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between the raindrops

Chapter 11

“We should stop.” I mumbled against Harry’s lips after a minute or so of us making out.
This was bad. I knew it was bad. But right now he was like a drug to me. He was the drug and I was slowly becoming addicted to him. That’s never a good thing but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find it in myself to pull away from him.

“But we don’t want to.” He muttered in response.

God, I swear my legs would have given out if he wasn’t holding me. I don’t know what it is about Harry that makes me like this, but I wasn’t going to start complaining anytime soon.

“You have a concert tonight.” I mumbled.

“Mhmmm” Was his only reply before he started kissing me again.

God damnit, this boy is dangerous.

After a couple more seconds of kissing, I finally get enough willpower to pull away from the kiss. My blue eyes wandered over his features before settling on his bright green eyes. It’s the first time I’ve seen his eyes this bright, since we first started talking again. And I couldn’t help but feel proud that I was the reason for his brightness.

“What does this make us?” He asked, his voice taking on that husky sound that I love so fucking much.

“I don’t know… But whatever it is… I don’t want the others to know.” I whispered, afraid to look him in the eyes.

“Why?” I could hear the hurt thick in his voice and it pulled at my heart strings.

“Because they’ll just judge me and god knows what Beth will think or say or do.” I was starting to panic at the thought of Beth finding out.

What would she think? Surely she’d start to second guess just how much I loved Lucas… And then it hit me. I couldn’t do anything like this with Harry. It wasn’t right. I was betraying Lucas. I was betraying his memory and love for me. I could feel the guilt crashing back into the front of my mind and I felt nauseous. God I’m a horrible person.

“This isn’t anything.” I spoke harshly.

I tried to pull away from Harry but his strong grip on me made me stay put. My blue eyes snapped up to look at his green ones… His now unreadable green eyes. Good god. Even though I couldn’t read how he was feeling, I knew he was probably hurt. I’d done that. That’s all I ever seemed to do. I’d hurt him and everyone else in my life. Maybe I should just go back home.

“Why are you doing this Kim?” His raspy voice broke through my thoughts.

“Because it’s the only thing I know how to do!” I yelled at him.

My hands went round to my back and ripped Harry’s arms away from me. I think quickly let go of his arms and took a couple of steps back from him. I wasn’t good news. I was broken and the only thing I knew how to do properly is push people away. That’s all I seemed capable of doing these days.

“Stop doing this Kim. Stop fucking pushing me away! I’m not going anywhere so you might as well get used to it.” He growled, his eyes becoming dark.

I’d never seen him like this. It was like he was a whole different person and I didn’t like it. I wanted my Harry back. I craved my Harry back.

“Why? Why can’t you just go back to being the manwhore every fucking girl seems to love! Why can’t you just leave me alone to deal with my own problems!” I yelled again.

“Because you aren’t dealing with your prob-“

“Yes I am!” I cut him off.

“Bullshit Kim. You’re running from them and we all know it. You won’t let yourself grieve properly and move on. Do you honestly think Lucas would want you to stay like this? You’re slowly killing yourself Kim. You’re slowly losing your fucking mind and you can’t even see it!” He yelled back.

Well he certainly wasn’t holding back this time, was he? But I knew he was right. Deep down I knew everything he said was true. I just didn’t want to believe it.

“You think I don’t know I’m losing my mind! It’s my fucking mind Harry; of course I know what’s happening! Did you ever think that maybe’s it’s easier than facing all the guilt and pain I feel?”

I hadn’t even noticed the tears rolling down my face till now. How long had I been crying? I quickly wiped them off my cheeks with the back of my hand. But they were just quickly replaced. Fuck. I was slowly breaking down. I had to get back my control.

“You can’t keep holding everything in Kim. It’s not healthy.” He hissed.

I was about to say something when Zayn came in through my door. He was about to say something too when I noticed my tears and Harry’s tense posture. Well he certainly had great fucking timing, didn’t he?

“What do you want Zayn?” Harry snapped, turning his head to look at his friend.

“Dude I just came to tell you that we have to leave for sound check.”

And with that Zayn turned and disappeared out the door, leaving it open to indicate that Harry really did have to leave for sound check.

“This isn’t fucking over Kim.” Harry growled, before he turned around on his heel and stormed out the door. Leaving me to slide down the nearest wall and cry.

Harry had just become my home and he’d just ripped it from me. He’d become my safety and now I felt homeless. How is it, I always seemed to find myself in these situations? I tried to think of someone to go to. I needed comforting but I knee w Beth would have gone with the boys to the sound check. Which left me, alone on a whole fucking floor in a hotel.

Maybe it really was time for me to go home.

Notes

I know this is short but I'm working on the next chapter right now. So that should be up soon.

And I hope you liked it c:

Comments

I see you did @misssari. And IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! They're soooooo cute!!! I wish she was going on tour with them :(
@fascinated

I updated love c:
@Shell

I should be updating in like an hour or so, since I'm literally just sitting on my bed eating food.
yay!! So happy you updated! Can't wait for more! :)
Loved it!!! Please update again soon!!!!!!!!!