyone's been avoiding me since Hannah's death. I think that they can tell that it's really fucked me up.
She's about to start yelling at me, when RIIING!
I've got PE next. Great. I love PE. (Note: No sarcasm. I'm top of the Track Team). "See ya Mars. I've got PE."
"I-I've got S-Spanish."
"Have fun, love."
I walk off. When I get down there and am ready, I look around. Everyone's avoiding me. Like suicide is infectious and they want to stay clean.
I shake it off. There's two new people though. Two boys. One has sexy pushed back black hair and has tanned skin. The other has ruffly brown hair and sparkling eyes.
Mrs. Claw blows her whistle and tells us all to get into groups of three. Preps, jocks, pops and me. Everyone has a group. The two guys walk over to me and say, "I guess that we're in a group. Hey I'm Liam." Says the one with the brown hair.
"I'm Zayn." The other says.
"Avery." I mutter.
"Avery... Pretty name." Zayn says and winks at me. I frown and say, "I have a boyfriend."
"Course you do. You're Avery Small. You're famous and super pretty."
"Mhmm," I don't want to know. It's all my fault that Hannah's dead, "I - I - I gotta go." I race from the gym and lock myself into a bathroom. Tears have already started pouring down my skin and I hiccup.
Hannah....
.
"It g-going to be o-okay, Avery. Y-You can make i-it t-through this. You're s-stronger then y-you think you a-are." He kisses my forehead which makes me cry even more.
.
Chapter Six
. Camera On .
YouTube Channel - AvesBrownEyes
Subscribe to my channel!
Subscribed: 7,989,992
Tumblr: AvesBrownEyes
FaceBook: Avery Small / AvesBrownEyes
Twitter: RealAverySmall (https://twitter.com/RealAverySmall)
Twitter: Hey guys! Greg and Ryan here, sorry to say, Avery won't tweet for a while. Click HERE for the full explanation.
Greg and Ryan pop up on screen. Their eyes are lightly swollen and pale pink, "Hey guys. So I know that you where expecting Avery, seeing as this is her channel. But Avery won't be able to update for a while." Ryan explains.
"Somethings come up and she's under lots of ... pressure and she won't be able to make videos for a while." Greg finishes.
"Bye for now."
. Camera Off .
Three Weeks Later
I can't. I just can't. This is all my fault. I did this. Hannah...
My Twitter feed has been bombed by my fans asking what's wrong. I don't know how many new messages are in my Tumblr ask box because it only says 100+. My FaceBook news feed... I can't even log on it's that full.
Greg and Ryan updated my YouTube channel for me, telling everyone that I can't do anything because I'm busy.
Busy.
Busy dying on the inside. I can't believe that Hannah's gone. I never got to tell her that I was sorry. She's gone forever and she's not coming back.
I haven't gone to school in a three weeks. Louis and Niall both called me up and asked if I was okay. I can't even speak. Now I know how Ashlee feels. Losing someone so close to you. Louis was around yesterday but they can't even get me out of my room. Marcel has come to see me every day.
I won't open the door for him. He just sits outside my room and asks me to open the door. I can't though. I just can't.
I've spent most of my time in bed. I just lay there. I can't sleep. All I see is Hannah. This is all my fault, I shouldn't have treated her like that. I shouldn't have let Greg and Ryan talk to her like that. I should have been a better sister. She was nice to me. She truly cared about me and I couldn't have given less of a fuck about her.
And she went and killed herself.
I'll never see her again.
My world has been turned upside down ever since she left. Mom has been crying. Dad has been crying. Ryan and Greg have been beating themselves up for being so hard on her. We all know that I have different ways of dealing with my problems.
I open my hazy eyes and reach for my glasses. I haven't been wearing them since I've just been lying around. My vision is clear and I stumble into my bathroom. Hidden in a box behind my toilet, is a box that holds all my fears and secrets.
My fears being someone finding it. My secrets being the razor's that I keep in there. My compartmentalization skills have gone. I have nothing left. Pulling it out, I yank up my sleeve and look at my mutilated skin.
I've done this so many times that they isn't any skin that hasn't been touched with a blade. My world is over.
Taking a deep breath, I bring the silver down onto my wrist. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. To many times. When the blade my smothered in blood, I wrap my arm up with white gauze and crawl back into bed.
More hot tears burst down my face and I hear someone come to the door, "A-Avery? C-Can I c-come in."
No, Marcel. No you can't. I don't say anything.
"A-Avery please. I k-know this is h-h-hard for you but w-we can talk a-about this." He still stutters around me. I hear him sigh and then sit outside my door. Standing up, I look over to my mirror. My hair is in a messy top-knot, grey fat pants, woolen socks an. My eyes are puffy from crying and a Doctor Who hoodie. My eyes are puffy and the tears have tracked trails into my cheeks.
I shuffle over to the door and open it a crack. Marcel looks up from the ground. His hair is still pushed back but he's in slacks with a white and black checkered shirt, "A-Avery!" He exclaims. Standing up quickly, he pushes the door open.
Embracing me in a hug, Marcel's head rests in my neck. I release him from a hug and close the door behind me.
"I-I've been so w-worried about y-you."
I shake my head, "I missed you Marcel. I'm so sorry." My voice cracks, more salty tears trickle down my cheeks. Marcel lightly kisses my cheek and then wipes away a tear. He's so perfect.
"Don't Marcel."
"D-Don't what?"
"I'm broken. You deserve someone better."
"I c-can fix y-you." He lightly intertwines his fingers with mine and I wince.
His eyes widen and he picks up my right arm, placing pressure on it, "Please don't." He closes his eyes, a tear falling down.
"Let me h-help you."
"Someone once told me, that if you are going to to try to fix a broken person. Be careful for you may cut yourself on the shattered pieces."
"You're w-worth it."
I lightly kiss his cheek and he pushes a lock of my messy bun behind my hair. I go to capture his lips against mine but he dodges them, "D-Do you remember w-what I asked y-you a c-couple of w-w-weeks ago?"
I shake my head.
"I asked i-if you k-knew about t-the Butterfly P-Project. And y-you said t-that you d-didn't."
I nod and he walks over to my laptop. "What's your password?"
"marcelandaveryforever. No capitals or spaces." He logs on and starts to go on Tumblr. "Come here, Avery." I walk over to him. The page has people posting their stories and the rules. They seem fair. I smile and offer Marcel my arm.
"W-What are you d-doing?"
"Rule six. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them."
"I w-would have thought y-y-you would name one after H-Hannah."
"I will. I want you to draw one on me." Marcel nods and picks up a bright pink marker. The pen tickles my arm as I watch him drawing the butterfly. He writes his name under it and a love-heart.
"Thanks Mars." I pick up a pen myself, indigo, and draw a butterfly with Hannah's name.
"Everyone m-misses y-you at school."
"Ed and Harry don't." I say. They hate me for having sex with their brother. Then again, I'd hate me too. Which reminds me, "Marcel?"
"Y-Yes?"
"Do you know if it's true that Hannah and Ed where hooking up?"
"W-What? I c-can ask E-Ed if you want m-me too, I-I can a-ask?"
"Thanks Mars." I wrap my arms around his neck and his pulls me towards his bed. He holds me close as more tears burn there way down my make-up free cheeks. The salty rivers fall onto Marcel's top, my face buried into his toned chest.
"It g-going to be o-okay, Avery. Y-You can make i-it t-through this. You're s-stronger then y-you think you a-are." He kisses my forehead which makes me cry even more.
Marcel has always only ever been amazing to me and I'm just a stupid bitch that caused her sister's suicide.
I'm worthless.
The Next Day
When I get up, Marcel's arms are still wrapped around me and my head is still snuggled into his neck. His eyes are open and he's smiling.
"A-Are you c-c-coming to school t-today?"
"Do you want me too?"
"I-I'd like that. I've m-m-missed you."
"I missed you too."
Swinging my legs from the bed, I walk over to my walk-in-wardrobe and start looking through my clothing. I grab some ripped skinny jeans and start looking around for a shirt. Marcel follows me and looks at me.
"I'm looking for a shirt."
He takes off his and hands it to me. I look at him and pull it on. It's still warm from his skin and it smells like tears and paper.
I smile at him and he laughs, "Thanks Mars."
"I'll m-meet you in h-home room, o-okay?"
"Sure," He pulls me into a hug, placing a kiss on my lips he say, "I l-love you."
"I love you too. Now get out of here before Greg or Ryan see you!" I push him from my room, we kiss as he leaves and I'm missing him.
He makes me feel whole. I haven't felt like this since Hannah's death. She was there for me and Marcel's trying to fill the gap.
[Flashback. Avery's POV. Age: 13]
Hannah hands me a cup of tea and smiles. She's the best sister that anyone could ever have. She's nice, kind and pretty. I wish that I was her.
Hannah's funny and everyone likes her. Not like me. No one likes me. Apart from Hannah, she's my best friend.
"Aves?" She says.
"Yeah Hans?"
"Do you want to watch some CSI?"
"Yeah." We walk over to the couch and curl up my the fire as the tv starts rolling the familar theme song.
[Flashback Over]
"Miss. Avery Small? Are you even listening?" It's third period and all I can think about is Hannah. Marcel's sitting next to me. He's been with me all day. Louis and Niall have been giving me killer looks all day.
"No, sorry Miss." I whisper. She sighs. Everyone's been avoiding me since Hannah's death. I think that they can tell that it's really fucked me up.
She's about to start yelling at me, when RIIING!
I've got PE next. Great. I love PE. (Note: No sarcasm. I'm top of the Track Team). "See ya Mars. I've got PE."
"I-I've got S-Spanish."
"Have fun, love."
I walk off. When I get down there and am ready, I look around. Everyone's avoiding me. Like suicide is infectious and they want to stay clean.
I shake it off. There's two new people though. Two boys. One has sexy pushed back black hair and has tanned skin. The other has ruffly brown hair and sparkling eyes.
Mrs. Claw blows her whistle and tells us all to get into groups of three. Preps, jocks, pops and me. Everyone has a group. The two guys walk over to me and say, "I guess that we're in a group. Hey I'm Liam." Says the one with the brown hair.
"I'm Zayn." The other says.
"Avery." I mutter.
"Avery... Pretty name." Zayn says and winks at me. I frown and say, "I have a boyfriend."
"Course you do. You're Avery Small. You're famous and super pretty."
"Mhmm," I don't want to know. It's all my fault that Hannah's dead, "I - I - I gotta go." I race from the gym and lock myself into a bathroom. Tears have already started pouring down my skin and I hiccup.
Hannah....
Notes
Just saying, I don't ship Mavery. I own that Cruise Ship! (all credits for the Shipping name goes to secret-directioner154).Hey guys! Firstly, to get a better look at Avery's life; here's her house: http://www.trendir.com/house-design/insanely-cool-house-engages-nature-1.jpg and her room: http://25.media.tumblr.com/444f296e42b78b641e1737cb2037908b/tumblr_moi7fyRb2u1sw16tio1_500.jpg.
Please review. It's my drug. Feed my addiction.
Favourite lines?
Hannah's death?
Mavery romance?
Predictions?
Ed's reaction to Hannah's death will be in the next chapter, pinkie swear.
I'm a demanding bitch. I know. Also, opinions I'm thinking about starting a side story to this that tell's it from Hannah's POV. Not just the little bit that lead up to her death. More about her and Ed's relationship, her sister friendship with Avery and why she made the choice to end her life the way that she did?
But that's not the point. Yes, lot's of people reviewed this but THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL DEDICATION.
The fantastic amazing secret-directioner154! Your review made my day. I love you so much and I can't tell you how much that review made me asdfghjkl. This is for your amazingness and I love you! Shipping Mavery forever and thanks for just always reviewing and being amazing over all!
Xxx
Np keep up the good work!
11/25/13