between the raindrops
Chapter 9
I was such a bitch to Harry. I mean I didn’t even let him explain himself. And the worst part is I went off at his band mates and Beth. They didn’t do anything. Okay sure they didn’t come look for me but they shouldn’t have too. I mean sure Harry shouldn’t have left me, but I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. I guess part of me just wanted to know that people actually do care about me. And when no one came to look for me, to make sure I was alright. It hurt. It felt like all my previous wounds from Lucas dying, just got cut open again. I know I’m selfish or fucked up. But I think it just comes down to the fact I’m a horrible person.
It took me two hours to calm down from my rage. I admit, my hotel room looks like a tornado came through it. I was just so pissed and hurt that I had to get it out some way. A way that didn’t involve me turning to cutting. So I trashed my hotel room. But once I calmed down, the guilt hit and I curled up in my bed. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, my bed is my safe haven. It’s the only place I truly feel safe and so whenever I’m upset I go to bed. I curl up in blankets and just lay there, staring at the wall. Which is what I did. Some may think that’s boring but trust me, it helps me a lot.
Slowly getting off my bed, I made my way to my hotel room door. Opening it, I poked my head to make sure no one was roaming about. Though I knew no one would be. It was almost midnight and the boys had a show tomorrow. Slipping out of my room, I took my time towards the elevator. I was a couple of meters away from it, when it opened and out came Harry and a brunette. Well this was defiantly awkward. I knew Harry felt the same way by the look in his eyes when he caught sight of me. But then the brunette whispered into his ear, making his face turn to stone. It was like he didn’t want me seeing how he was feeling.
“Everything okay?” I softly asked them both as they got out of the elevator.
“Just fine.” Harry coldly spoke. Of course he was going to be acting this way towards me.
“Look Harry I wan-“
“Save it Kim. I don’t want to hear your stupid excuse.” Harry growled at me.
I knew I deserved his coldness, but it hurt. I knew I shouldn’t get all upset but I couldn’t help the tears welling up in my eyes. Not wanting Harry and the brunette see the tears actually fall, I nodded to them before quickly walking around them and slipping into the closing elevator doors.
God why did I always have to fuck things up? Oh that’s right because I’m a horrible person.
Once the elevator opened at the ground floor, I slowly made my way out of the elevator and made my way to the dining room. I knew not many people would be around at this time of night and I also knew they had a piano there. Which meant I could play sad, depressing music all I liked. I doubt anyone would mind.
Walking into the dining room, my blue eyes scanned the room to see not many tables taken by some couples. There were probably only five pairs of couples. But seeing them only brought back the aching in my heart. The longing for Lucas and the slight longing for Harry back and it certainly wasn’t a feeling I enjoyed. I can tell you that.
I made my way over to the piano and sat down on the stool. I ran my fingers gently over the keys. Back and forth’s a couple of times. You know how Miley Cyrus’s character in the Last Song is really good at piano and shit? Well I’m pretty much like her. Julliard even asked me to attend their school once I graduate. I doubt I’ll do it though. I mean I haven’t played in… a year or so.
But to my surprise the piano still felt like home. It didn’t take long for me to remember a sad song. A song I felt was very fitting. I didn’t hold back either… Okay maybe I did hold back. But it didn’t take long for the emotions to come out. And by the end of it, I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
Leaning my head against the wood part of the piano, I tried to control my tears. I had to be strong. I couldn’t fall apart here. I couldn’t fall apart at all. I had to keep it together. I don’t know why, I just had too. Why the fuck did I play that song? It hit too close to home.
I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I didn’t notice someone approach me. So when someone sat down beside me, I jumped in surprise. My head snapped to the right and grew wider when I saw it was Harry beside me. It didn’t take long for a confused look to take over my features. I mean why was he here? He had no reason to be here.
“Don’t take this the wrong way… But why are you here?” I whispered, fearing his answer.
“I came to apologize for my behavior before. You wanted to apologize and I was an asshole to you.” He replied, keeping his emerald green eyes on me.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I was the asshole first. You tried to apologize to me before but I just yelled at you.” My voice cracked as I fought back the tears. God I was such a horrible person to him.
“Kim you had every right to be. I abandoned you-“
“That doesn’t give me the right to go off at you, without giving you the chance to explain what happened.” I cut in. I was determined to win this. But when our eyes connected, I knew he was determined to win this as well.
“Kim I don’t blame you for yelling at me. In fact I’d be worried if you hadn’t.” He chuckled, giving me a small smile.
I gave him a weak smile in return and then turned my eyes to the piano keys. That’s when it hit me. How long had he been here?
“Harry…” I trailed off nervously. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear his answer.
“Yeah?”
“How long have you been here?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the piano keys.
“I heard about the end half of the song.” He told me bluntly.
“Oh.” I don’t know why, but I blushed slightly.
“You have a good voice Kim...” He trailed off. No doubt this was awkward for him too.
“Thanks.” I replied flatly.
“You okay?” Concern was thick in his voice.
“Never been better.” I replied sarcastically, which got me a heavy sigh from Harry.
“Sorry… I… It’s just I didn’t expect things to be this hard ya know?” I asked hopefully. Please say at least he gets it.
“Yeah I know. I often wish he was still here sometimes. It feels weird knowing I can’t pick up the phone and call him. That I won’t hear his laugh again or that I won’t have a reason to go to Southport any more.”
His last reason cut a fresh wound into my heart. Was I not a good enough reason? Of course I wasn’t. He stopped talking to me. I don’t know why I ever thought Lucas’s death would bring us back together. He obviously didn’t want me in his life.
“Right.” I said coldly as I stood up. “I should go to bed.” I added as I stepped over the stool and headed towards the elevator.
I got about half way through the dining room before Harry appeared in front of me, making me stop in my tracks. I couldn’t stop myself from glaring at him.
“Kim what’d I do now?” He asked, his eyes searching my face for any clues. I didn’t give any though.
“Figure it out yourself, asshole.” I snapped at him.
And with that I stepped around him and quickly made my way to the elevator. Fortunately it had just opened for a couple to get in, so I quickly got in and pushed our floor button. I could see Harry standing in the foyer looking at me and I knew he’d figured it out.
In fact he started saying something but the elevator doors closed so I didn’t hear any of it and I didn’t want too. I was way too hurt to hear whatever his excuse was. God why couldn’t me and Harry just have one good time together? Was that too much to ask for?
Once the elevator opened up to the floor, I pretty much ran to my hotel room and locked the door behind me. I didn’t want to talk to Harry again tonight. Anyway he needed to get some sleep. He needed to rest for the show tomorrow. And hopefully tomorrow things would get better. But first I’d have to apologize to the rest of the boys and Beth.
And that was a never easy task.
9/6/13