That was then, This is now

"Alright, time to go to bed." I informed when the Tellettubies were up only to receive whines and groans from the children. "And no arguing!"

Joel pouted but climbed off the couch, heading to the bathroom and brush his teeth while Ivy's bottom lip trembled, her blue eyes ressembling me of my stubborn self back in the days.

"Ivy.."

"I don't wanna." She crossed her tiny arms in front of her chest, the blonde locks falling to her forehead.

"What about I finish that bedtime story I was telling you the other day?" Harry suggested hopefully.

Ivy broke a little but still held a thin of stubborness.

"The fairy will erase that story from my mind if I don't finish it today.."

"Really?"

Harry nodded convincingly. Ivy sighed defeatedly and rolled of the couch before Harry picked her by the legs and carry a giggling Ivy upside down.

Smilling, I cleared the cookie crumbs off the couch and took it to the kitchen. I swear Anne has to stop bringing those cookies of hers!

By the time I reached the rooms upstairs - picking toys all over the place - Ivy's was pitch black so I merely snuck in to give her a goodnight kiss and adjust the stuffed bear on her grasp.

Joel was also in bed above the covers, his feet pointed to the air and a book in hands.

"Time to sleep baby. You have school tomorrow."

"Okay."

Sheets were held up for him as he climbed inside with his cool ninja turtles pjs.

"Goodnight honey." I pressed a kiss to his chocolate unruly curls.

"Love you mummy."

"Love you too sweetheart." I smiled tucking the sheets around him.

Downstairs, Harry was already on the couch with two fuming mugs in hand and the tv playing something that isn't Disney Channel or Baby Jam for a change.

"Here." Harry handed me the tea.

"Thanks." I blew on it. "I'm exhausted."

"I feel you."

"Did Ivy fall asleep easily?"

"I had to make the princess of the story have 4 babies before she finally fell asleep. She ate too much of my mum's cookies."

"I know." I sat down, making room for Harry to lay his head on my legs as I play with his hair like he always enjoyed me doing.

"Are you going to the office tomorrow?"

"After I drop the kids. It's payment day tomorrow and I need to hire someone new."

"A new psychologist?"

"No, for the cleaning. The last one is going to immigrate."

"Oh. Well, Niall called for a golf tournament. So I thought you could stay with Sophia and help with the twins while we go."

"What time?"

"Around 10 a.m"

"Hmm, I don't think I'll make it. But if we take the two cars, you go with Niall and I head to their house after stopping by at the office and help her prepare some lunch for the 4 of us."

"Or we could take only my car, drop the kids a little before 9 and make a kick stop by the office before heading to Niall's." he suggested.

"Works for me as well." I shrugged.

Harry threw me his biggest smile and pressed a kiss to my stomach.

I love my kids, they mean the world to me, but it's so nice when their bedtime comes and this peaceful silence fills the house. There's no shrikes or loud TV's playing Phineas and Pherb. It's just me and Harry in the little time we have for us as a couple, even if just to sit like this in the couch and doing nothing else. I actually prefer that over a date night and fancy dinner at a restaurant. This works just perfect for us!

"What was that movie we didn't finish the other day?" Harry skipped the channels in search for the right one.

"Didn't you record it?"

"Oh, right."

He finally settled on the right one, reaching for a blanket to throw over our tangled bodies as we enjoyed our couple's time left in peace.

-

Even though I'm pretty sure it's the middle of the night, I'm pretty aware of the tugging on the bed covers. Harry's body was warm against mine, his face squashed up against my collarbone as he snored softly and an arm lazily thrown around my waist.

"Mummy." the tugging on the convers continued.

I blinked in the darkness, confused and sleepy. My left arm was hidden underneath Harry's body and horribly numb. I wiggled and tried to move out from under him when I realised it was Ivy's figure on my side of the bed.

Blindly, I reach for the lampshade, turning it on and comfirming my thoughts. My motherhood took action and I started to panic when the clock in the nightstand showed 4:37 a.m.

"Ivy, what's wrong?" I sat up hurriedly, my hand reaching for her on instinct.

"What happened?" Harry mumbled behind me, rubbing his eyes.

"Can't sleep." Ivy sniffled. I noticed Ozy the bear on the floor next to her.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

She nodded biting her lip. I sighed and glanced at Harry. He shared the same worried look before turning to our daughter.

"Would you feel better if you sleep with mummy and daddy today?"

She nodded once again.

"Alrigh, come here." I picked her up as Harry shuffled further in order to leave space so Ivy could lay in the middle of us.

"Ozy." She mumbled.

"Here." I grabbed the teddy bear from the floor and placed it next to her as well.

Harry threw the covers over us again, engulfing us in the warmth of it. Ivy's tiny hand clenched to my top as she yawned.

I started cooing to her, Harry's hand finding my body under the covers to push me closer and engulf us both in his protective embrace. Our daughter laid in the middle of us, her back against Harry's chest as she was squished between us.

"Did she watch something scary on tv?" I whispered.

"Not that I noticed."

"Hmm," I frowned glancing down at Ivy's thumb sucked into her pink lips as she was now fast asleep. Well, that was quick..

"It happens sometimes." Harry tranquilized me, his hand softly trailing my spine. My eyes fluttered from both the warm feeling and sleep deprivation.

"Yeah.." I snuggled closer, turning off the lampshade and laying my head on Harry's pillow.

He pushed me closer yet again, our noses almost rubbing as our daughter blew out soft breaths in the middle of us. Definitely asleep.

"Go back to sleep, love." he whispered with a sweet kiss to my forehead.

I nodded finally closing my eyes as sleep overtook me for the rest of the night.

-

"Harry?" I peeked my head inside the garage's door where my husband was currently roaming through his golf stuff.

"Yeah,"

"Breakfast ready."

"I can't find my golfing gloves." he huffed, combing s hand through his curls.

"I think I took them for a wash from last time. Let me ckeck in the laundry."

I barely had time to turn around before Harry's arms scooped me up against him.

"Thanks babe." He whispered in my ear with a playful bite.

I wiggled around in order to face him properly. "You're lucky I got patience as a super power since giving birth."

"I can think of many other superpowers you have.." he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Are you flirting with me?" I faked surprised.

"Maybe.."

"Well, you can show me some of your super powers too tonight."

"Do I need to put on my cape?"

I laughed loudly, my arms around his neck as I leaned up to connect our lips. "We've been brainwashed by disney shows."

Harry nodded in agreement, connecting our lips yet again. The familiar taste of his tongue still feels amazing after so long but I also have my motherly instincts kick in so we leave the garage and head for the kitchen. Both my toddlers were eating their cereal, too focused on Harry's iPad playing an old One Direction concert. They love watching it even though they don't remember those times.

Both Harry and I resumed our eating on the counter as we discussed how our day would go before the house's phone started ringing.

"Hello? Oh, hi Darla... Yeah... I don't think that's a problem but I'll pass it to Mia and you can discuss it further."

Harry handed me the phone as I recognized being the mother of one of Joel's friends.

"Hey Darla."

"Hi Mia. I was thinking of doing a little playdate at ours today. Do you wanna bring Joel by 3 p.m? I prepare them a little snack and you can pick him up, let's say, around 6:30?"

"Sure. Joel do you wanna play with Mike after school?" I asked my boy.

"Yes!!" He threw his hands excitedly in the air, his green eyes sparkling in resemblance of Harry's.

"You heard him." I chuckled to the phone.

"Good. Just bring some of his toys and I arrange everything else at the house."

"You sure? I can bring some doughnuts or something.." I suggested, my eyes trailed on the kids as they followed Harry's command to brush their teeth.

"No, I'll buy some pantries after dropping Mike."

"Okay. I'll bring Joel at 3 p.m."

"Alright. Text me when you decide to show up."

"Sure. Thanks Darla."

Upon disconnecting the call, I was ready to go help the kids when Harry's phone beeped on the counter. I grasped it only to notice a text from his assistant.

Do I book one flight seat or four?

I frowned, opening the whole convo to understand the question. It was a conversation regarding a trip to LA next thursday - which is weird because that's the exam day my mom and sister are arriving here for a visit.

I keep scanning the texts and finally understand the meaning of it all. Since dropping the band, the guys have been focused on family and raising kids but now that they're older and in school, the lads are finding new occupations. A few months ago Niall and Harry came up with the idea of creating a recording label based on the UK and take in new artists that want to make it into the music industry.

I thought it was a great idea, instantly supporting it as well as Sophia. Except it was supposed to be in British territory but now scanning the texts I realize they're considering opening many studios in the US which would require several trips to America not only for 2 or 3 days but for 2 or 3 MONTHS!

After all the time Harry and I spent apart during his band years and the talks of settling once we have kids, I honestly can't believe he's taking the US extension as a viable option! I guess I was wrong..

"Mãe!" Ivy came running down, her Elsa's backpack in hand.

I smiled largely, proud that she called me mom in Portuguese. Joel already knows a few sentences and I couldn't be prouder that my daughter is following the same steps.

"Teeth." I commanded as Ivy grinned widely to show her cleaned teeth.

"Good girl. Got everything?"

My baby nodded so I picked her up on my hip and descended to the garage to buckle her up in the car.

"Mia, are you downstairs?" Harry yells but I ignore only to hear footsteps and Joel entering the car.

"I called you." Harry came trailing right behind and I don't need to turn to know he's aiming at me.

I ignore him again, focusing on the task of buckling the carseat.

"Hey," his hand reaches for my hip, giving it a little squeeze.

"You left your phone on the counter." I finally turn towards him, thrusting the device between us.

Confusion flashed his features until he scans the texts I just read.

"I can explain." he rushes calmly.

"I'm sure you can." I laugh sarcastically before entering the passenger's seat.

From the mirror I see Harry type in a quick text and open the gate before climbing in the driving seat.

We leave the house, Ivy and Joel talking lightly in the back contrarily to Harry and I who keep quiet. His hand reaches for my thigh and I don't remove it but I also don't cover it with my own hand like I always do.

The school's sign comes to view a few miles ahead and we drop Joel to school and Ivy on daycare.

Only when Harry and I are alone does he introduce the topic.

"I haven't decided anything." is the first thing he says once we enter the confines of the car again.

"That'd be the ultimate thing to do without consulting me.."

"The US wasn't an option until a couple meetings ago, I swear!"

Harry's body is fully turned to me, concern clear written on his face as I also turn to have a full view of him.

"Why is it an option now?"

"Expansion." he shrugs.

"You haven't even opened the label in the UK!"

"It's just a possibility that's on the table. It's nothing definite.."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We literally just spoke about it this morning!"

"Does Sophia know?" I raise my eyebrow at him.

"If Niall told her.."

"I mean, she's just gave birth to twins a couple months ago!"

"I'd obviously be in charge of everything until he's okay with getting back to work.."

"Oh so it'd be ok for you to travel that much then.."

"No.." he sighed exasperated.

"Are you going to tell me what the real problem is?" I ask knowing there's more to the story I don't know about.

"I just want my kids to be proud of me." he muttered defeated fidgeting with his hands.

"Proud? Harry, your children couldn't be prouder of you. You see how excited they get when your face comes up on TV, it's the DVD's of your concerts they always wanna watch before bed, they can sing all of your songs backward and Ivy doesn't even speak proper English yet!" I elucidated him. "Your children couldn't be prouder of you. For everything, you're an amazing father and they love you more than anything."

"Last week Joel told me they spoke about their parents jobs at school."

"I know.."

"And he said he wasn't sure about me."

I shook my head. "I don't understand."

"He isn't sure because I'm not really doing anything at the moment. I was in the band and now I just do a few things here and there."

Now I'm getting it! Post-Band depression..

"Harry.." I grabbed his hand in mine. "You should be grateful that we don't need a 9 to 5 job to live comfortably. A lot of parents wish they could spend as much time with their kids as you do with ours. But you also have to have in mind that when both Joel and Ivy were already born and you were still in One Direction, you traveled a lot. And you know those were troubled times."

"I just want to be useful."

I felt myself getting angry because, to be honest, I get what he's saying but he's being selfish and not looking at a bigger picture.

"So you're saying I'm not useful.."

His eyes shot open. "No, I-"

"Because I didn't audition for a tv show and became famous, travelled the world with my best mates, had the time of my life and made tons of money in-"

"Mia," Harry sighed realizing the mistake he made.

"I had a dream of being a Psychologist since forever and I worked my ass off for it! You - above anyone else - know how devastated I was after I was expelled for being your girlfriend!"

"I know.." he gulped.

"I lost a year and then when I returned my studies, I finally graduated and now I don't even practice! I spent years of my life burning my lashes for a degree only to run an office from afar because I got pregnant! And I don't regret it! Priorities change as you grow up, Harry, and I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything else in the world."

"I didn't mean what I said.." his apologetic hand reached for mine but I pulled away.

"You've been whining about it for weeks and you don't see that I went through it as well yet you don't hear me complain because Joel and Ivy fulfill my life in a way psychology never would."

"Don't go there. You know I'd give my life for you 3, that's not what this is about."

"It is, though." I nodded. "Why don't you find a balance? I wasn't able to exercise psychology myself so I opened an office that I run with great young psychologists for who I give my name to. Find something that allows you that as well."

"I'm trying!" It was Harry's turn to raise his voice. "That's what the record label is about!"

The car is suddenly too small for the tension building and the temperature has raised 20 degrees in the last few minutes but none of us slow down.

"No! I know you Harry! Once this US idea is approved, you'll get too excited and not look at the bigger picture.."

"Who's being selfish now? You're speaking for your own benefit!" He accused.

"Excuse me?" I gasped. "Being selfish? Have you forgotten when you went to LA for a recording session for 3 weeks and Ivy cried herself to sleep when you weren't there to finish her fairytale? Or how Joel opened the big gates to the street to look for you because his father left us for almost a freaking month!?"

"No, I haven't forgotten that!" He grimaced almost painfully, guiltily.

"It doesn't seem like it!" I yelled.

"Why are we even discussing that? It's only a fucking possibility!"

"Because Harry!" I started. "I don't think we'd make it if you leave for that long again. Not anymore."

His mouth dropped. "We?"

"The kids... Me... Us."

"Why?"

"Because you don't understand what it was like every time you left us. If you're gonna get to that life again then what was the point of having kids? What's the point of being together now?"

"You're being dramatic.."

"No! You don't know what it was like for me to handle both kids while you left us so many times! Every time they uttered your name when they could barely form words and you weren't there to reply it was a stab in the heart for me."

"You don't need to remind me every bloody second!" Harry yelled covering his ears. "Every time they called me crying I was crying on the other end of the line too! Do you think it was hard for you? At least you had them, I only got granted skype calls!"

"And who's fault was that?" I accused loudly.

"I couldn't just quit and you know it! I wasn't alone in that ship, there's 4 other people that come with it!"

"I didn't say the contrary but now you got a choice and you're still going the wrong way.."

"What happens then if the US project is approved?" He whispered, almost sensing my reply.

"The kids are as yours as they're mine, they'll always be part of you. But I'm not sure if I could handle times like that again."

Harry took a deep breath, silence filling the car except for my painfully beating heart. It squeezes with every beat as I let my own words sink in. They just flew out of my mouth but I can't help wondering how much of it is actually true.

"What follows then? A divorce?"

"No." I shook my head in disbelief until it hurt.

Harry and I have had that conversation years ago even before getting married and we promised we'd never follow out parents' path and divorce each other. No matter how big or serious the problem is, we vowed to fix it.

"What then? Because for what you're saying, I'm sensing that's what you're hinting.."

"It's not.."

"We've had such a happy marriage so far, Mia.." he whispered, a hand softly lifting my chin to look into his deep green eyes.

"I know that. I still love you as much as the first day and I feel so happy everyday. Why don't you?" I finally broke down, a single tear sliding down my cheek only to be wiped away by Harry's thumb.

"You're seriously blind if you don't see I'm the happiest man on earth with you, woman."

Giggles escaped through the tears as I sniffled, Harry's soothing voice comforting me like nothing else. Even when he's the cause of such distress.

"I don't want to ever even mention the word divorce between us, okay?" He whispered firmly in my ear. I nodded.

"You're gonna be late for the golf's tournament."

"I don't care. You're afraid and it's not okay. We're gonna go home and fix it, alright? We'll just sit down, talk through it and fix what's fucked up here."

His large hands firmly held my face to his, the intensity of his burning gaze seeking an answer in mine.

"Okay?"

I think he's now getting the serious panic I was getting into with just the possibility of him leaving for a while again. If I was doubtful about it before, I know now I'd never be able to cope with a long departure again, I've done that too many times and now Harry's finally settled, it'd break me to get into that routine all over again. Not only for our children, bur for our marriage as well.

"Okay."

Notes

Hi!!! Here it is..

1 CHAPTER LEFT!!

I'm so excited, I can't wait for your thoughts on the ending!!

Thing is, I want it big so when this story reaches 200 votes I'll updte the last chapter!!

keep commenting!!

xox