I didn’t sleep much for the rest of the night. I probably got two hours sleep max. I tend to over think things and last night was no exception. Especially after what happened between me and Harry. The whole thing just left me feeling even more confused and guilty. Two emotions that seemed to never give me a break these days.
After slipping into my outfit for the day, I headed to my hotel room door. Pulling it open, my blue eyes fell on the sleeping curly haired boy. What the fuck was he doing sleeping out in the hall? Only crazy people do that and Harry is defiantly not crazy. In fact I’ll let you in on a little secret… I’m only keeping my sanity because of him. If he wasn’t around, I’d probably have lost it by now.

Letting out a small sigh, I quietly closed my door and walked over to Harry’s side. Kneeling down, I gently started to nudge him. After a couple of minutes of me nudging him, Harry slowly started to wake from his slumber. After a few groans came out from his mouth, his green eyes opened and found my blue ones.

“Morning sunshine.” I whispered, giving him a small smile. No one deserved to be woken up by a grumpy person.

“Hi.” He breathed, his eyes searching my face.

“You better go get ready. You guys will have to leave for the arena soon.” I told him.

Harry simply nodded in reply before he pulled himself up and then pulled me up. I could still feel a twinge of pain run through my ankle but I ignored it. I’d done so well to ignore it up till now, I could carry on ignoring it.

“We need to talk sometime today too.” His husky voice sent shivers up and down my spine. But I ignored them. I simply nodded before pushing him towards his room. Getting the hint, Harry turned and I watched him disappear into his room before I followed the sound of people talking into Liam’s room.

Stopping outside the door, I braced myself for whatever kind of reaction I’d get from the others. I wasn’t expecting a warm hug from them all. Especially Beth who could be just as stubborn and temperamental as me at times. I sometimes wondered how we ever became friends… Oh that’s right she’s Lucas’s cousin. We meet through him and back then, as little children. We’d just clicked. And ever since then Beth, Lucas and I had become a trio and had faced everything together. Now mine and Beth’s duo was going to slowly fall apart if I didn’t do anything about it.

Opening the hotel room door quietly, I entered the room and started making my way towards the living room. After all that’s where all the voices were coming from. I got to the living room door way in a couple of seconds and just stood in it. I felt beyond awkward and all I wanted to do was run to Harry and let him help me. I felt myself yearning for Harry’s touch but I stayed put. I had to do this myself.

“Hey Haz, come see this wicked video on youtube.” Niall called out.

No one realized it was me. All five of them were too busy looking at the computer screen. Maybe if I quietly tiptoed out they wouldn’t have to realize it was me instead of Harry. Then I could just apologize to them in the car ride over to the arena… Right?

But then Beth turned around about to say something when she finally realized it was me not Harry. Our eyes met and I could tell she was both pissed and concerned about me. I’d probably feel the same way if the roles were swapped but I couldn’t help feel annoyed at her concern. I was fine. I was dealing with things. I didn’t need her worrying about me. I could look after myself.

“Guys pause the video. Kim’s here.” Beth snapped at them, her blue eyes staying on me. God this was so awkward.

All four boys turned around, their eyes looking all over me. But they all looked at my face. All five of them now searching my face for any sort of emotions. I really fucking wish people would stop doing that. If I wanted them to know how I was feeling, I’d tell them. But quite frankly it was none of their business.

Clearing my throat awkwardly, I looked at all of their faces one at a time. I was trying to buy myself some time. I still had no idea what I was going to say to them. Or what I was even meant to say to them. I’d never been in this position before. I mean I used to say mean things to Lucas but he’d take one look at me, know I was sorry and forgive me. He’d act like nothing had happened. Yet they weren’t him and now I had to apologize by using my words and I wasn’t good at that. I’d never been good at that.

“Look guys… I’m really sorry about the way I spoke to you all yesterday. I was out of line and I didn’t mean what I said about the band being stupid and shit. I think you’re all great guys… I was just… I don’t know, upset I guess? I expected at least someone to come looking for me and when no one did…” I trailed off; my eyes dropping to the ground as I mentally slapped myself for opening up to them. That wasn’t part of the fucking plan.

“What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry. Like I said I was out of line and I promise it won’t happen again. If I’m angry at Harry I won’t take it out on the rest of you… Or bring you guys into the fight. It’s not fair on you guys and I’m just… I’m so sorry.”

Silence filled the room once I finished talking. They all just stared at me blankly but I knew they were trying to decide if I meant it or not. But the thing was, I did mean it. I meant every word I’d said. I just hoped they all figured that out sooner rather than later because their silence was really starting to get my nervous running on overdrive.

“Say something guys.” A all too familiar voice pronounced behind me.

I hadn’t even noticed him coming into the hotel room. When the fuck did Harry come in and how much of my apology had he heard? Hopefully he’d just heard the last part because I really didn’t have the energy to fight with anyone right now. Especially Harry.

The four boys all looked at each other, while Beth just stared blankly at me. She was hiding her feelings from me. I knew that. I knew out of everyone, she’d be the hardest for me to apologize too. Only because she knew me so bloody well. She knew how to read me, just like I knew how to read her. I was too focused on Beth, that I didn’t notice the four boys stand up and then rush at me. Until all of a sudden I was being crushed in a group hug. I guess this means they forgive me?

“It’s okay Kim bear. We all have those kind of days.” Louis said in a way too cheerful voice.

“So does this mean you guys forgive me?” I asked hopefully.

“Of course!” They all said in unison, making me laugh.

“Well then you might not want to crush me to death.” I breathed out and was very grateful when they pulled away from me.

“Next time though, just have hot angry sex with Harry.” Louis winked at me as him and the boys went and sat back down on the couch.

Letting out a groan, I soon turned my attention to Beth who was now standing up but leaning against the back of the couch. She was watching me closely and I knew she was looking for any signs that I was going to crack soon. But I refused to do that. I wasn’t going to cry any longer.

“Bethy?” I asked hopefully.

“I can’t forgive you Kim. You keep fucking pushing me away when all I want to do is help you.” She growled at me.

Closing my eyes closed, I found myself wishing that just once things could go my way. Why couldn’t things just be so fucking easy? Opening my eyes I looked Beth directly in the eyes.

“I know and I’m sorry. But what you need to realize is that you can’t help me. Only I can help myself. This is something I need to get through on my own. I just… I need you to be patient with me and be the shoulder I cry on when I need one. And for the rest of the time, just treat me how you used to before Lucas’s death.” I half pleaded.

All the boys were watching me and Beth. I didn’t miss how Niall nudged Beth encouragingly. The words I spoke were true. And both Beth and I knew I was right. She knew that this was what I needed from her and fortunately she wasn’t so stubborn about accepting it.

“Okay. I forgive you.” She breathed out.

And just like that I ran and engulfed her in a big bear hug. Her arms instantly wrapped around me and we stood there hugging each other for a good couple of minutes. God how I’d missed her.

Then Harry had to go and ruin the moment by clearing his throat and I knew what he wanted. He wanted to talk to me and I knew I had to talk to him. I knew I had to do it now before the show or he probably wouldn’t be on his game. Pulling away from Beth, I gave her a quick peak on the cheek before I made my way over to Harry. Nodding my head in the direction of the door, we both made our way out into the hall and then down to my hotel room.

I turned to face Harry as he shut my hotel room door. I just wanted to get this over and done with. I wanted to make things clear between us so we were finally on the same fucking page.

“Kim just let me explain please…” He began, testing to see if I was going to react. But I didn’t. I just stayed silent which he took as a sign that he could explain himself.

“I just… Well in case you hadn’t noticed I tend to say things without actually thinking about them first. Not to mention I act on my impulses pretty much all the time. Apart from when I’m around you. There has been so many times where I’ve wanted to push you up against a wall and kiss you. But I don’t because you’re fucking broken and you’re still in love with Lucas. And I know I say hurtful things to you sometimes but I never mean to hurt you Kim. I’m always wanting to protect you and I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you so far. But I promise from now on, I will never hurt you or leave you again.”

I gasped for breath a couple of seconds after he’d finished talking. I hadn’t even realized I was holding my breath but I had been. I couldn’t believe I’d just had Harry open up to me slightly. I knew he probably wouldn’t fully open up to me ever, but this was better than nothing right?

I must have been out of my mind though, because the next thing I know I quickly closed the space between us and crashed my lips against his. It didn’t take long for Harry to wrap his arms around my waist as my arms wrapped around his neck loosely, pulling him down closer to me.

This was wrong. I knew that. Well half of me knew that but that half wasn’t winning. Sure my brain was screaming at me to stop and to give him the cold shoulder. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t keep shutting him out because he was slowly melting my walls down and the fact was… I wanted him to. His arms just felt like home.

And in that moment, Harry had become my home. He may not have known it but I did. I knew that there was no going back as his tongue slid across my bottom lip, begging me to let him in. I did. I felt every spark that came off our joint lips and I knew then that I would need Harry to keep his promise.

Otherwise I was screwed.

Notes

So I actually wrote most of this like yesterday but then I remembered I had two essays that I needed to write by today. So yeah I finally got this done. And hopefully I should be able to get another chapter up tonight and some tomorrow.

And I hope you like it c: