Loving You
Sad news
I stood in the bathroom mirror, applying mascara when I heard the doorbell ring. After Harry and I made up in the studio today, we decided have dinner as a family to celebrate. We'd invited Kirsten since she'd become like a sister, or a daughter and we were all four excited. I couldn't figure who would be at our door this evening.
"First off, it's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Styles." I heard a male's voice as I made my way down the stairs. Harry had answered the door, and he was shaking the hand of a man in a suit. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I have a bit of bad news." The man paused to tip his hat to me as I hooked my arm around Harry's waist. "Last week our officers found the body of a woman who's believed to be the mother of your child. Caroline Upshaw was found dead just outside of London in an alley. We've alerted her mother and we needed to be in contact with you, since you're the remaining guardian for the child. The grandmother has no rights since you are listed on the child's birth certificate. You can, however, give the grandmother all rights, or you can take the child in yourself. Whatever you decide to do, you can just let me know as soon as possible." He handed Harry his card. "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I hope you have a nice evening." He tipped his hat again and left as quick as he came.
Harry closed the door slowly. I looked up at him and he had a blank stare on his face. I wrapped my arms around him tightly as the tears fell down my cheeks, ruining my freshly applied mascara.
We decided to stay in for the night and spend time with Devon and Kirsten. The unfriendly reminder that no one is promised tomorrow made us appreciate one another a little more.
++
I was in and out of sleep when Harry shifted, again, pulling me completely out of my doze. Neither of us had been able to sleep much. I glanced at the clock - 3:20 am... great. He was facing away from me so I scooted closer and wiggled my arms around him until I was the big spoon. He didn't speak, but I knew he was wide awake. "I love you." I whispered.
"I love you, too." He spoke in a quiet voice, but I could tell he was crying.
"Baby, talk to me." I squeezed him a little. We were both very upset after the news, but we hadn't been able to really talk about it with one another. He rolled over to face me and I could see the tear stains on his cheeks. "Harry..." I leaned up to kiss his forehead. He smiled through his tears and brushed the hair out of my face, looking into my eyes.
"I've been thinking and..." He paused. "I mean, Caroline did this to herself. I'm sad that she ended up how she did, but what makes me upset is Raya and Louise - all they've been through. I don't understand why so much bad is happening to those two precious people." He stopped talking when more tears came. I reached out to brush them away and he buried his face into my neck. "It's not fair."
"I know, baby. They didn't deserve any of it." I agreed with him completely. My heart hurt, but I didn't know what to do about it.
"We can't take that little girl from her, Le. She needs her. I want Raya, but Louise - if she has to go through another loss - well I wouldn't be able to survive it." He pulled his face out of my neck and looked at me with sincere eyes.
"I think that's a good idea." Tears filled my eyes. "Should we go see them to be sure they're okay?"
"Yes. Let's go see them first thing tomorrow." He smiled a small smile and kissed my lips. "Thank you."
"For what?" I looked at him out of curiosity.
"Just like they didn't deserve any of what Caroline put them through, you didn't deserve half of what I put you through with all of this. I know you've been worrying over this ever since you found out and I feel shitty about it. You shouldn't have to worry about this huge mess. If I'd kept in zipped up, and loved you like I should have back then, maybe things wouldn't be so crazy and so many people wouldn't be hurting."
"Haz, this is not your fault!" I grabbed his chin and tilted his face until he was looking at me. "You sleeping with her did not cause this. Her decisions with drugs caused this! Don't you dare blame yourself! And I'm fine. I'm not stressing or worrying, okay?" I kissed him, feeling bad for lying about that last bit.
"I just wish I could love you better. Give you better." He laid his head on my chest.
"Harry, you've never loved me too little. You've always been the perfect man. I couldn't ask for anyone better! I love you with all of my heart!" I ran my fingers through his curls, knowing it relaxed him.
"I love you so much, Leah. Words can't explain."
I kissed the top of his head and we laid in silence. I was so worried about him. I'd never seen him so upset over something that wasn't his fault at all. I eased up a little when I heard soft snores escaping his mouth. At least he was finally calm enough to get some sleep. I tried to roll over to get comfortable and as I did, he wrapped his arms tighter around me. I smiled, loving the way he loved me.
++
"Who wants a third helping of pancakes?!" Harry sang goofily as he picked the dish up off of the table to pile some more onto his plate. I shook my head 'no' while feeding Devon more of his breakfast. Kirsten took more pancakes and she and Harry decided to see who could eat most. I giggled at the two. I was so thankful for Kirsten. Not only did she fit in perfectly, but she was the perfect help.
Harry and I woke this morning and decided to make it a happy morning. We'd cooked a big breakfast and woke Kirsten and Devon with giggles. It was the perfect morning with my favorite people.
After losing to Kirsten in the pancake eating contest, a pouty Harry found me upstairs changing Devon out of his pajamas. He came up beside me, placing one hand on my bum and making faces at Devon. Devon giggled as Harry made noises with the faces he made. He was the perfect father. Once Devon was changed I placed him on the floor and he headed for the living room. Harry and I followed behind him. "Still wanna see Louise and Raya?" I asked.
"I do. I'll grab a shower after you?" I nodded in response as he took off to chase Devon. I made my way to the shower to begin to get ready.
After my shower, I slipped a beanie over my natural wavy hair. I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans, a sweatshirt, and my favorite pair of converse before meeting Harry downstairs. He was dressed in his usual black jeans, but was wearing a sweater and a beanie with them since it was too chilly out for a plain black t-shirt. We kissed Devon goodbye and hugged Kirsten. As soon as we were heading for the door, the doorbell rang. Harry and I both opened the door and to our surprise, there stood the old lady herself - with a worried look on her face.
"First off, it's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Styles." I heard a male's voice as I made my way down the stairs. Harry had answered the door, and he was shaking the hand of a man in a suit. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I have a bit of bad news." The man paused to tip his hat to me as I hooked my arm around Harry's waist. "Last week our officers found the body of a woman who's believed to be the mother of your child. Caroline Upshaw was found dead just outside of London in an alley. We've alerted her mother and we needed to be in contact with you, since you're the remaining guardian for the child. The grandmother has no rights since you are listed on the child's birth certificate. You can, however, give the grandmother all rights, or you can take the child in yourself. Whatever you decide to do, you can just let me know as soon as possible." He handed Harry his card. "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I hope you have a nice evening." He tipped his hat again and left as quick as he came.
Harry closed the door slowly. I looked up at him and he had a blank stare on his face. I wrapped my arms around him tightly as the tears fell down my cheeks, ruining my freshly applied mascara.
We decided to stay in for the night and spend time with Devon and Kirsten. The unfriendly reminder that no one is promised tomorrow made us appreciate one another a little more.
++
I was in and out of sleep when Harry shifted, again, pulling me completely out of my doze. Neither of us had been able to sleep much. I glanced at the clock - 3:20 am... great. He was facing away from me so I scooted closer and wiggled my arms around him until I was the big spoon. He didn't speak, but I knew he was wide awake. "I love you." I whispered.
"I love you, too." He spoke in a quiet voice, but I could tell he was crying.
"Baby, talk to me." I squeezed him a little. We were both very upset after the news, but we hadn't been able to really talk about it with one another. He rolled over to face me and I could see the tear stains on his cheeks. "Harry..." I leaned up to kiss his forehead. He smiled through his tears and brushed the hair out of my face, looking into my eyes.
"I've been thinking and..." He paused. "I mean, Caroline did this to herself. I'm sad that she ended up how she did, but what makes me upset is Raya and Louise - all they've been through. I don't understand why so much bad is happening to those two precious people." He stopped talking when more tears came. I reached out to brush them away and he buried his face into my neck. "It's not fair."
"I know, baby. They didn't deserve any of it." I agreed with him completely. My heart hurt, but I didn't know what to do about it.
"We can't take that little girl from her, Le. She needs her. I want Raya, but Louise - if she has to go through another loss - well I wouldn't be able to survive it." He pulled his face out of my neck and looked at me with sincere eyes.
"I think that's a good idea." Tears filled my eyes. "Should we go see them to be sure they're okay?"
"Yes. Let's go see them first thing tomorrow." He smiled a small smile and kissed my lips. "Thank you."
"For what?" I looked at him out of curiosity.
"Just like they didn't deserve any of what Caroline put them through, you didn't deserve half of what I put you through with all of this. I know you've been worrying over this ever since you found out and I feel shitty about it. You shouldn't have to worry about this huge mess. If I'd kept in zipped up, and loved you like I should have back then, maybe things wouldn't be so crazy and so many people wouldn't be hurting."
"Haz, this is not your fault!" I grabbed his chin and tilted his face until he was looking at me. "You sleeping with her did not cause this. Her decisions with drugs caused this! Don't you dare blame yourself! And I'm fine. I'm not stressing or worrying, okay?" I kissed him, feeling bad for lying about that last bit.
"I just wish I could love you better. Give you better." He laid his head on my chest.
"Harry, you've never loved me too little. You've always been the perfect man. I couldn't ask for anyone better! I love you with all of my heart!" I ran my fingers through his curls, knowing it relaxed him.
"I love you so much, Leah. Words can't explain."
I kissed the top of his head and we laid in silence. I was so worried about him. I'd never seen him so upset over something that wasn't his fault at all. I eased up a little when I heard soft snores escaping his mouth. At least he was finally calm enough to get some sleep. I tried to roll over to get comfortable and as I did, he wrapped his arms tighter around me. I smiled, loving the way he loved me.
++
"Who wants a third helping of pancakes?!" Harry sang goofily as he picked the dish up off of the table to pile some more onto his plate. I shook my head 'no' while feeding Devon more of his breakfast. Kirsten took more pancakes and she and Harry decided to see who could eat most. I giggled at the two. I was so thankful for Kirsten. Not only did she fit in perfectly, but she was the perfect help.
Harry and I woke this morning and decided to make it a happy morning. We'd cooked a big breakfast and woke Kirsten and Devon with giggles. It was the perfect morning with my favorite people.
After losing to Kirsten in the pancake eating contest, a pouty Harry found me upstairs changing Devon out of his pajamas. He came up beside me, placing one hand on my bum and making faces at Devon. Devon giggled as Harry made noises with the faces he made. He was the perfect father. Once Devon was changed I placed him on the floor and he headed for the living room. Harry and I followed behind him. "Still wanna see Louise and Raya?" I asked.
"I do. I'll grab a shower after you?" I nodded in response as he took off to chase Devon. I made my way to the shower to begin to get ready.
After my shower, I slipped a beanie over my natural wavy hair. I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans, a sweatshirt, and my favorite pair of converse before meeting Harry downstairs. He was dressed in his usual black jeans, but was wearing a sweater and a beanie with them since it was too chilly out for a plain black t-shirt. We kissed Devon goodbye and hugged Kirsten. As soon as we were heading for the door, the doorbell rang. Harry and I both opened the door and to our surprise, there stood the old lady herself - with a worried look on her face.
This made me happy, then sad, then happy all over again!!! I was devastated with Leah when she learned about him having another child, especially when it was a girl. Then I was absolutely ecstatic when Raya became apart of their family!! Although, my favorite One Direction child has to be Sophia!! She has just as much sass as Louis and it made me smile like an idiot!! Although I know the odds are against it, I'm still holding out for the third story!!!
2/10/15