You're Still The One

I struggled inside with the few select bags in my hands. Once they were dropped to the floor, I lurked to the old murky window at Harry’s car. He sat there several minutes after I was out of his sight. I’d like to think that he was questioning if he had done the right thing, but who knows what he was actually thinking. I could feel my heart shatter into a tiny billion pieces as I watched him drive off.





My legs had finally given up on me and sent me crashing into the floor. I pressed my back to the wood based door and pulled my knees into my chest. Heated, angry, regretful tears came flooding down like showers. I sat in that very spot, crying for about thirty minutes to an hour allowing myself to soak in my weariness.





“Charlie?”




“Mummy?” I cried, sounding a lot like my seven year old self. I left my bags to clutter the living room floor while my feet carried me to my mother’s beckoning call.




I stood at the post of her door, taking in her God-awful countenance. She appeared to be bed ridden. Her tiny, frail body all shriveled up just lying there with tubes wired into her chest, an IV latches into her arm. Black and blue marks were scattered across her pale skin. Her glittering blue eyes once lit up when I entered a room. Now, her eyes stared at me listlessly and dull.





“Mum?” I said in disbelief taking small steps into her room.





“Where’s Harry?” she asked, a plastic smile etched on her face.





This incredible woman is questioning me about what’s going on with Harry, when she looks like she’s holding on to life by a thin thread.





“What’s going on? Why are there—”





“Charlie?!” a voice shook my last thought. A hand gripped at my arm firmly and yanked me back.





“Mum, go back to sleep.” Melissa stepped out of Mum’s room and closed the door behind her. She tucked the few strands of hair on either side of her face, behind her ears.





“Is she sick?” I asked though the answer was obvious. I just needed confirmation.





Melissa’s gaze fell to the floor and I watched her eyes fill with moisture. A tear quickly cascaded down her face, before she could wipe it away.





“She isn’t doing too well.”






“Why haven’t you been answering my calls?” I snapped. All my current emotions wound up into a ball of rage and came spilling out. “Don’t you think that I deserve to know that my mother is sick?!” Mel’s eyes were wide with shock. I don’t think there was ever a time where I’ve talked to my sister with such threatening tones. I didn’t regret it either.





“I wanted to ring you Charlie. Honest to God. Mum told me not to. She said that you were finally happy with Harry and she didn’t want to ruin that.”





The mention of his name angered me mostly because I feel like I’ve wasted all of that time in London when I could have been here taking care of my sick mum.





“What if Harry and I had never broken up? I would still be in London to this day not knowing how bad things are? What if she would have—” I swallowed the humongous lump in the back of my throat. “What if she died? Would you have told me?”






“Please…Charlie” she cried. Melissa didn’t look like herself either. Usually, she would be all dolled up in her fancy sh-mancy clothes, with her flawless hair and her makeup would be perfect. In this very moment, that Melissa didn’t exist. Her hair was done up in a sloppy bun and it looked like she’d gotten dressed in the dark, sporting some dark grey joggers and a plaid button-up and some glasses that it looked like she stole from Harry Potter. Her eyes had drifted downstairs where I left the living room dimly lit and my bags on the floor.





“I didn’t know the two of you broke up. What happened?”





I ignored her question and continued to hammer her with whatever anger I still held inside.





“I can’t believe that you’d be that stupid. You know if something happened to her I would have never forgiven you…”





Melissa frowned, before heading downstairs. I only followed her to irritate her more. I only wanted her to feel as hurt and distressed as I was.





“She asked me not to tell you. I was only honoring what she wanted.”





“Or maybe you just wanted to control the situation like you always do.”





Melissa shot me a glowering stare. Her nostrils flared and her teeth clenched in clear aggravation. I even think she was considering if she would hit me or not. “What are you talking about?” she asked.





“Maybe you wanted to brag to all your friends about how you took care of your sick mother while your bratty little sister spent her time romancing it up with her pop star boyfriend. That would really make you look good, right?” My accusations were bizarre. After the words slipped from my mouth, I regretted them. My anger was so intense I was no longer in control of what came spewing from my mouth.





“That’s sick, Charlie! I wouldn’t do that.”




I shrugged.





“Do you think that it was easy keeping all of this from you?!” She asked, before quickly pacing into the kitchen, and of course I followed her. “You know the type of woman our mother is. She’s always putting someone else’s needs before her own.” The kitchen counter was strewn with prescription medicine. “This isn’t easy because if you think it is, please, be my guest.” She said using her hands to demonstrate the difficulty.





“I could do it.”





“You’re a child, Charlie.” She laughed being condescending. “You can barely take care of yourself. What makes you think you can take care of our sick mother?”





“I can do it and I could do it without any help from you.”





“Fine!” she threw her hands up in defeat. “Good luck with that,” she said as she pushed past me but somehow I still managed to beat her to the door where I twisted the lock and held it open for her.





“So, Harry’s gone and you’re back to your bitchy, bratty ways?” She cackled and though her words hurt, I still held onto the condescending smirk assembled on my lips just to prove how she her words weren’t going to break me. “At least Harry was smart enough to get rid of you when he got the chance.”





Then, she left.





I never told her Harry broke up with me. A stinging was left upon my tormented heart. My lips trembled as her words replayed over in my mind. I didn’t want to be the way that I was before Harry came back into my life. She was so bitter and angry at everyone. But I couldn’t help it. He brought out the best in me and without him, I’m so…lost.





For the second time today, I watched someone I loved deeply walk out of my life through the same dirty window.





I collected my bags from the living room, while trying to carry the steep stack of mail piled high on the coffee table and I scooped Mum’s meds from the countertop. I switched the light off and travelled up to my old room. That room was probably the only thing that hasn’t changed in the past four months. The posters that covered my walls were still hung along with pictures of my dad. Everything was exactly the way I left it. Nothing was out of place.





I dropped my bags on the floor and crawled into my old bed which didn’t compare to the warm cushiony feel of the bed I used to share with Harry.





The throbbing in my head only reminded me that I needed to stop thinking about him. So, the first thing I did was get out of bed, strip myself down and step into the bathroom that was connected to my room.





I needed a calming shower.





The cool water hit my skin ever-so gently and soaked my thoughts. After my quick shower, I tossed on a pair of joggers and a Rolling Stones tee. I pulled my slick hair back into a ponytail and I carefully studied all Mum’s medicine. It took me about an hour to learn which medicines she takes every day and how often each day and pronouncing them was physically impossible. After figuring all that out, I felt my stomach swirl, hungrily. Slowly but surely, I walked to Mum’s room and lightly knocked at the door waiting for any sign that she was awake.







“Melissa?” Mum said, her voice sounding so soft.





“No Mummy. It’s Charlie.”





She smiled faintly and patted down on the empty space beside her, signaling me to join her on the bed. She pulled me into her embrace allowing my head to rest against her chest.





“I heard what you said to Melissa.” Mum’s hazy eyes could barely look straight at me. “Don’t be so hard on her. I asked her not to tell you because I know how miserable you’ve been since Dad died and Harry made you really happy. I only wanted you to be happy.”





A combination of her modesty and the mentioning of my deceased father brought me to tears.





God, I’m sick to death of crying.





“I rang you so many times.”




“I know sweetheart,” she whispered, stroking my semi-dry ponytail.





The pounding in my head ruptured again as an indication that I should calm myself.





I giggled lightly as I wiped the last of my tears. “I only came to find out if you were hungry.” Mum smiled probably elated just to see me smiling.






“Some food sounds great right about now.”





I climbed back out of bed leaving a feathery kiss to her forehead before disappearing down the dark hall, down the stairs and back to the kitchen. My hand gripped at the refrigerator door handle, swinging it open noticing what little food we had; probably six slices of bread, some jam and condiments are all we had but I worked with it.





I lightly toasted the bread and spread some jam on top, giving us a couple of jam sandwiches.





Welcome back to the real world, Charlie.

Notes

This is just the beginning...x

If you ever want a friend to talk to about anything here are a couple of ways to do so, I have no friends and I could use some!
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Thanks! Peace out! x