Nov 20,

Today is my 20th birthday.





My eyes stared at the date and the sentence written on the page. It had been approximately fifteen minutes and fifty-seven seconds in counting since I had been staring at my notebook. Don't judge me. I literally had no other plans to spend my birthday so... yeah, shit happens.





Welcome to the boring life of Charlie Benson, I thought.





“I’m twenty,” I said aloud. At first I didn't take too well to my new age but when I actually thought about it, I fancied the idea of someone asking me my age and announcing to them that I'm twenty. I don’t know, it sounds better than saying, “I’m nineteen.”





“I’m far too old for childish games,” I said to myself in the mirror. “I’m twenty years old.”





“And this is probably why I have no friends,” I rolled my eyes at my own reflection and climbed back into bed.





A heavy knock on the door put my imagination on hold. I crawled to the end of the messy matress, reaching to the floor for the bottoms to my pj’s.





The knocks on the door turned into loud thuds against the door, sounding much like the person on the other end was trying to kick the door down. I was afraid that if they got any louder they would wake my mum. So, quickly I rushed downstairs almost breaking my neck to answer the door. I peered through the small window at the left just to see that Sean was knocking on my door like a mad man. I swung open the door and his gallant stance gave off the impression that he was indeed, a mad man.





“What took so long for you to open the door?” he asked sharply.





“I came as fast as I could.”





His smoldering stare was frightening. He made me feel like I’d done something wrong and I hadn’t.





“Sean, I—”





“Stop!” he shouted. “I’m kidding!” His abrupt and very loud laughter caused me to jump. I stared at him like he had lost his mind because he certainly had. My eyes couldn’t help but study the stranger in front of me. His clammy hands traveled from the pockets of his denim, to picking at his facial hair. I often wondered what happened to Sean. He used to be so perfect. He was a gentleman. We once had talks about having a future together, even if our relationship didn’t work out. It was great. Once his parents split, is when I noticed he started to associate with the wrong people and that’s when the trouble first began.


I overlooked so much of that because I knew how great of a person he was. I knew he had potential. But now, as I stare into his glassy eyes I realize he’s so far gone that he’s barely recognizable.





“Look what I got you.”





He waved a brand new phone in my face. The phone he promised me was nearly a week late after he mutilated my old one. It was ten times better than my old and then I wondered where he could have possibly gotten the money to buy such an expensive phone when he doesn't have a job. I'm almost certain his mother wouldn't give him the money to buy this kind of phone.



“Happy Birthday!”





I found it difficult to be excited about this new phone when Sean is falling apart and I’m slowly allowing him to string me along.





“Thanks Sean,” I responded flashing him a phony smile.





“What’s wrong?”




The crease in his forehead showed me concern. He genuinely cared about how I felt but he was filling himself with a poisonous substance that turned him into a monster and obviously I didn’t like it.





“Nothing. I’m fine,” I said giving him another smile. I was sure to show teeth to make it a bit more believable. He grabbed my waist and pulled me in for a tight hug.





“Well, I’m kinda in a hurry so I’ll call you or you could swing by my place later tonight? Is that alright?”





“Sounds great!”





He didn’t release me from the hug just yet. He smiled down at me, arms still encircled tight around my waist.





“I love you,” he said.






I looked away from him for a moment and I began to shake my head, flustered. “Sean, I—”






“You don’t have to say anything back.”





He finally let me go, still holding on to that handsome smile. As he turned to leave, my favorite blonde and brunette duo came treading down the footpath. Truly, I’ve missed them so much and was delighted to see them but having to deal with their questions and their judgement isn’t something that I was looking forward to this morning. Therefore, the frown on my face was worn fiercely.





“Don’t look too excited to see us,” Caitlin beckoned.





I was very happy to see them but I was afraid of what they would say if they knew about some of the decisions I was making. Like seeing Sean again, for instance. Although, I’m not entirely certain what we are just yet, but we’re something.





“Have you heard from Harry?” Bailey asked.





It suddenly felt like there was a giant lump at the back of my throat. I was physically unable to speak so I just shook my head.





“He says he has something very important to talk to you about and that he loves and misses you.”





Those words sent a cool stream of electrifying chills up and down my spine.





If he “loves" me, why does he keep hurting me?”






“Harry does love you, Charlie,” Bailey said as if she knew what I was thinking.




“STOP!” I shouted. They stared at me like I just lost my mind. (I guess everyone’s just insane these days) I was just hoping not to chase them away like I did my own sister. I saw the hurt on her face after screaming at her and instantly I started to babble, and cry and apologize like a little bitch. At this point in my life, I couldn’t afford to lose anyone else. I was desperately clinging on to the few people I had left. “The truth of the matter is, the kid dumped me on my ass,” I said in a softer tone.




“Aw, come here!” Caitlin said, pulling me into her embrace and stroking my hair. “We didn’t come here to talk about boys and question everything that’s going on in your life, Charlie. We came here to wish you a happy birthday.”





She continued stroking my hair several minutes after the situation was resolved.





"Seriously, Cait, you can stop now," I said.




"My bad."




I smiled but it quickly faded when I heard feathery light footsteps upstairs.





“Mum?!” I called upstairs. She was standing at the top of the stairs, preparing to come downstairs and I began to panic, my legs have never moved as fast as they did that day. Caitlin and Bailey came running after to assist me in getting Mum back into bed.





“I wanted to make some breakfast for my birthday girl.” The corners of Mum’s mouth hooked into warm a smile and I couldn’t stay mad at her.





“Mummy, you know you can’t be on your feet too long or you’d fall and your birthday girl doesn’t want that,” I coached as Caitlin and I teamed up to successfully get her in the comfort of her warm bed. “How about I make you some breakfast?” I said. She gave me a small nod and a quick wink.





“Is it okay if I keep her company?” Caitlin asked holding Mum’s hand. I let Mum decide that for herself. She seemed more than happy to have Caitlin with her. After watching their interaction for a quick second, I went for the stairs. Bailey followed close behind.





“She’s walking now?”





“Yeah, her doctor says if she keeps taking her medicine everyday, she’d be as good as new. She would have to take it everyday for the rest of her life and the disease wouldn’t be gone but it would be manageable. She’s forgetful sometimes...but that’s why I’m here, I guess.” I was saying as I ran around the kitchen looking for pots and pans and such.





Bailey smiled before saying, “that’s great...” her voice trailed off like there was more she had to say. Her eyes wandered around the kitchen for a bit. “Listen, I’m truly sorry for what happened earlier.” I could tell by the way she still avoided eye contact with me that she was. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just know firsthand, how much he loves you.” Her pressing blue eyes stared into mine. I half smirked not really believing what she said but taking it anyway. It wasn’t long before I opened the refrigerator to see the only thing we had to eat was either bread and butter or cereal. I, somehow, made it work and Mum was happy. She didn’t complain and I think that’s because she knew that I was trying. After feeding her and cleaning up, the girls stayed over and we just talked about what’s happened since we’ve last been together.





Bailey is dating someone new and Caitlin has landed a new job. I’m so happy for them, honestly. I just wish I had something going on in my life to tell them about. Something new and exciting.




*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*





“Oh my God! Tell me he did not say that to you...”





“He most certainly did and I knew it was meant to be right after that.” Bailey was gleaming.





“Well, this Ben better treat my cousin right or he has to deal with ME!” I teased. Throwing a few jabs in the air, like a boxer.





“Because we all know how frightening you are, Charlie.” Caitlin commented sarcastically, sending a gush of loud laughter come from each of us.





Spending the day with my girls was good for me.





“Well, it’s seven-thirty. Your party starts at eight so go get ready,” Caitlin boldly stated.





“Caitlin!” Bailey exclaimed, slapping her friend’s arm. “It was a surprise.”





“She was gonna find out at the party anyway.”





“Okay, I’ll get ready,” I said, with an eager smile. I went upstairs threw on my tightest pair of jeans, a nice top and put my hair up in a ponytail. I threw on some eyeliner, mascara and some deep red lipstick and called it a day. I made sure that Mum was sound asleep before going downstairs.





“You clean up really nice,” Caitlin complimented when she saw me.




I spun around and pranced around like I was a Kardashian on the red carpet.





*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*




Little did I know, the party was in fact, at Sean's house.





“Sean planned this?” I asked.





“He’s planned this for weeks,” Caitlin said.




As soon as she parked I ran into the house and found Sean. The party was already started and no one had even noticed when I walked through the door but that's ok because I wanted to find Sean so that I could thank him. I climbed the stairs to enter upon his room and there he was, sitting on his bed tossing his head back with a bottle of pills in his hand.




“Sean, why do you keep doing this to yourself?” I asked.





Though he understood that I just saw him take those pills he made me feel like I hadn't seen anything by shrugging it off.





“WHY?!" I pressed on further.





“JUST LET IT GO!” He shouted, growing angrier and punching his balled fist into a wall. I jumped. My heart thumped wildly in my chest and I didn’t say anything after that. Slowly, my head turned to see the slight dent he had put in his wall and I made sure my fear of him was evident on my face.




I stood there dismayed. I had no bad intentions only good ones and that was the thanks I got. We were quiet for several minutes.





“What is wrong with you? Why won’t you let me help you?”





“Nothing is wrong with me. If anything’s wrong—it's you.” He looked at me with enraged eyes. A sharp intake of air made the frown lines in his forehead more prominent. “You’re constantly trying to fix me. There’s nothing to fix.” He said, looking down and playing with his bruised knuckles. There had to be something wrong. Something deeper. He just wouldn't let me in to help.




"Sean, I only want to help.." my voice lowered.





"I don't need your help. I didn't ask for your help." His eyes finally met mine. "I. Don't. Want. Your. Help." I stared at him my eyes were wide with shock. He continued to study his bruised fist and I struggled to find the strength to get up and leave. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't.






"I don't even know who you are anymore," I whispered but it was just loud enough for him to hear, the pain was harnessed onto every word I spoke. He laughed and nodded his head. "You're right. You don't."




Finally, I found the strength to get up. "Don't go." Sean followed me, his fingers latching on to my arm and guiding me back into his embrace. He sat me down on his knee and he confessed everything that has happened.I think he realized that if I walked out of that door I would be giving up. He told me about the deepest darkest part of his life from him being abused by his father and his parents divorce to his own insecurities. His body language told me he wasn't entirely comfortable talking about this stuff, but he did and I'm grateful for that.





"Charlotte Louise Benson, I am madly in love with you," he said looking up at me from my place on his knee. He brought my hand to his mouth and pressed a feathery kiss to it. I closed my eyes for a bit just to try to piece together what I would actually say to him without upsetting him again. "I love you, I do.." I was beginning to get choked up and I felt in the pit of my stomach that I was about to cry. "But I'm in love with Harry. As much as I try to forget him. He's always there..." Sean never once broke eye contact with me. His intense glare pushed me to carry on. "How do you get over someone that you've loved since forever?"




He kissed my cheek. This action was unexpected but very much appreciated.




"That's how I feel about you."





I slightly smiled and stood to my feet. My eyes darted over to the clock sat atop his dresser. I hadn't realized that Sean and I had spent so much time up in his room and not downstairs enjoying the party but it was far too late for that now. I needed to get home as soon as possible so I could feed Mum, give her medicine, crawl into bed and watch some of her favorite late night television shows with her.




"I have to get home to Mum," I said.




Sean and I went downstairs to find Bailey and Caitlin. Bailey was no where in sight and Caitlin was drunk off her arse so I was out of luck. I was prepared to walk home but Sean stopped me.




"I'll take you home," he said.




"You're going to leave these wild people in your house?" I asked jokingly.




"Yeah, if they break anything I'll just have so kick someone's ass when I get back," he smiled, beautifully. Sean was far from perfect but then again, who honestly is perfect?




The ride wasn't long. We only lived a few streets away from each other but I'm always afraid to walk home alone in the dark. He pulled up in front of my house, leaning across the gear shift his soft lips caressing mine. It was such a soft kiss.




"Goodnight," he spoke.





"G'night," I said before climbing out and treading down the footpath in front of my house. I tried to tame my wild heart beat but there was no calming it down. I stood outside and I watched him drive off before opening the door. The house was dark, as it always was and I was smiling like an idiot in the darkness. A warm fuzzy feeling is what I felt. I'm not sure what it means, but I was kind of sort of thinking that it meant that I had feelings for Sean again...maybe. I'm not sure yet. I bit down on my bottom lip at the idea and turned to flick on the light switch and when I turned back around, that's when I saw her. She was lying at the bottom of the stairs. I was frozen in my place. Her dark blood had stained the carpet. I paled, raising my hand to cover my mouth as my eyes took in the horrid sight right in front of me. It was as if time had stood still and the room had suddenly gotten a lot smaller. I felt the muscles in my face stiffen, my whole body went numb. Then, everything returned to me slowly. My mother was lying unconscious on the floor practically drowning in a pool of her own blood.



I cried out for help but no one was even around. My unsteady feet carried me to her side, but it was more like a stumble and fall that left me trembling by her side. Shaky hands found their way to her chest to check for her heartbeat. There was none. I panicked. I did everything I could for her. I called her name repeatedly. "Mummy, you're gonna be okay, I know it." The moisture filling my eyes blinded me, I couldn't see her face. Angrily I wiped the tears from my face. I raised her head a bit just to see where the blood was pouring from.



Just then, someone entered through the front door. I turned to see Bailey who stood, queasy just as I was.




"Help me," I cried. She pulled me away from her and tried to get me to focus. My silent cries soon turned to murmurs. "Help me," I continued to rant. Bailey cupped my face in her hands, trying to silence me. "Shhh, look at me. Charlie, we have to call someone."




Within five minutes a team of experts rushed in and scooped my mum up and put her in an emergency vehicle and rushed her off to a nearby hospital.




Bailey drove me to the hospital. The car ride was silent and went fast. She drove like we were in a scene of The Fast and the Furious but I didn't mind it. The sooner we got to the hospital, the sooner the doctors would tell me she would be fine and everything would be okay, she would continue her healing process and we'd go back to normal. Whatever that is.





"Do you think we should call any family or close friends?" she questioned. I knew what she was implying and I didn't give her any response.




When we arrived to the hospital, I got out and ran. I wasn't sure where I was going but I ran wherever my heart led me.




"Charlie!?" Bailey's light voice called after me but that didn't stop me. People stared as I ran through the hospital with blood stained clothes and hands but I didn't care that I was making a scene, my only concern was Mum. I walked up to a desk and talked to a receptionist. I told her what happened and she did everything in her power to help me find where my mum was. Bailey soon caught up to me and a doctor came out to speak with us.




"I'm Dr. Palmer," said the male in the white coat he looked like he was in his late thirties, early forties and he appeared to be very experienced. Already, I knew I could trust him. "The head wounds are very severe. I don't know what happ-"




"My mum was diagnosed with Neuropathy just a while ago. I'm not sure what that means but her doctor told me that she shouldn't be on her feet but she kept trying to walk anyway." I felt myself beginning to cry. "I kept telling her no and I think when I left the house she was trying to get down the stairs.." I tried to explain that was the only logical explanation for this all.




The doctor stared at me like I was insane or maybe it was a sympathetic stare. I don't know, I couldn't quite read him or tell what his judgement was. I honestly didn't care. I just wanted to know how my mummy was doing.




"Do you have any other family or friends that you would like us to contact?"




Those simple words sent my world to a screeching halt. And for the second time today, everything had stopped.

Notes

I hope that you liked this and that you will let me know what you thought. Love you! x