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That was then, This is now

A Place Called Home


Today everyone came to the flat for dinner and have some fun together since we won't be able to do that for a while when our tour kicks off in two weeks.
Our hangouts as a group are always fun but today Mia was a bit off.
After Zayn's wedding last week I thought everything was fitting into place because she was happy and dancing and smiling like she always did before this hurricane of emotions crashed her upon the accident. But today her laughs were forced and I knew her mind was far away and that was worrying me because nothing good happens when Mia is this silent.
What was worrying me the most was that I was leaving soon and she'd be here alone with her thoughts.

Once everyone left the house, Louis excused himself for his room for the night and Mia and I did the same. I know she's been debating to tell me something in the last few days but she's somehow pondering how to approach that I can tell but my nerves are getting the best of me so I decided to make the first move and speak out.

"What do you wanna do tomorrow?" I asked when I joined her in the bathroom to brush my teeth.

"Hum... Don't you have rehearsals?"

"No, only monday." I spoke quietly. "Why, do you want to do something on your own tomorrow?"

"No, not tomorrow." Hum, we're getting somewhere...

"What do you mean?"

Mia placed her toothbrush back in the spot and moved to the bathroom stripping off her clothes and roaming through the closet to find one of my baggy t-shirts to sleep in. I waited patiently until she gained the courage to speak. She's obviously realized I'm suspicious about something. However, when she finally opened her mouth I regret initiating this convo in the first place.

"I'm thinking about going home."

"What do you mean home?" I took a step back as if someone had punched me in the stomach except this pain was worse.

"I mean Portugal. I've been thinking about going back to Portugal." Her voice quiet, finally turning to me to evaluate my reaction.

"Are you going to leave me?" My voice cracked at the end. Just the simple thought of losing her makes me sick to the core. I've suffered enough about it when I spent endless days without knowing if she'd survive or not at that dreadful hospital.

"No!" She shook her head frantically. "I'm just pondering to go back for a while."

"You used to call this place home..." I pointed out.

"What?"

"Now you just said you're thinking about going home. When you fist moved in you used to call this place home and now you're referring to Portugal as your home." I expressed.

"That's not what I meant, it's just habit I guess..."

"Hum..." I nodded but I think my disappointment is evident.

"What does 'hum' means?"

"Just 'hum'..." I sighed rubbing my temples, physically and mentally exhausted.

"It's just for a few days..." Her voice was soft.

"Okay." Was my reply.

"Are you mad?"

"No Mia, I'm not mad. I'm just tired from rehearsals."

Lie.

"Harry..." She sighed defeated taking a step forward but I didn't move and by the look in her face I know she realized that. "You said you were not mad."

"And I'm not, I'm just tired... Of everything! I know you've been through a lot in the past months and I'll never be able to know how you really feel about it even if I try my hardest so I'm just being cooperative and save us both a fight. If you want to go back, you go back." I tried to ignore the sting and numbness taking over my body with my words.

I followed the movement of a single tear rolling down Mia's ocean eye carrying more pain than any words would. It took everything in me not to take her in my arms and comfort here but my feet simply did not move so we remained away from each other and I felt cold.
But I mean what I said, I really an tired. Whenever things get hard Mia always thinks of leaving me and every single time I run after her and practically beg her to stay with me.
Since we met I've done nothing but fight for her with all the strength that I have and now I'm tired of all the fighting, it's exhausting.

I'm not gonna pretend that it doesn't hurt because I know deep down Mia is it for me but she needs to be able to consider all perspectives and not run away every time a problem comes.
I know I'm probably being selfish because this is not a 'problem', her dad died! But I've done nothing but being here for her, supporting her and holding her hand literal and metaphorically and I know there's nothing more I can do to show her I'm here, I've ran out of options so if she thinks it's best for her to go back I won't be the one stopping her.

"Are you kicking me out?" Another tear rolled down, followed by another and another.

"No! How do you assume that from me saying you can do what you think it's best?"

"Because you would never say that!"

"I just did!" Honestly the 'home' thing was it for me.

"Harry I..." She paused to wipe the tears that were running freely down her reddened cheeks. "I know I haven't been the best girlfriend lately but I thought... I don't know I thought we were fine."

"And we are..." I used the present tense.

"Then why are you practically sending me back to Portugal?"

"I'm not sending you back, you were the one who brought that up! All I'm saying is that you can do what you think it's best and I won't interfere."

"Why not?" She's literally the most complexed woman I've ever met, it's infuriating!

"Because if you think that going back is the best option then I'll stand by your choice, what else do you want me to do? I can't lock you in the house and stop you from doing so."

"You're giving up on me..." I think it was supposed to be a question but came out more as a statement, a confirmation. I'm not sure if "giving up" is the right word but I'm setting her free to, for once, do what she wants without me opining or stopping her from doing so.

"I'm letting you decide what you want for your life."

"I want you." Her eyes met mine and for a split of a second I forgot how to breathe.

"You already have me, all of me, always."

"Then why do I feel like I don't?"

"Because for once I'm not grabbing you and stopping you from going through that door like I'd normally would but that doesn't mean I don't care anymore, it means I love you enough to let you make your own decisions without my opinion clouding your thoughts." My voice was calm but my insides were twisting and turning my mind imagining a blonde girl close the door of the flat in my face and never return.

"But I want your opinion to cloud my thoughts and you grabbing me and stopping me from walking out whenever you want to! I know I'm boring to be around lately but I'll get better I promise! Just please be a little more patient! I know you always are and it takes a lot to handle me but I seriously just meant going back for a few days not permanently, I'd never do that!" Her hands moved frantically in the air in signs of desperation, her eyes practically pleading through the set of tears.

"I understand." I replied honestly. "Go home and decide what you want to do."

Without even realizing it, we were now standing much closer, the invisible magnet unconsciously pulling us together and it was suddenly getting harder not to reach my hand forward just to touch her arm or caress her cheek. And I know Mia well enough o know she feels the exact same.

None of us spoke for a while just staring at each other until her shoulders dropped and with a defeated sigh she finally closed the distance between us.

"Harry," Mia sighed moving to stand in front of me, cupping my face in her hands. "Home is where you are to me. It was just a way of expressing, I didn't mean it like that."

"Mia..." I sighed.

"Please hold me." My broken girl spoke with a sob.

Her tiny arms circled around me, hugging me tightly and resting her head against my chest. I sighed wrapping my arms around her shoulders pushing her closer to me.

"See, this is where I feel home. Safe." My heart practically leaped out of my chest as she referred being in my arms as home.

"Then why do you want to go back?"

"I need to see how the rest of my family is going and specially support my sister. She's too young to be getting through so much, she needs me."

"I understand that but why don't you bring her here? She can stay with us until she starts classes again?" I suggested not wanting to be parted from her.

Who was I kidding? Now that I'm holding her I know I'd never let her go on her own. I thought I could but once again I'm proven that I'm too deep into it, into her. Not that I didn't know it before. I was just being stupid and hurt that she thought of being away from where she belongs, with me.

"Or you could come with me?" She offered.

"I can't. You know I can't leave London now that we started rehearsals for the upcoming tour."

"I really want to be with my sister. I feel guilty being separated from her, she needs me. I don't want to leave you either but I also can't live with myself if I stay here while she's taking it all herself. Please don't leave." The pressure of her arms tightened around me.

"I won't."

"You won't?" Her reddened eyes shot up to look at me.

"No." I shook my head tucking a stray of hair behind her ear. Her face instantly leaned into my palm.

"I'm sorry if I lead you to believe I was leaving, I'm not! I'm trying to be strong but my sister has to be my priority now, I feel so bad for being away from me. She's my little sister and I have to be there for her."

"Okay." I nodded having an idea. "Why don't you go in the end of the week and I'll join you over the weekend when I don't have rehearsals?" I suggested.

"You'd do that?"

"I'd do anything for you." My lips connected with hers to seal my promise.

"Thank you." She smiled softly. "Would you really let me go if I wanted to?"

"Let's not talk about it." I frowned shaking my head. I feel ashamed for thinking something like that earlier. "You know the boys seem to think you're too quiet." I admitted to her.

"Quiet?"

"Yes. You're normally so expressive over everything but with this, despite knowing how much you're suffering, you're too calm."

"They were expecting me to flip out and start fussing over everything and fight you..." She concluded.

"Sort of..." I nodded evaluating her reaction to it.

"I don't blame them, I actually thought it'd happen myself but it's just not in me to do it anymore. I don't want to fight you or anyone, I've had enough drama and I want you by my side."

"And I'm here." I squeezed her in reassurance again. A soft smile took over her features pressing her lips to mine softly.

"I'm really proud of you. One of most terrible things in life happened to you and instead of blocking everyone out, you're trying to deal with it. It just shows that you're maturing and I'm really proud of you."

"I'm an adult now and I have to act like it. Even if not for me, for my sister."

"I know. It's obvious that the feeling will never go away completely but eventually it will get better. I promise." I assured her kissing the top of her head.

"I know. I don't feel as bad as I did a couple months ago but it still hurts so much." My lips pressed to her head repeatedly, a stupid attempt to lift some of her suffering to me. "Thank you for never leaving my side even when I tried so many times to leave yours."

"You were hurt, I understand."

"It's not an excuse."

"It's okay, we're together now."

"Forever?"

"Forever." I promised quietly. "Now what do you say we go to bed and tomorrow morning we book both flights to Portugal?" I just really want to lay down and fall asleep with my arms around her.

"I'd say I'm very tired and the bed sounds good now." She giggled into my chest.

I smiled picking her bridal style and dropping her on her side of the bed, quickly climbing in either and pushing her to my chest.

"I love you." She murmured closing her eyes.

"I love you too." My arms pushed her to me in order to keep her safe forever just like I promised her.


-


After collecting my bag from the airport I moved to the exit doors, already acquainted with this Portuguese airport from coming here so many times in the past.. well almost two years now.
The cameras were visibly from a fair distance making me groan but at least Portuguese paps are a bit more... contained if that's even possible. Preparing myself for that, I pushed my sunglasses down to avoid meeting their eyes and the burning sun of middle august.

My foot had barely made it outside before something yellow came to view.
An instant smile took over my face recognizing Mia's perfume and I hugged her back.

"Hi." She greeted kissing my lips eagerly despite some flashes and people surrounding us. I'm glad to see she's finally getting used to it even though she doesn't have to.

"Hi baby." I chuckled pecking her lips one more time before taking her hand and taking us away not without trowing a glare at the people suffocating us with their stares and cameras.

"I'm glad your bag is small otherwise it wouldn't fit in my car." Mia pointed out.

"You were the one who decided to have a smart, that can't even be called a car." I huffed playfully trowing my luggage in the trunk of Mia's smart.

"Hey! I don't insult your car, you don't insult mine!"

"What? You're always mocking me for treating my car well."

"That's because you look like you love your car more than me." She stuck her tongue out making me roll my eyes.

"Not true." My hands cupped her face planting a sweet kiss to her mouth and nose.

The large smile that I adore appeared on her her beautiful features and suddenly everything was right in the world.

"India wanted to come too but there's only two seats. She's really excited to see you." We entered the car droving away from the airport.

"If you--"

"Uh uh, one more comment about my baby smart and I'll throw you through the window Styles!" She tried to intimidate me with her glare causing me to press my lips in a thin line and not laugh.

It's only been three day since I last saw her but I could already see the changes in her, the sparkle was slowly returning to her eyes and a real smile would cover her face more often than a fake one. Even if it wasn't right away I knew things would get better and I could already see the light erupting from her, my Mia.

Notes

Hiiiiiiii!! :D

I have both bad and good news!! I'll start with the good ones to be different! My laptop is already being fixed (YAY!) I finally managed to find a beautiful soul who'll bring it back to life but the bad news is it will take a while. I don't have a right schedule but it will be like a month more or less! That's a lot I know but I'm lucky enough to be able to have my files back, doesn't matter how long it will take...

BUT I said I had one more chapter in my dropbox which is the following to this one so in order to post it I recreated this one and will post the following in a couple days so expect another update soon!

Meanwhile please VOTE and COMMENT! Talk to me, I miss you.. ;))

xoxo

Comments

@M.J.

It's amazing how you know my writing and that I don't do happily ever after which is true but I don't think I've ever mentioned that (?)
And yes, I'm replying 6 months later, sorry.
I do envision the next step after that last chapter ended but that, of course, is gonna stay in my head. :)
xx

@Marbleskin

thank you, thank you, thank you :)
Yes, I'm working on something else indeed nut no more Harry and Mia :( I'll be in touch soon about new stuff, if you're still around

@Javairia_Directioner

Ahah, that's the FINAL end.. (As you've probably realized after 6 months.) sorry for the waiting but thank you so much for reading it!!

@faithy

That is awesome that you know it word for word!! I'd kiss you right now if I could :) thank you x100

I cried the whole way through, you evil evil woman! I loved it there is no doubt in my mind she takes his hand and they work things out. But of course this is the kind of thing you'd do. I am curious though what do you think happens? I know you dont really write happily ever after, but do see it in your head? I loved this chapter, i had so much fun reading both this stories! You are a great writer and it has been a privelege seeing how you have grown and improved! Congrats on ending this huge project!